Dylan Farrow

I don't know if it's just me or the rest of the blogging world.. but I seem to keep up on entertainment news a lot lately. I think half of it is trying to stay awake during late night nursing sessions or the fact that I'm always curious about how the other half live. But in the recent weeks I have read a lot of articles on Woody Allen and his daughter Dylan who alleges he abused her at a young age. Some of those commenting on it are saying she told the truth, others are saying she's lying, other then that I just have an opinion on it....

Why do people feel they need to have an opinion on someone else's sexual abuse? This is coming out at a national stand point... so many people having opinions on it. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and I can tell you if it had come out to the world what had happened, I'd be mortified! I am not one to hide what happened... its part of me and it's effect who I am as a mother and human being. I couldn't imagine if I had people publicly coming out and calling me a liar.

Anyone who's ever reported their sexual abuse knows that there will always be someone out there who think's you're lying... because really does sexual abuse ever happen? That's people's mind sets... that it doesn't happen, you are lying, your trying to get back at someone, you're a slut anyways... really the list goes on, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard someone say some of those things to me.

I don't think anyone who's never really cared about sexual abuse probably doesn't realize how often it does happen. Most never get reported or fall through the system. Only one of my abusers ever got convicted. I read a statistic that said only 3 in 100 abusers ever spend time behind bars. I have to assume it's because most victims are scared to face their abusers. Can you blame them?

I don't want to comment too much on what happened to Dylan.. weather it's true or not, only she will ever know. It's no ones business to comment on what happened because it's clear they were not there. I doubt she'd ever even read this... but I am truly sorry for what has happened to her. I am sorry that she has to face the comments and criticism of others. But she's also helping others who have been or are being abused, to speak up and not listen to the critics that will call them liars. Those who've been abused in anyway should not feel the need to run and hide from what has happened. I applaud her for standing up for herself and not being scared of the criticism. You are a brave woman!

Valerie's Birth Story

How do I even begin to start this story... I guess I'd have to go all the way back to my due date which was January 2nd. My Mom had arrived in town a few days before, and I had my 40 week appointment. P and I went to this appointment alone, and we were very anxious to see if anything was happening in there. I was over due with Evelyn, so I sort of expected to be over due with Valerie too. We got to my appointment and because of the holidays I was forced to see a OB then seeing my regular Midwife. We got back into the room and the doctor did a quick ultrasound, the baby looked fine. The doctor scheduled me for an induction which was set for 12 days after my due date... I was super upset about it. Not only would P be in the field but it was also the day my Dad would be flying back home. We asked him if we could do anything at home to get the process started and he basically told us "nothing can be done, the baby will come when she's ready and there's nothing you can do about it"... and no joke, he was super rude. I left my appointment in tears. I set up an appointment for my NST and a 41 week appointment which I was hoping would end up being unnecessary.

I was really upset about the doctor telling me that I just couldn't do anything at all but wait... So I decided that even if he think's I can't do anything, that I needed to at least TRY! My Mom and I asked for lots of advice and then spent a day picking up things like primrose oil, raspberry tea, eggplant parmesan, birthing balls, clary sage and massage oils! I walked and shopped like a mad woman! I was bound and determined to help my body get ready for this. But... nothing worked.

Finally my Dad came to town, and him and my Mom got a hotel with a pool so that Evelyn could have some fun. We went swimming with them one night and I spent the majority of the time in the pool swimming laps. When we were done with the pool and I was in the bathroom I suddenly felt my bladder let go of itself... I started pretty much peeing everywhere. This had happened to me twice already, I pee'd myself a few times ok. I was so not sure if I just had water in me, if I pee'd or if my water broke. I grabbed some toilet paper and decided to see if I leaked anymore on the way home and up until bed time... I didn't see much water... so I just wasn't sure what happened. I just assumed I pee'd my pants again and went to sleep.

The next day was my 41 week appointment and it was at 9AM. I had a few contractions that night but nothing regular. I had a different OB this time, thank goodness! The doctor pulled out the ultrasound machine to see what was going on and it turned out I only had 2cm of amniotic fluid in me (found out my water had indeed broke). He sent me straight upstairs to be checked into L&D. He told me not to get my hopes up though, that the hospital would likely check me again and if the baby pee'd, my water might go back up. So P and I headed straight upstairs. As I was getting checked in they told me that I was indeed being induced that day! P left to go home and get our bags, while I waited in the waiting room for our room to be ready. All I could think about was how much I already missed Evelyn, I had been spending a lot of time with her, but suddenly I felt like I didn't get enough in. But this was it, and boy were we ready to have our new addition here!

My Last Pregnant picture!

41weeks 1day

 

P and I settled into our room and we got all set up and ready to go. I was hooked to fluids, Pitocin and penicillin. I was hoping I could handle birth and not need an epidural but I made sure to sign the papers just in case I felt like I needed it. I was check in at 3cm, 50% effaced and a -2. By 4pm I was checked and had only progressed to a 4! I was certain I was in for a long labor.

 

I handled my contractions the best I could. P was seriously amazing! He supported me though it all, gave me his hand when I needed it, and rubbed my back. He also was so sweet and would help me to the bathroom every time I needed to go, and with that much fluids hooked to me, I went a lot!

 

At about 7-7:30 I could not handle my contractions any longer. I was having horrible back labor, and if you've never had back labor it feels like your back is splitting in two! I tried so hard to put up with it, and when the tears started rolling and I was feeling exhausted and hungry because I hadn't ate since breakfast, I knew I was done experiencing the miracle of natural birth. I knew though that I gave it my all! Getting my epidural SUCKED! They got me once... and it didn't work. So they stuck me again... meanwhile my nurse has her hand up my gown to keep the monitor on the baby and I am sweating so bad from the contractions and the fact that I was nervous. I looked my nurse straight in the face and told her how sorry I was. She didn't seem to mind but I'm sure it wasn't her biggest highlight of the night. After the epidural seemed to be working, I decided to take a nap. I had a rough night with Evelyn and I knew I needed the rest. It took some time but with some calming from P I finally was asleep by about 8:30.

 

I woke up at 9 with a horrible pressure in my butt! I'm talking like HUGE pressure! I was huffing and puffing! I grabbed that epidural button and clicked on it a few times and it wasn't going away. My Epidural failed me! I paged my nurse and after 3 more contractions, I paged her again and said "I NEED SOMEONE NOW!!", suddenly my nurse and my midwife, who hadn't checked on me in hours was in my room. I told them about the horrible pressure I was having and the biggest urge to push. They checked me and I was a -2! Baby girl was right there!! I screamed "OH MY GOD!!, someone fix my epidural!", they said there was nothing they could do about it now and that I should try pushing a few times... little did they know how amazing I am at birth.. in two pushes they told me to stop because she was coming now. Suddenly P is right next to me, and 8 people are surrounding me and telling me to PUSH!

 

I started pushing and I felt everything!, and I mean EVERYTHING! I was a woman screaming in labor, anything to help me and empower me, I was doing. P was next to me cheering me on, my nurses were telling me what was happening down below, and I was screaming "holy shit! I feel everything!!". It felt good to scream for a second and then push again! Not many pushes left and I saw her arm fly up in the air! I was told one more push and I gave it my all!! I pushed like I had never pushed before and suddenly she was in my arms!

Valerie Alisha

January 10, 2014

9:40PM

7lbs 9oz

19inches



 

I started to bawl and the only thing I could say was "you look just like your sister!". I was being cleaned up and I was doing skin to skin with Valerie. I got her latched on right away and I looked up at P and we were both in awe with her. She looked gorgeous! We had just added a beautiful little girl to our world and we were elated with pride and joy!

 

Because it was so late P and I had Valerie all to ourselves. We didn't get moved to the recovery room until 2am, but it was ok. We called all our family and sent photos to everyone. Cool fact: Valerie was born on my parents 38th Wedding Anniversary. We got very little sleep in, and we were pretty much forced to wake up at 6:30 to eat breakfast. So began the little sleep time in our life.

 

That morning my Mom and Dad brought Evelyn to meet Valerie. I was super excited to see her! I really couldn't wait to see what Evelyn thought of Val. Evelyn was super excited to be in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and everything! Her obsession with Doc McStuffin's really helps! You could tell Evelyn was confused at what I ment by Valerie was the baby we had been talking about for months. Suddenly mommys tummy was gone and there was a baby there. But as soon as we let Evelyn hold her, she kept saying "She's cute!". She counted her fingers and toes and gave her kisses. She was just how I wanted her to be with her new sister, and has pretty much stayed that way. She loves being a big sister!

 



We all feel so blessed to have welcomed baby Valerie into our family! Valeries middle name is after my little sister Alisha, some of you know Evelyn's middle name is after my other sister Suzanne. I have now had the pleasure of honoring two very important people in my life. I hope my girls will look at them both as the amazing women they were. Suzanne passed away 13 years ago and Alisha is mentally and physically handicapped. I'm proud to have honored them both in such a special way.

Our Family of Four!

 



Thought and Input

I've been seeing this article floating around on my Facebook timeline. Its titled "6 ways to protect your child from sexal abuse" as I looked through the article I could see several ideas that seemed liked pretty reasonable ways to protect kids from abuse... but then some I sorta disagreed with. Such as "do not force your child to give affection such as saying "gimmie a kiss"" .. come one who doesn't say that to their child? Or "telling your child to be good"... I believe telling my child she needs to behave in the store is perfectly acceptable!

But I'm still open minded to what the author was writing. I don't personally know the author, so I have no clue if she has any history of being sexually abused. But for me speaking as a person who has been sexually abused, I have to agree with one point the author made.

"Know that potential abusers may not be who you expect."

I was abused by a brother and my best friends brother. I have come in contact through years of therapy with others who have been abused and learned that it happens quite often that a family member or people close to the child are the abusers. That's one thing I really take from this article and one thing I hope people really know and understand to ALWAYS be careful of who you leave your child with.

My best friends brother raped me and it only happened one time. I was sleeping over at her house and her brother, who was very popular are cute had asked me to come into another room with him to watch a movie when it happened. My Mom didn't know for a while, and I pretended like it never happened. This is another reason why my kids will not be doing the sleepover thing... it happens a lot! It happens often that things like that happen during sleepovers. Not to mention experimenting with drugs and alcohol. This boy came from a nice Christian family, and it still happened.

My brother... well he has his own huge set of issues. Its been almost 3 years since I talked to him... but it happened about 10 years ago... about the year mark after I was raped. My brother knew I was taking sleeping medications and decided to sneak into my room and attack me, and it happened more then once. My parents room was right across the hall from mine. He was reported and did a lot of therapy and even some time in juvie for what he did for me, and is now currently in prison. He had admitted to abusing my little sister as well, which if you know about her she is handicapped and is physically incapable of talking. He also admitted to going after other family members as well. His issues are his own... and I have put him behind me, and I have forgiven him for what he did to me.

I only share these stories and experiences to open peoples eyes. This stuff does happen all the time! Its nothing my parents did wrong to cause me to be abused, these things happened to me because of the person who did it. I didn't do anything wrong, and to be honest I am not sure there was much I really could have done. My parents have often had issues about what happened to me and how they could have prevented it, especially when one of them happened in their own home. But this has caused me to really think about how P and I will raise our children... one of the hardest parts of being a parent is realizing that I just cannot protect Evelyn from everything, but I can learn from what has happened in my own life and apply that to my parenting today.

By telling my child what her body parts are at an early age is not going to stop her from abuse, and not asking for kisses is certainly not going to stop it either. All I can do is warn my child of the dangers in the world and do my best to protect her. Set up rules and hope that nothing happens to her. Limit the contact with people who watch her, and if I have a gut feeling, then I need to follow it and not dismiss it. One day my children will understand how I feel, and if they are mad they are not allowed to have sleep overs then so be it... but I will do all I can to protect them. That's just my input.

Sick of it.

I really try to avoid writing posts about me being miserable in pregnancy. I know sometimes they come off as "ungrateful", or "whiney"... but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am so excited to expand our family and meet this little girl who refuses to leave my rib cage. So excited in fact that I am beyond sick of being pregnant.

I really seriously am.

I think I have had a pretty good pregnancy... could have been better at points, and it could have been worse, but all in all I'd call it a pretty normal one. But the last week... I am an emotional, hormonal, over reacting, nesting mess!! I seriously don't know how to handle it anymore.

I have SO many things coming up in the next month! Thanksgiving, P's Leave, Christmas, Anniversary, Baby being born... PLUS all the little things like finishing preparing for the baby and getting the things I will need when I have the baby. Nesting is a great thing.... but when your trying to find a happy budget medium to finish Christmas shopping before becoming a HUGE whale and buy all those other little things you need which of course none feel "inexpensive"... oh my lordy! My brain is going to explode!! Nesting this go around is a nightmare!

Did I mention how even my maternity clothes are starting to not fit... yepp. I have hit that awkward stage of not knowing my belly is hanging out in public sometimes. When I realize it all I can think about is what people must have been thinking!? I just want to constantly be in sweats... and even though I am not tired enough to want to be on the couch all day... I'd rather be on the couch.

Evelyn is in the midst of another HUGE power struggle with me... and I find myself losing my temper really fast and needing to walk away from her. I text P all the info while I bawl my eyes out feeling like there is no way in hell I can handle two kids... and then, Evelyn has one of those days... those oh so sweet days that make me feel like I can handle 5 kids. Terrible two's are definitely the worst thing I have had to go through in a while! I'd literally take a deployment over this crap!

Yesterday, after putting all my Halloween décor away, dealing with a refusing to nap toddler plus all the house work... when I got my Fall décor out, I found that I didn't seal the box from last year... found 4 cockroaches living in the box, their poop and they had been munching on some of my Styrofoam décor. It was the last thing to throw me over the edge from the day. I'm just already super hormonal and have a toddler who's fighting me on so many things, then to find out those nasty bugs were eating my stuff! Oh I called my Mom and just bawled! I'm so just ready to be back to being me again!

P and I had date night last night, and as much as I felt like I needed to get out of the house and do a big thing just us two... we settled on KFC and sitting on our couch watching The Walking Dead. It was bliss! When we picked Evelyn up, I felt so refreshed! We let her stay up a little later and we all sang our ABC's and some other songs. I just soaked it up.

I know I am bound to have some good and bad days for the next, hopefully only 9 more weeks. I know its a blessing to actually be carrying my child. I also know these are only temporary feelings I am having and pregnancy doesn't last forever. Even if it feels like it will. :)

a weird trip home.

I have been in Utah the last two weeks and I gotta say...this is weird. I usually am all about being here, even though it's not technically home anymore, I still get a sense of peace being here.. suddenly like my life is normal again. Living on an Army Post, which I love BTW, I basically live and breathe Army life, so coming back to my hometown just makes me remember that not everyone's lives are crazy and hectic like mine.

This go around even though I have felt some peace and quite at home... its still weird. I am not even sure if its just because I haven't heard from my husband in a few weeks, or if its just the atmosphere. I am here and thinking of my sister and my good friend who have passed away. Thinking of my Grandpa who's Alzheimer's is getting worse, thinking of what life would be like if I ever really did move home ever again. I usually say that I will move back home if P ended up deploying again, especially since the kids are young... or unborn, and I would be so far away from family support... but the more I am here the more I realize that I don't think I want to. I like being treated as a guest anyways, so why live here when I could randomly visit and get all that attention.

I guess our lives just change so much while we are away and growing up into our own adulthood and parenthood. I've outgrown the idea of living at home unless I really needed to. I love my life in NC, still not a fan of P's unit but hey I am finally finding some good friends and its been a long time coming. I'm really growing up.

The day I turned 24!

Sunday was my birthday! Its crazy how much I did not really care about my birthday this year. Usually I would plan a month in advance and order my own cake, but not this year...I didn't really care. I mean yeah I wanted to do something, but I guess birthdays to me just aren't so fabulous anymore. I have a daughter who's turn it is to have fantastic birthdays so to me, mine just aren't too important anymore. But I have a great husband who wants to make sure I have a good day, and it turned out really good.

Let me say this last weekend was so uhhmazing! I layed around almost the whole time, rarely got sick, and my husband basically was Mom to Ev for me. I really really needed that! Its crazy how much energy I lack this go around on this pregnancy. I was not this tired with Evelyn.

So on Sunday, P was great and woke up with Ev. My only complaint about it was that she finally slept past 6:30 and once I saw that I couldn't fall asleep again. Little stinker. I woke up to the smell of bacon seeping through the walls! But oh it smelt so good! Bacon, eggs and toast! Delicious!

P knows I am big on a few video games, and finally after 2 years of waiting my game BioShock Infinite came out. He was so great and bought it for me for my birthday! Its probably going to take me forever to finish, but I love the game! P had also set up an appointment for me to get my nails done! I haven't had my nails done since I left Utah last summer! So it was so nice to get them done! I did totally ruin my manicure though once I left the store, but that's just me I guess!

P was also amazing and make me his special ribs and corn on the cob! It was fantastic and he made me my cake! He didn't totally butcher it, I was impressed!! It was a great birthday! I'm so lucky and blessed to have the family I have!

 

p.s sorry for the lack of make-up! I'm really really tired.

Big and Beautiful!

Hello one and all! I don't know if you have read this article about what the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch wrote...but I for one have something to say. If you haven't read it Here it is.
It all sums it up saying things like..

“He doesn’t want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people,” Lewis said. “He doesn’t want his core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they’re one of the ‘cool kids.’”

Well let me say that I didn't know all cool kids were thin. Infact I know that in my high school that yes the majority of the popular girls were skinny, but I also know that not all of them were.

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon."

Sure I can get going after the cool kids, they make the biggest impressions in High School...so yes I totally understand that marketing reason I guess...I mean your only in High School for 4 years so I can see how that would be a reasonable strategy instead of a long term one. But another term I see here is that only the "cool kids" are "all-American with great attitude and a lot of friends"...That is so rude to say. I had no clue that only the "cool kids" could be all American and have a ton of friends...I have had a bunch of friends through out the years and I am not a skinny girl who can fit into that stereotype that this man is giving bigger people.

I have struggled with weight my whole life, and its taken almost 24 years to come to terms with this is who I am. I will never be a skinny girl in Small shirts, who can shop at Hollister and Abercrombie, and even though that hurt my feelings in high school...I'm not in high school anymore. In fact most of the popular kids in my high school are still living in their parents houses, have kids with random men, do drugs, and just don't have great lives. So I am glad to of not had that pressure on me to be "the cool one".

I maybe big and have big breasts but I damn well know I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I have so much love in my life and I could careless if I wear the "popular brand" that high school kids wear. Those kids will one day get to where I am and realize its not such a big deal. I know my daughter might have problems with weight one day too...and I know she might struggle with this, and as much as I am working on setting better eating examples for her...its pretty inevitable that Evelyn will end up with big breasts and she'll be wearing larger shirts to cover them up, and she should in no way be ashamed of herself because she has to wear an XL shirt.

Its a shame to see someone who has such a big impact on fashion in high schools has a stigma towards people who have issues with weight...or like I said just want to cover themselves up more with a bigger shirt. People that are overweight get enough shit because apparently all they do is eat twinkies all day long, but we all know that being overweight has more to do with self-esteem and other issues they might be having...its not all because we stuff our faces all day. And for someone who was raped, molested, lost a sister and has had many self-esteem issues especially when all that happened in high school, and then go shopping with friends only to not fit in the "skinny girl store" clothes, that hurt my feelings. I wasn't good enough again...I was worthless, because I something was happening to my body that I didn't feel like I could control all the time.

Its nice to see a store CEO come out to say that even though I am not in high school anymore and could careless if I wear his over priced clothing that I am still not good enough to wear his clothes. Well I got news for you sir....I am happily married to a wonderful man who tells me all the time how gorgeous I am on a daily basis. I gave birth to a wonderful healthy little girl who loves me no matter what I look like. Sure I maybe over weight and have to wear XL shirts, but at least I feel beautiful in what I am wearing, and that's what every person who designs clothes should want their customers to feel like...not like they fit into some high school stigma, I left high school 6 years ago...I don't want to go back, I'm perfectly happy with being a beautiful curvy and big breasted woman! So I think I can say for all of us bigger woman and men that we don't care that you don't like us...cause we like us just fine. We are happy with who we are and just fine wearing clothes from JC Penny and any other generic store...because those store just want us to look beautiful no matter how big we are. Something you should learn from them...but don't worry I wont hold my breath that you'll be around in 20 years. Enjoy living in the high school days you probably didn't have, I'm glad I am out of High School and have no intentions of every trying to fit into the "in" crowd, those days are long gone.

Who is Missus Elle?

I never really like to do these types of blogs. Usually my answer is; I cook. clean, take care of my family and well that's about it. But its not really who I am. Yes I am Ev's mom and P's wife...but I am a whole different person outside of them. Sometimes that gets lost in the background for a while, and then I find it again. Its easy to get wrapped up in life especially when your raising a baby and taking care of a husband.

So who am I? Well lets see...

I love concerts! Before I met P I went to concerts all the time. My first one was Death Cab for Cutie, pretty amazing. 2nd one... Linkin Park. I have also been to a few outdoor ones such as Warped Tour (twice) and Rocklahoma which was a 3 day concert. I have seen these bands; Death Cab, Linkin Park(twice), Blink 182, Taking Back Sunday, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Coheed and Cambria, Luke Bryan, Thompson Square, Florida Georgia Line, Chevelle, ZZ Top, Nickelback, Hinder, Papa Roach, Saving Abel, Theory of a Deadman, Cinderella....and well just a bunch that I can't even think of at the moment.

I have probably 50 bottles of nail polish. I really love to get pedicures...I am not too much of a girlie girl. I mean ya I like to look cute, but a moment alone with some nail polish is one of my favorite cheap pampering nights and I seriously do not do it enough.

I'm a great rememberer. Its sometimes seriously creepy. I am horrible at Math but anything to do with the entertainment industry or friends and family things. I remember everything!!

My favorite thing to do...go shopping alone. And you know what...I almost always buy something for my family instead of me.

I'm a huge Disney fan! I grew up loving The Little Mermaid, and just wanting to be a mermaid more then anything in the world! Everytime P and I talk about taking a trip alone I almost always suggest Disneyland or Disney World.

I love to read...but I do not do it enough. Especially since I became a Mom. I have only a certain amount of time to myself and I usually spend it watching my shows on TV...every once in a while I'll pick up a book and read it to the end, and then that's it for the next few months.

My personality is great...but I never make the first move into starting a friendship. Its so hard for me to put myself out there. Its almost like I am scared of a break up before the friendship has even started.

Well that's all I can really think about for myself...plus its bedtime for me. I wrote this last night...incase you were wondering. I need some serious beauty sleep!

I'm back at it!

I'm sure everyone is tired of me crying and whining about my weight, and you know what I am tired of it too. After a lot of thought and a lot of thinking...I decided it has to be done now...or I need to stop complaining and just get over it. So 2 weeks ago...I started my new lifestyle. Yes its a lifestyle and not a diet.

P needed to lose some weight for his upcoming PT test, and so we started buying healthier options for food, and making healthier dinners. So far that's been easy. I have started my calorie tracker on myfitnesspal, and then guess what I did...I went to the gym! and I went more then one time.

Last time I had a gym membership...I wasn't married. That's how long its been! And believe it or not, that is when I was putting on my weight. Umm hello...I want to shake my-then-self, because I could have totally prevented all of this! I just chose not to.

So I went with my neighbor a few times, and she took a break one day, and so I had P go with me. Then I went by myself a few times. P and I are even talking about going twice a day.

I also had a talk with P about how he watches me when I'm trying to lose weight. If I had a soda while I was on a "diet" he would make sure to tell me how many calories and what a waste it is. So I asked him to back off of me, that this was just me starting out, and if I ask for advice he can give it, until then...he needs to lay off of me. So far he's done pretty good!

I'm not putting pressure on myself right now like I have in the past, right now its just starting out and I am loving it. I have loved pushing myself at the gym, and I love that I can do it in the morning when  some kids are in the playroom and Evelyn can be a bit more social.

So I am just here to say...I haven't given up. I may have backslided and taken too long of breaks, but I really have high hopes to lose my weight, get healthier, and set a better example for Evelyn and future babies. Wish me luck!

Date Night with Luke Bryan...

wait...Did I just say that? I meant Date Night at the Luke Bryan concert.

Yes! While my parents were here we got to squeeze in one date night. We only get maybe 3 or 4 date nights out without Evelyn a year, so when we can take one we go full speed ahead. Usually our date night is just a nice dinner and a movie we've been wanting to see forever.

While P was browsing the internet he found out Luke Bryan was going to be in concert that very night and mentioned it. I had already known he was coming to Fayetteville but I thought the tickets were to high and didn't want to buy them at that price when we are on a budget. But P said to me that we never go out, and we do the same thing all the time...be spontaneous? Ok. We bought some pre-bought tickets for $40 a piece and had AMAZING seats! I thought we'd be in the nose bleed section, but no we were in a great area, you could see the artists so well! I saw Luke shake it, I was in heaven.

My husband knows about my fixation with Luke Bryan...its ok!

Also at the concert was Florida Georgia Line...if you've heard the song that goes "Baby your a song you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruuuise!"...yeah that's them. That's all we knew about them too. But every. single. song. they played was awesome! I bought their album the next day...now we are going to "Get our shine on" sometime...hey I gotta try moonshine while I'm in the south right?

Who else was at the concert? Thompson Square. Another amazing group...and another CD I bought after I got home. Also these two are too cute when they sing together.

All in all it was a very great date night for P and I. We really enjoyed each other, and danced in the stadium and it made us feel very refreshed, and I think I fell a little harder for my man. He was so sweet and just amazing. I really did score the jackpot with my hubby!

ABC's of Liz.

A. Age: 23! (I know I am a baby)

B. Bed size: King!

C. Chore you dislike: Bathrooms. I avoid it for as long as I can!

D. Dogs: ...NO! I usually think I want a dog, and I know P want's one, but I dont want to clean up more poop and throw up then I already have to.

E. Essential start to your day: ...I am not a morning person. Usually is soda or a super good breakfast.

F. Favorite colors: Deep reds. Blood red to be exact.

G. Gold or silver: I think I like both? I dont know I like both. 

H. Height: 5' 6"

I. Instruments you play(ed): I never played anything! I always hated that.

J. Job title: Evelyn's Mom, P's housewife and Wannabe crafter, decorater, ruler of the world. 

K. Kids: 1 little girl!! Maybe another one later on.

L. Live: Beautiful North Carolina! Home of Nicholas Sparks movies :)

M. Mom’s name: Cindy

N. Nicknames: Liz (my full name is Elizabeth), Lizzie, Lizbeth, Lizard.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Just when I gave birth to Evie.

P. Pet peeves: bad drivers. dirty houses.  military wives wearing husbands rank.

Q. Quote from a movie:  The Notebook: "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

R. Righty or lefty: Right.

S. Siblings: Travis, Suzy, Aj, Guy and Alisha

T. Time you wake up:

U. Underwear: I don't understand this one... do I wear it? Yes.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: I'm just not into anything weird. I like celery, carrots, lettuce, tomato...and thats probably it.

W. What makes you run late: Evelyn..I hate being late!

X. X-rays you’ve had: Probably my whole body except my head.

Y. Yummy food you make: Everything I make is yummy!

Z. Zoo animal you like: I love the elephants!!

Evelyns View of Love.

You hear it all the time how important it is for your child to see their parents happy and in love. Wether the parents are together or not, your child learns from how you act. Its something I think about alot. I grew up never seeing my parents fight, sure they got into little arguments about how the living room set up, but nothing such as raising voices and storming off because they are mad. Its something I have always wanted to do with my kids. There really is no need to raise your voice, especially when your child is around. But I grew up raising my voice louder and louder trying to get my angry teenage selfs point across. I've kinda stayed that way too. Usually when P and I are arguing I raise my voice and he raises his and then it turns into yellin over eachother type of deal. Usually we stop it when we see Evelyn staring at us, and take it down a few notches. We've gotten alot better with it too! Which is good! Its a work in process from me being the right one all the time, and from P who's always witnessed fights, but we noticed it and we are trying.

Sometimes when I try to look through Evelyn's eyes and see what she is seeing this is what I think she see's.

For one she see's her mother who's working on the house, playing on her phone too much (not so much since I quit FB and Twitter!), making dinner, teaching her things and a playmate. She see's her Dad who is gone too much, but is the best playmate when he comes home, who is on his phone too much (we are working on that), who loves to throw her in the air, and cuddle her to death.

She see's alot of love we give her. But what about the love between P and I...what does she see?

She see's us stealing kisses through out the day, always saying I love you before we leave, cuddles on the couch, holding hands in the car, dancing in the kitchen ust because we can, she see's arguments sometimes but she also see's us appologize and make up for it, the random gifts we give eachother even if its just a beer after work, and best of all the tickles, smiles and laughs we have with eachother.

I had never really though about how my child would see love in this world. I grew up with an amazing example of love. P didn't have so much luck. I'm glad that this is a huge example we can set for Evelyn so easily. Just by being us we show her what she should look for in a husband one day, how a man should treat her, and that her parents love and respect eachother.

P VS Liz

P VS Liz

I saw some of you do this around Valentines Day and I finally have done it!!

 

 

His Answers / Her Answers

How long have you been married?

9, 10, 11, 12....4 years/ ...3 years and a few months.

 

Where was your first date?

HuHot/HuHot and Ice Cream

 

Where was your first kiss?

Kylie and Thomas's house/ Kylies house on the couch.

Who first said, "I love you"?

She did/ I did right after he left for Iraq, I text it to him cause

I couldnt bare for him to leave and not know

What were your wedding colors?

Blue jeans, white shirt/ Apperently he heard clothes...

but had a courthouse wedding so no colors.

 

What is her most commonly used phrase?

"What time you coming home?"/ He's never home.

 

Who is her celebrity crush?

Channing Tatum/ OOOH yeah!

If she was ordering drinks for both of you, what would you each get?

Beer/ Probably a Corona for him, and coke for me. 

What is the best meal she has ever cooked you?

Maple wings/ I hate making those.

What is the worst meal she has ever cooked you?

I don't know/ thats right cause I'm a bomb cook!

What is the most-played song on her iPod?

I don't know/ He's sick of answering questions now.

I'd say probably...We Found Love by Rihanna

What would she say is your most annoying habit?

picking/ as in nails, hair, amost anything he can get his hands on.

What is the last thing she does before she goes to bed?

stares at her phone for an hour/ I'd say I roll around for 30 minutes,

 checking my phone and turning the TV off.

If you could throw out one item of her clothing what would it be?

...Nothing/ Still awesome.

What would you say is your favorite thing about her?

that your you./ :)

What's her go-to drink at Starbucks?

hot chocolate/ that or chocolatey chip frap! I hate coffee.

What's her blog's name?!

"Liz"/...close.

Taking a Break.

I decided about oh...a month ago that I should take a break from Social Media. I have become very addicted to my iphone. I'm on it all the time, to the point where I am charging it at least twice a day. Evelyn is also addicted to my phone, ipad and so on and so forth. I dont mind letting her play some games on my phone, but she has it to the point of throwing a fit if I don't let her have it when I'm using it. So I decided that since my biggest addiction/app's on my phone that I use is Twitter and Facebook that I should delete the apps off my phone.

I just think that my addition and reading everyones point of views on every detail in the world, and especially the Military and Parenting world has really effected me. While I find that alot of articals that parents I admire post are very helpful, I also see people ragging on people who can't breastfeed, disapline kids and loads of other stuff and I just can't make myself feel bad about the parent I am anymore. I disapline Evelyn, yes I do. I put her in time out and we have the 3 strike system to time out. But Evelyn gets a talk too before anything is done as far as disapline, and I do disapline depending on how much she needs to learn the boundrie, such as playing in my cleaning supplies or not listening. So far my system is working. Not ashamed of it either. She's learning, and I dont mind her exploring, but there are somethings that are No No's in my book and she will learn that its unacceptable. But then I love to read the articals about how I should be more patient and listen more to her too, even if she's not very vocal I still know what Evelyn is telling me. Patience is something I know I need to work on with her, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed.

So I deleted my apps a few days ago, and I tell you its so nice to have a break! Its nice not knowing every detail about lives, and knowing every single personal oppion about something. Its nice to feel like I am going back to me.

I kept my Instagram, because how could I not? I mean I gotta show off Evelyn somehow, and you know its been nice! I still get to see some of my blogger friends cute kids, and know a bit about whats going on with them. I still get to show my brothers Evelyn, and whats going on in our lives here. Its nice!

I don't really plan of ever going back to Twitter or Facebook. I'm enjoying not endulging in my addiction and I really dont want it back. I feel more apart of the family now that my face is not burried in my phone when we are relaxing. I may not know whats going on with my favorite celebs or know most of your little stories thoughout the day. But I think your ok with that :)

The randoms.

So now that March is here...that happened fast. I am in the process of preparing for almost everything I can think of.

This month my parents are coming for 10 days with my little sister! This is when we will be going to DC for Easter too. I'm so stoked for my parents to come! I feel like I never see them anymore. Plus they are spending Easter with me and I can show my cooking off to my Dad! My Mom was just here in October and I haven't seen my Dad since September so I'm stoked to see them! I got lots to do, like cleaning out the guest room, taking things to goodwill and arranging everything. Pretty much Spring Cleaning.

Next month my MIL is coming. Even though we had to pay for her flight, and I have not been very happy about it, I am glad P gets to see his Mom. He hasn't seen her since Decemer 2011, and I'm sure he is glad to pay for it. While I am upset about paying for things for her, I am trying to get over it and realize that this is just our life with her. She can't afford to really do much and she's just that type of a person, and I am going to have to get used to it. The last few times she's visited us she wasn't very nice to me, and even if I had just given birth to her first Grandchild she still ignored me and put me and my feelings on the back burner. I've told P that I have no hopes and wishes that she'll be nice to me, but that I dont want to keep flying her to see us when she's just uncomfortable with me, and since most of the time she's at our house she is with me. But this will be during P's 4 day weekend so hopefully it will go good.

My mouth is still in a ton of pain, and I'm going to the oral suregon to get checked out. I'm worried about dry sockets and can barelly open my mouth.

I have been enjoying the down time, but really hate that I'm not so up and going in the mornings with Evelyn since I am icing and heating and taking meds and then by afternoon I'm pretty ok. But taking her to the parks or letting her run around is not high on my agenda since I have been feeling pretty "high" on my meds, and while I wish I had a backyard witha fence to just let her run around and play I don't. I'm glad Evelyn is so forgiving and is really ok with just coloring, playing with Play Doh, playing with toys, reading books and watching movies with me. Its nice to take it easy. While my mouth hasn't put the rest of my body out of commision it sure does feel like it. This pain is no freaking joke! I'm glad I can still stimulate her without needing to take her somewhere right now. Hopefully by next week I'll be up to it and we can go to the really cool park with the lake :)

Has anyone else been freaking about Easter? I think since Christmas, I've been taking holidays way more seriously. P thinks I am a weirdo cause I dont just buy the pre-made Easter baskets, I never had one when I was a kid, so I am perfectly fine getting Evelyn her own personalized basket. I've already got her a few things, and I'm almost done! But I cannot wait to do Easter eggs with her and a little Easter egg hunt! Its going to be fun!!

ThredUp

Hello Everyone! Since this weekend I spent mostly in bed, I had lots of time to window shop all over online! Right now P and I have been searching for swimsuits for Evelyn without paying a bunch of money for a suit tha will only fit her for a few months.

I had heard for the site ThredUp before through a cousin, and I thought that was a little risky. Ordering used clothing online? But no really its fantastic!

I got online a few weeks ago and was searching for her suit, so I checked out ThredUp to see what they had, and found 3 suits! All under $5! Couln't hurt right? So I ordered them, along with some bigger sized clothes for the summer.

I got the clothes super fast, and they are in FANTASTIC condition! No rips, stains, or weird oders. I was thrilled! They looked brand new!

We got one suit we didnt like, but we got a bag to send in some of Evelyn's old clothes to ThredUp to make some money that we'll just be sending back, but we are thrilled with how cheap and in what great conditions these clothes were in that we ordered more suits and clothes for her.

I thought I would just personally share my experience with this company! and if you'd like to order from them you can click on the link below and get $10 off your first order! and I get $10 so it works out for us both!

CLICK HERE!! http://www.thredup.com/r/SXAMMH

**I was not paid to write this post. Just wanted to share my wonderful experience with this company**

**These are the 3 orders I've done with ThredUp so far.**

Wisdom Teeth.

**Thanks for all the wonderful comments you gave me on my last post! You guys are seriously the best readers!!**

Well my plan today was to write a post...but I didnt..until now.

I was supposta get my wisdom teeth out next Friday...but if your not following me on twitter, instagram or a friend of mine on FB, you'd know I got them out TODAY!

I wasn't too nervous until I got into the back room with the evil chair and the assistances started hooking me up to things. I finally just started feeling like I needed to get out of that chair, and I even told one of the DA's that I needed to get out of the chair and didnt want to do this. They had the heart monitor hooked up to me and they could tell I was stressing out, so I asked them to go get P for me. They were happy to do so, and when P and Ev got in the room I was immediatly calm! Made life much better for me, and then the DA's and Dentist were super nice in calming me down after they left by talking about how cute Evelyn was. Next thing I knew after they made a vein colapse and hooked my IV up and started the medicine I noticed the vent above my head moving and being told that it was "normal" for the vent to move....I woke up walking out the door and asking where my teeth were. Thats about all I remember until I got home. At some point we were at a pharmacy, the gas station getting Gatorade and then I was in my kitchen taking my percecet. Oh and I had sent out texts and Instagramed a photo of me... this one.

Thanks for not making fun of me. I know it looks like I have a giant tampon in my mouth.

I'm glad I did it, and it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be. But oh man I'm glad they let P and Ev come see me, because I was so close to jumping out of that chair and saying "EFF THIS!!"

Now I am in my bed taking it easy. Trying to remember I dont get breaks like these very often and after all my anxiety this is a good break. I'm glad I have such a supportive husband who's just completly taken my role and let me relax. He's gone above and beyond what he could be doing, like offering to get me KFC mashed potatoes finding me some soft chocolate so I can have a little treat, and really he's just been amazing.

I should be feeling better in a few days, and I plan on reading, watching my TiVO, blogging and maybe throw in a bubble bath. Its a crappy way to have a break, but its a break. Even if I seriously miss Evelyn like crazy, she just is too rough with my face when she wants kisses, I still make sure to pop out of the room and see her and see what her and P are doing. Hopefully I can come up with some good ideas for blogs :)

Have a happy weekend everyone!!

I went to church.

If you've known me my whole life....which you probably don't. You'd know that I'm not a very religious person. I grew up a Mormon/LDS and always went to church with my family. When I turned 18 I strayed away. After all the things I've gone through in life, I'm surprised I didn't do it sooner. In our ward if you weren't rich and popular you were pretty much the dirt everyone walked on. While I loved the girls my age, most were cheerleaders and it was usually a popularity contest. My parents ward still to this day is like that.
When I was home from deployment #2 I was going to church all the time, I enjoyed being concidered an "adult" and it was a way to bring me some comfort into my life while P was gone. After Evelyn was born and P went back to Iraq most of my time was spent breastfeeding, taking care of Evelyn and preparing to move back to Kansas so church went away for me again. Even though I never felt any support from my bishop, especially after I had Evelyn or when P was home, I just didnt feel like apart of it when the leaders weren't taking an intrest in my solider, when they took an intrest in other families soldiers.
I dont mean to give the church a bad wrap, this is just my personal experience with this ward.

I've been feeling like I need some more God in my life lately. I've always missed church and the social interaction. I don't really like to drink or party anymore, my life has just smoothed out alot and I want friends with the same values as me. While I'm not sure how I feel about some of the asspects of the Mormon religion but I knew that another church was not going to be for me.
So P had a jump yesterday and I decided that Ev and I would go to church with my friend Sasha. The meeting was at 2 and as nervous and I was to go, I felt like it was just what I needed! I needed to feel closer to God again, and of course wether you like it or not when you go to church after a long time, the lesson they teach is just what you needed to hear.
Evelyn did very good too, she has her little drama queen attitude but usually when I told her to be quite she would be. I only had to take her into the hallway once, and she was mainly pretty decent otherwise.
I decided I need to get some more church clothes because going really did make me feel good. I don't think P wants to go, and thats just fine, that probably means I won't need to take Evelyn. But I just feel like 3 hours a week to dedicate to someone else besides myself is what my life needs right now.

I'm not sure how this will all work out. The senior missionaries have been coming to my house for a while now, and I've really enjoyed them. I know that they know I'm just looking for answers and trying to find some peace in my life. I don't have high expectations other then hoping I start to feel more connected to God once again. But I'm glad I went and I hope next week will be great too!

I'm a nice person..

If you've ever met me/text me/called me whatever, you'd know I am a very nice person. I dont like to complain, I am always willing to help when your in need, I really enjoy just being a friend. Of course this usually ends up with some heart ache along the way and people walking all over me. $20 in gas here and then $300 later I'm shit out of luck type of stuff. (Yes this happened in high school)

I won an Origami Owl necklace from a blogger girl, who's now at BCT, and I was so excited! I've been dying for one of these necklaces! Now I only won the locket but still that's $20 off the purchase price, so P and I decided I would order it for my Valentines Day present. I was so excited jumped right on board and ordered and paid for it.

The lady I was working with seeme super nice, and very helpful letting me take my time to decide what I was for sure. Then after I paid for it and recived the locket, it was missing 2 of my charms and had one I didnt order inside it. "Ok no big deal, I'll contact her and send the charm back." I thought. She apologized and said she'd send me out the charms the following Monday (2 days away), and I said I would send the charm I didnt order back. P told me I shouldn't send the charm back until I recived the one I ordered, but me being the nice person I am thought no one would be that rude to never send me my charms.

Here I am 3 weeks later....I still dont have my charms. I have contacted this person plenty of times and have been told "I sent them out" to "sorry my dads taken a turn for the worse"...ok that one got me, I felt bad and said I didnt want to put any pressure on her, but I also didnt want to get ripped off and not recieve what I ordered. But at the same time, this woman was updating her FB page constantly and putting up photos of other necklaces she had made for other customers.

Last week I sent her an email telling her very nicley that I still had not recieved my charms and that I was not a happy customer and I didnt understand why I was being lied to when all I wanted was what I personally paid for. No responce.

So yesterday I wrote this on my personal FB page.

"Last month I won an origami owl necklace from a blog friend. After receiving my necklace I got one charm I didn't order and was missing 2 charms, I contacted my consultant and let her know and sent her charm back to her. Now I paid for these charms and this lady has not done anything but lied and said she sent my charms and every time I ask her what's going on she give me an excuse. Everyone who knows me knows I'm super nice but I'm seriously at my breaking point. Even though I won the locket I still paid over $50 for chains and charms. I've contacted Origami Owl and still nothing. I don't know what else I can do, but I'm so disappointed, I really wanted this necklace and it sucks to pay for it and not get what you paid for. If your personally selling anything don't let your customers down."

and I got about 5 responces telling me I had every right to be ticked and that I needed to do something more. So Origami Owl via twitter told me to call them and I said I would be doing that today. I also wrote the consultant again this morning and told her I was super upset that I was being lied to and was reporting her to Origami Owl. I'm going to print out the emails and FB messages and hopefully Origami Owl will do something!! I just want what I paid for.

I've worked in customer service and know it sucks when people and mean and impatient, but it sucks so much to have someone rip you off. P and I budgetted so I could have this necklace that I have been dying for, and then someone does something like this to me. Its not a good feeling, and I'll never recommend this person to anyone.

Ask Me Anthing; Answers.

I was kinda suprised I didnt get many questions, but 3 will do :)

Chantal at Scattered Seashells asked:

what are you dream places to live?

As far as Military goes, we want to go anywhere from Hawaii, Washington and Colorado. But if I had any option, I'd pick Austrailia and France.

Jen at The Adventures of Our Army Life asked:

What is the one thing you love about military life?

I think its actually the adventure of moving. I never moved until I was married, and ever since then I've never been in one place for more then a year! It seems like a pain but so far I've really enjoyed moving alot! I love the idea of moving every few years, but I'm sure I'll regret that when Evelyn is a little older.

Ashlee at I'll Love You Forever asked:

What is your fav thing so far about NC?!

I actually love living where we do! I'm 2 hours from the beach, and I dont have to drive 1 to 2 hours to go to a decent mall like we did in Kansas. But one of the best things about living here is that they have some amazing tempetures...besides summer with all that humidity, lucky for the neighborhood pool just down my street. Seriously you have summer weather for almost half the year or longer! And as much as I miss the snowy winters of Utah, its been kind of nice to have 70 degree temps in December :)