life with two!

Wow you guys! I've been a Mom of 2 for almost 6 weeks... and its been crazy!! For anyone that thinks their new newborn will be just like their first... let me laugh in your face for a moment... HAHAHA!! Don't fool yourself! I did that. But before I explain that reasoning I have to say life has been nuts. I mean NUTS!!

Evelyn was a perfect newborn... never cared to be held all the time, loved being on her own, in her on bed. Perfect on schedule... I mean perfect! I could get all my chores done, and she'd be content in her swing. Valerie... shes a pretty good newborn, but she's very demanding. Pick her up, not later... NOW! Hungry? Wait a moment?...NEVER! I swear most of the time its pretty good... but with a toddler who want's Mommys attention too, its a little difficult!

I've had alot of people tell me they admire how together I seem... and I can only think in the back of my head "oh no no no no please no! don't let me fool you into thinking this is easy!". I love that so many people think I am doing so great, it boosts my self esteem so much! But I'd hate to fool anyone into thinking I have a handle on things... I really don't.

I'm learning, and I'm not fond on learning how to handle this. When P is home, I can do it like a pro! But when he is not... its hard. I won't lie. Evelyn loves her sister, but Evelyn also knows that when Mom is busy nursing Valerie that she can probably get away with murder. Throw her toys everywhere... on it! Pick them up... its a fight to the death!! Evelyn was a pro at picking up her toys when I was pregnant... after words, it takes forever and sometimes a day to pick up just one toy... finally we took all but 5 little toys away from her, because we can't stand the two full boxes of toys being thrown all over and her refusing to pick them up.

We hear we are a little strict with her... but it usually works for her.

Evelyn also refuses to eat dinner or nap now. Its just fun!

Its a lot of work... but even when I feel like I am loosing this battle of trying to make everyone adjusted, on a schedule, little things like this happen...

And then its then... I remember. My house doesn't need to be spotless, I don't need to have the answers, and the days of fighting to make them both nap will be gone all too soon. These are the moments that matter, and although it may mean we have cereal for dinner and P might have to wear a dirty shirt to PT, as long as these two girls are happy and healthy... nothing else matters! If I raise them to be decent human beings, I have done my job! Sure, it's hard sometimes but they are worth every single second!

Valerie's Birth Story

How do I even begin to start this story... I guess I'd have to go all the way back to my due date which was January 2nd. My Mom had arrived in town a few days before, and I had my 40 week appointment. P and I went to this appointment alone, and we were very anxious to see if anything was happening in there. I was over due with Evelyn, so I sort of expected to be over due with Valerie too. We got to my appointment and because of the holidays I was forced to see a OB then seeing my regular Midwife. We got back into the room and the doctor did a quick ultrasound, the baby looked fine. The doctor scheduled me for an induction which was set for 12 days after my due date... I was super upset about it. Not only would P be in the field but it was also the day my Dad would be flying back home. We asked him if we could do anything at home to get the process started and he basically told us "nothing can be done, the baby will come when she's ready and there's nothing you can do about it"... and no joke, he was super rude. I left my appointment in tears. I set up an appointment for my NST and a 41 week appointment which I was hoping would end up being unnecessary.

I was really upset about the doctor telling me that I just couldn't do anything at all but wait... So I decided that even if he think's I can't do anything, that I needed to at least TRY! My Mom and I asked for lots of advice and then spent a day picking up things like primrose oil, raspberry tea, eggplant parmesan, birthing balls, clary sage and massage oils! I walked and shopped like a mad woman! I was bound and determined to help my body get ready for this. But... nothing worked.

Finally my Dad came to town, and him and my Mom got a hotel with a pool so that Evelyn could have some fun. We went swimming with them one night and I spent the majority of the time in the pool swimming laps. When we were done with the pool and I was in the bathroom I suddenly felt my bladder let go of itself... I started pretty much peeing everywhere. This had happened to me twice already, I pee'd myself a few times ok. I was so not sure if I just had water in me, if I pee'd or if my water broke. I grabbed some toilet paper and decided to see if I leaked anymore on the way home and up until bed time... I didn't see much water... so I just wasn't sure what happened. I just assumed I pee'd my pants again and went to sleep.

The next day was my 41 week appointment and it was at 9AM. I had a few contractions that night but nothing regular. I had a different OB this time, thank goodness! The doctor pulled out the ultrasound machine to see what was going on and it turned out I only had 2cm of amniotic fluid in me (found out my water had indeed broke). He sent me straight upstairs to be checked into L&D. He told me not to get my hopes up though, that the hospital would likely check me again and if the baby pee'd, my water might go back up. So P and I headed straight upstairs. As I was getting checked in they told me that I was indeed being induced that day! P left to go home and get our bags, while I waited in the waiting room for our room to be ready. All I could think about was how much I already missed Evelyn, I had been spending a lot of time with her, but suddenly I felt like I didn't get enough in. But this was it, and boy were we ready to have our new addition here!

My Last Pregnant picture!

41weeks 1day

 

P and I settled into our room and we got all set up and ready to go. I was hooked to fluids, Pitocin and penicillin. I was hoping I could handle birth and not need an epidural but I made sure to sign the papers just in case I felt like I needed it. I was check in at 3cm, 50% effaced and a -2. By 4pm I was checked and had only progressed to a 4! I was certain I was in for a long labor.

 

I handled my contractions the best I could. P was seriously amazing! He supported me though it all, gave me his hand when I needed it, and rubbed my back. He also was so sweet and would help me to the bathroom every time I needed to go, and with that much fluids hooked to me, I went a lot!

 

At about 7-7:30 I could not handle my contractions any longer. I was having horrible back labor, and if you've never had back labor it feels like your back is splitting in two! I tried so hard to put up with it, and when the tears started rolling and I was feeling exhausted and hungry because I hadn't ate since breakfast, I knew I was done experiencing the miracle of natural birth. I knew though that I gave it my all! Getting my epidural SUCKED! They got me once... and it didn't work. So they stuck me again... meanwhile my nurse has her hand up my gown to keep the monitor on the baby and I am sweating so bad from the contractions and the fact that I was nervous. I looked my nurse straight in the face and told her how sorry I was. She didn't seem to mind but I'm sure it wasn't her biggest highlight of the night. After the epidural seemed to be working, I decided to take a nap. I had a rough night with Evelyn and I knew I needed the rest. It took some time but with some calming from P I finally was asleep by about 8:30.

 

I woke up at 9 with a horrible pressure in my butt! I'm talking like HUGE pressure! I was huffing and puffing! I grabbed that epidural button and clicked on it a few times and it wasn't going away. My Epidural failed me! I paged my nurse and after 3 more contractions, I paged her again and said "I NEED SOMEONE NOW!!", suddenly my nurse and my midwife, who hadn't checked on me in hours was in my room. I told them about the horrible pressure I was having and the biggest urge to push. They checked me and I was a -2! Baby girl was right there!! I screamed "OH MY GOD!!, someone fix my epidural!", they said there was nothing they could do about it now and that I should try pushing a few times... little did they know how amazing I am at birth.. in two pushes they told me to stop because she was coming now. Suddenly P is right next to me, and 8 people are surrounding me and telling me to PUSH!

 

I started pushing and I felt everything!, and I mean EVERYTHING! I was a woman screaming in labor, anything to help me and empower me, I was doing. P was next to me cheering me on, my nurses were telling me what was happening down below, and I was screaming "holy shit! I feel everything!!". It felt good to scream for a second and then push again! Not many pushes left and I saw her arm fly up in the air! I was told one more push and I gave it my all!! I pushed like I had never pushed before and suddenly she was in my arms!

Valerie Alisha

January 10, 2014

9:40PM

7lbs 9oz

19inches



 

I started to bawl and the only thing I could say was "you look just like your sister!". I was being cleaned up and I was doing skin to skin with Valerie. I got her latched on right away and I looked up at P and we were both in awe with her. She looked gorgeous! We had just added a beautiful little girl to our world and we were elated with pride and joy!

 

Because it was so late P and I had Valerie all to ourselves. We didn't get moved to the recovery room until 2am, but it was ok. We called all our family and sent photos to everyone. Cool fact: Valerie was born on my parents 38th Wedding Anniversary. We got very little sleep in, and we were pretty much forced to wake up at 6:30 to eat breakfast. So began the little sleep time in our life.

 

That morning my Mom and Dad brought Evelyn to meet Valerie. I was super excited to see her! I really couldn't wait to see what Evelyn thought of Val. Evelyn was super excited to be in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and everything! Her obsession with Doc McStuffin's really helps! You could tell Evelyn was confused at what I ment by Valerie was the baby we had been talking about for months. Suddenly mommys tummy was gone and there was a baby there. But as soon as we let Evelyn hold her, she kept saying "She's cute!". She counted her fingers and toes and gave her kisses. She was just how I wanted her to be with her new sister, and has pretty much stayed that way. She loves being a big sister!

 



We all feel so blessed to have welcomed baby Valerie into our family! Valeries middle name is after my little sister Alisha, some of you know Evelyn's middle name is after my other sister Suzanne. I have now had the pleasure of honoring two very important people in my life. I hope my girls will look at them both as the amazing women they were. Suzanne passed away 13 years ago and Alisha is mentally and physically handicapped. I'm proud to have honored them both in such a special way.

Our Family of Four!

 



Potty Training... Its happening!!

I never thought this day would come... after at least 10 false alarms, and Evelyn thinking she was ready, and turning out to not be ready, its really here! Last Sunday, Evelyn insisted on using the potty so I took her to the bathroom... she went, and then she went again and again and again!! Words cannot describe the joy I felt knowing this was more then likely it! I really didn't think she'd want to do it for a while, and to be honest... I was mentally preparing to fly to Germany with two kids in diapers.

Its been over a week now since I have even touched a diaper! Not including pull-ups. I know in some situations pull-ups are no no's but Evelyn does not understand getting up and using the potty at night, and until she has control of her bladder, I'm not going force it.

I'm glad that I decided to take a step back and stop trying to force her into potty training... this is a huge step for her and she should be the one to make the decision to do it, not me or her Dad. Now that she's using the potty... almost like a pro, it makes me so proud to see her have made this decision.

I'm still cleaning up messes sometimes, and of course she's having an issue pooping in the potty, but I expected that. But I know we are on our way! I couldn't be prouder of my little one.

She's thrilled to keep her Minnie Mouse and Bubble Guppie panties dry, and gladly tells me she is dry when I ask her if she is. She also gets the hint that if she does good all day she gets to pick a treat from her Halloween bucket. Best use for Halloween candy I swear!

Now that she has this new found freedom... she also has decided to learn how to take clothes off, and at this point... I don't mind. I'm glad we aren't living in Utah though so she's not freezing!

Halloween!

Halloween is usually my favorite holiday! I have a ton of décor and my house is decked out. I'm always looking for ways to get more into the spirit of it all. It's such a unique holiday, which is why I love it so much! I'm curious how it will be in Germany next year :)

This year we actually had a lot going on! We had my churches trunk-or-treat, plus P's work's Halloween Party, Playgroups Halloween party and then Halloween! Evelyn ended up with so much candy, and I'm telling you, most of it will end up in the trash... I wish I had done the switch witch thing this year.

At my church's Halloween Party.

(ps. I got so many compliments on this shirt!)

A lot of people were confused about Evelyns costume... A LOT of people asked me if she was a ladybug. I guess that's what we get for going with the Original Minnie Mouse color of Red and not a traditional store bought costume.. also probably the fact she refused to wear her ears.

Other then that I thought Evelyn looked very adorable! this is her second time trick-or-treating and she was able to say the words "tick or treat!" and always made sure to say thank you! She knew exactly what she was doing, and nothing brings a smile to mine and P's faces more then seeing her really involved in something and enjoying it!

We had a moment during the night where she tripped and spilled some candy and Evelyn without skipping a beat said "Oh no! My candy!!" But after collecting her candy and putting it back in her bucket, she was off to the next house.

When we were done trick-or-treating we came and sat with P and passed out candy, Evelyn loved seeing everyone in their costumes! It was a really great night! I swear having kids makes Holidays so much more fun and important to me. I'm so glad Evelyn had a fun filled October and Halloween :)

Finally Some Fun!

I have felt really bad the last few months. Summers in the South are seriously awful! The humidity is horrid, the heat is overpowering and unless you're getting in a body of water, its really not that great! I'll also be honest about something... I don't handle heat very well at all! I can't stand being stuck to my clothes, drinking so much water which then leads to peeing every 5 minutes. I just suck at Summer. On top of the regular summer issues, I was also pregnant this year... I've been pregnant in the summer before, but I was 7 months along by the time it started to get hot, and it didn't bother me one damn bit to not leave the house. Now I have Evelyn... so not leaving the house isn't always an option... but still, if we didn't get out early in the morning, or be going to the pool.. we didn't spend much time outside. I'm lucky she's two and doesn't really care. But still this summer wasn't a fun one.

Finally here in good ol' NC it has cooled down! I haven't seen the sun in maybe 2 weeks, and I don't care! Evelyn and I are out having fun almost every single day! Its been a blast to be out with her. I think P has been enjoying that we are getting out too.

The last few weekends we have had trips to the parks, pumpkin patches, painting pumpking, carving pumpkins... I mean really we have had fun! I'm even more so in the mood to get her doing more things indoors when I am busy cleaning or whatever else I need to do. You can definitely see a difference with Evelyn in how she feels.

I could really beat myself up about not being active this summer, but I can only do so much. Having morning sickness and chasing a toddler was ALOT! Plus keeping up on all my household duties... sometimes it just was hard enough to stay awake because I was so exhausted. I was lucky enough that P helped pick up the slack, and Evelyn was very patient in waiting for Mommy to feel better. Now that its cooler and I am feeling loads better, except for a few Braxton hicks here and there, we will be getting out lots more before baby comes and we are limited to doing too much again. I am so glad I can make things up to her as time goes on and she's just as happy as can be about it.

cherish the moments.

I gotta say... that title is something I have a very hard time doing, especially lately. I have been so frustrated with my toddler and her terrible twos that I am almost projecting them onto other people. I've even contemplated losing a few friends because I can't stand that they don't know how hard it is for me to have Evelyn all day and be pregnant.

I realize exactly how ridiculous that statement sounds. Lets face it, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Its no one's fault that Evelyn is testing boundaries and that I am tired and more easily frustrated then I usually am.

Yesterday was one of my hard days... and I tell you, it was bad. I was so frustrated that after punishing Evelyn and getting after her for not listening and just flat out horrible behavior, I just sat down and bawled my eyes out. Evelyn kept telling me that it was ok and that I was indeed crying, and it cheered me up a bit. Finally I text P and told him that I was quitting the day, that he would be coming home to a wife on the couch and a toddler in front of the TV. Luckily he was super nice about it, and just knew I needed to stop. I mean we all reach that breaking point at one point or another where we just need to stop. We need to do it for our own sanity! Nothing wrong with that either.

This morning I woke up, and while laying in bed checking FB and other social media sites I learned that a member of my church just found out her son has cancer. This little boy is maybe...7, they just moved away at are in Utah visiting family when they found out the news, and that he will be starting Chemo this morning. As I laid there thinking about them and how they must be feeling when I did what I think almost everyone does... you think about what if that was your child. The ache in your heart gets worse, your heart breaks for that family a little more, and then I realized how if I had just found out Evelyn was sick that I would have just had a horrible day with her where I wasn't happy with her and her behavior... and that made me sick to my stomach.

I know its ok to have moments with your child that aren't perfect, and that we all need down time and moments of relaxing when your child is just not behaving.

So after a moment to letting that settle in, I could hear Evelyn playing in her room, for once she didn't climb in my bed this morning, so I called for her to come to me and she came running in my room with the sweetest smile and said "hi mama!", I held my arms out to her and she jumped right into them, I brought her up into my bed and laid her next to me and began to tell her how much I loved her, and as she always does she respond with "you too *kiss*", and I told myself that today will be a better day, if not for me then for this family who has a long journey ahead of them.

How I ended up co-sleeping...

I have never wanted to co-sleep... I really didn't. When I was pregnant with Evelyn and I was living at home, my brother and his wife were co-sleeping with their son. I saw the good, the bad and all the in-between with co-sleeping. Because my nephew was almost one when I moved home, I didn't see it as a big deal...but the farther it went the more I saw it as an inconvenience. To this day my nephew is 3 1/2 and is still in bed with them. I've never ever minded Evelyn sleeping in bed with us on certain occasions such as her being sick or being on vacations. I just never wanted to have an older kid in bed with me.

When I first got pregnant with baby #2, I was seriously ex-haust-ed! no joke. I had never felt so tired in my life. Evelyn started getting up at 5:30 and when she would come into my room to get me, I'd pull her into bed with me, and she'd go straight back to sleep... here we are, I am now 28 weeks along and about 5am every morning, Evelyn is climbing in bed with me to sleep... and earlier if she can.

I haven't minded it. Its been nice having her there, she sleeps so well. But I also realize that with a new baby on the way and about to come into my room to sleep (in a bassinet), that having both my girls right there might not be so smart. I also don't want to let Evelyn think that her new sister is getting more attention, or that Mommy loves the new baby more then her. So I'm at a cross roads.

P is not a fan of Evelyn sleeping in bed with me after he leaves for work... and he's honestly not happy that the new baby will be in our room when she's first born. But its not his choice ;).... just kidding.

I am not 100% on what to do. I am sure that I need to talk Evelyn into going back into her own bed... but when I have done that, I felt bad, I miss my little baby and she'll only be my only child for less then 3 short months now. I just miss her. But I also don't want conflict when the baby comes, especially if I am not sleeping well, or the baby some how ends up in my bed and then I won't know Evelyn's in the bed as well... its so confusing!

I've given myself a little break... told myself to just love on Evelyn a little longer. I'll always want to love on her... but she's almost 2 1/2... which means she's almost 3! and soon... she wont want to cuddle me... and I cannot stand that thought. I don't know what I'll do but for now... I am just going to hold onto my little one a little longer.

Whats up with Evelyn.

I really truly believed for a long time that Evelyn was a perfect little angel. She has her good and bad days, but usually she's pretty good. I almost never had to punish her or practically beg her to pick up her toys. She did everything with a smile...

Fast forward a few months... Holy hell! Evelyn is still an amazing little girl, but she's in time out at least 3 times a day, usually for not listening. She's started her "drama queen" attitude, which is a total mirror image of who I was until I was 18 (woo), she also doesn't like to pick up toys... just for her to pick up her room it takes us about 15 minutes (max), to get her started, it usually hits the breaking point when she gets put in time out for hitting/running away from me. I really sometimes have no idea where that sweet little toddler went. P and I finally decided to put child locks on the doors so that she cannot enter any room she pleases and make messes. Her room also has one on it, so we can contain the messes.

For the most part though... I do have to say I have a little sweetheart. She is so in love with her Daddy and really in love with my belly. She is having a hard time learning boundaries with me now that I cannot be her trampoline, but I try to be very forgiving. I know how much her life is about to change and we are doing our best to prepare her for her Sissy.

I'm lucky enough that a few of my friends have had babies lately and I just love how in awe she is of all these little babies. She doesn't touch without permission and just says "awe how cute!", "its a baby!", "shhh she's sleeping". She's done great and I can only hope she'll keep it up with her new sibling. My mom reminds me though I might have to worry about her trying to mother her sibling, but I can't expect Evelyn to be a complete angel either. I'm sure we'll end up with some funny stories.

Evelyn is suddenly super interested in Pirates! I know that P is stoked that Evelyn will pick up sticks outside and they can have a little duel. She's completely in love with Hook, and screams every time he comes on Jake and the Neverland Pirates. But she's still very girlie and loves to dress up and is still in love with Minnie Mouse.

We started doing school time with her. We registered for ABCmouse.com and Evelyn has been really enjoying it! She is mainly focusing on her ABC's, animals and numbers. She used to really try with her colors and suddenly everything is now "ink!" to her, so I had that take a backseat, but still correct her if she calls her banana's, "ink".

Other then that, Evelyn is still a really great kid! She gets along so well with other children and is usually just so happy to be alive! She loves acting like a big kid, although she's super NOT interested in potty training, but we are working on it :) We are so blessed to have this little girl apart of our lives, I have high hopes for her future.

The day I took this photo.

I look at this photo and smile. Really... its my kid in a cart with a bunch of things and Evelyn is crying. Most people would assume that Evelyn is exhausted and wants to get out of her cart. But what really happened was Evelyn did amazing all day! We went to the consignment sale, an hour early to make sure we'd end up with a shopping cart. Evelyn enjoyed looking at all the toys, helping me along the way and playing doctor with my necklaces. Until I saw this shopping cart... and I just knew I had to grab it! $5 was a steal to me since all the ones I've seen are $20 or more and because I know how much Evelyn loves shopping carts and baby strollers I picked it up for Christmas and the moment I did she wanted that cart. She bawled and bawled, and considering this was my very last thing I picked up you can only see the sadness on her face from knowing she had been so good but still had to wait to play with her new toy. Mommy saying "hunny its ok! I promise you, you can play with it later" was even worse for her. Its really the simple things in life that make kids happy. I did allow her to play with it when we got home, I mean seriously how could I not, she was so good for 2 whole hours! Its such a cute picture that I will cherish forever. Its the simple things in life for kids.

Evelyns Birthday!

Hey you guys! Sorry it took me so long to get to this! Evelyn got really sick on Monday and was running a high fever for a few days, and just started feeling better today.

Evelyn had such a fun Birthday! Last year P was graduating Airborne School, and I was in Utah with my family. So it was nice to all be together this year. Evelyn woke up and came straight into our room bright and early at 6am! We put her into our bed and cuddled our new little two year old. Its one of those times where life just seems to be perfect! 2 years has flown by and it feels like we just brought her home from the hospital.

P had insisted we spoil Evelyn and get her some donuts for her birthday, so off he went to get Evelyn some fresh Krispy Kream's. When P returned we gave Ev her chocolate frosted donut with Sprinkles and placed 2 candles ontop and sang Happy Birthday to her! She just really didn't understand what the heck we were doing.

After breakfast we had Evelyn open up a few presents. Lucky girl got spoiled rotten! I've mentioned before that I had been working on her toddler room...and this was that final finishing piece to her room. Her new bedding for her big girl bed! Seriously... you cannot go wrong with giving your kid bedding. Evelyn was so excited to get her Minnie Mouse bedding and on top of that, she got a Minnie Mouse pillow pet from my parents.

I'll have to do her bedroom reveal next week sometime. It looks great!

Evelyn had her party on her birthday too and we were so glad we had so many people come to her party! Evelyn loved running around with all the kids!

One of my wonderful friends made this cake for Evelyn.

 



It was a wonderful day!

Evelyn is the biggest blessing to us and our family. She has the sweetest spirit about her! We couldn't be more proud to be this little angels parents. She really is amazing!

Birthday Girl!

I cannot believe that 2 years ago, I was giving birth to a little girl! That I was lucky enough to have my husband by my side, and start our lives together as a family of 3. We have always felt incredibly blessed to have Evelyn be apart of our lives, she has made our lives so much better and our marriage even stronger! I honestly don't think God could have given us an anymore perfect child. She's got an amazing personality and is just full of life! She loves to adventure but she also loves to hang out and just be with us. She's loved and cared for by so many people and she loves them back just as much! She's so friendly with almost everyone she comes in contact with.

 Evelyn Day 1. First photo.

One of my favorite phases she says now is when I ask her how old she's going to be, she'll whisper back "Nine".

She can tell you where her head, mouth, toes, nose, elbow, eyes and ears are. She knows some of her animal sounds but she prefers the ones that say "RAWR!". Her favorite Disney character at the moment is Minnie Mouse!

1st Birthday Party!

I cannot wait to see how this year turns out for my little girl! She's embarking on a huge journey to be a big sister and by the way she already rubs my belly, and proclaims that its a "ooy!" Just makes my life! I can't wait to see how she does once the little one arrives.

Happy Birthday Evelyn! We love you move then words! Have a wonderful fantastic day!

Sleep.

When we found out I was pregnant, we decided almost immediately we needed to put Ev in a toddler bed, and I think we seriously jumped the gun a little much on it. I think within a week we had found a bed and put Ev in her toddler bed. I had kinda said I wanted to wait till I was back from my Utah trip, but Ev was so excited about her new bed that I couldn't resist watching her climb into her bed, curl up and read a book till she fell asleep it was so cute... and she still does it which is cute... but I cannot even begin to tell you how much Evelyn is aware of the new freedom in this bed.

If you have ever been pregnant you know that the 1st trimester is exhausting! I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Evelyn, but then I was living with my parents so I didn't have much to clean up, or a toddler running around. This go around I just feel really flippin' tired all the time! I do my best to go to bed early and if I can I sneek in a nap while Ev is down for hers. But I tell you... with this new found freedom Ev is suddenly so aware of... she knows she can get out of bed, and come right into my room at 4am, and thinks its time to wake up, then I am begging her to go to bed, while she screams and cries, and sometimes I cannot get her back to sleep.

When she first started doing this she was up at 6:30 on the dot. Now it's 5:30 and earlier. I guess I am getting payback for feeling like I was so lucky she would sleep till 7 or 8 this whole time. Usually I have just been grabbing her and putting her in my bed, because P has already left for work, and I'll turn on Blue's Clues or Yo Gabba Gabba so I can sleep a little longer. Which honestly makes me feel like a bad lazy parent... which is not what I want. I just want Ev to sleep!

I don't really even know what to do with this sleep situation. I'm just trying to make it through.. and I am sure once I am over being so tired and gain some energy back that I will be more willing to get up earlier... probably not, but I can definitely say... I miss her being in a crib, where she literally could wake up early and once I told her to go back to bed, she'd maybe cry for 5 minutes and go back to sleep. Also the paci... but I am glad its gone! I'm not going back to that!

Thanks for listening to my whining. I can't wait for naptime! Zzzz...

Evelyn's Zoo Day!

I knew while I was in Utah I wanted to take Ev to the Zoo. The Zoo here isn't too big, but isn't very small so its almost perfect to try her out and see how she'll do outside, in the hot sun for a few hours. Plus Ev is a big visual learner, the first time she saw a cow up close she said "Mooo" for hours!

Ev had a blast at the Zoo and barely spent any time in her stroller. She saw Monkeys first and all she could say was "EEE's!!" and "AH AH!". But once she saw the Seaotters it was all over for her, the Zoo has the cage where you can see them underwater and Ev got the biggest kick out of watch them swim around and play!

At the Zoo this summer they have a Lego exhibit, where there are all sorts of Lego animals everywhere its pretty cool to see!

Also my nephew Ashton joined in on the fun with us, and he is just the cutest and pushed Ev all over the Zoo in her stoller when he wasn't in it.

It was a pretty great day! Now I really want to take Ev to the Zoo in NC, but we will see..its so hot there!

A letter to a future big sister.

Dear Evelyn,

I never thought I would be saying that so soon! Your Daddy and I are so overwhelmed, excited and maybe a little scared to be welcoming a new baby into the world, but we are certain that you'll be an amazing sister!

Many parents are scared and nervous about bringing a new baby into the family, but not us. You've loved babies ever since you were born. You love your baby dolls and your so gentle with any newborn you come in contact with. I have 100% confidence in you being the best big sister and mommies little helper.

I'm sure when you heard me tell you that you were going to be a big sister, that nothing clicked into your head. While my head was fuzzy and trying to comprehend what was happening you gladly replied with "sissser", ever since then if I ask if you want to be a big sister you smile and reply "sissser". Your making us all very excited to see you be a big sister.

I have no doubt that you'll have your good days and bad days with this new little adventure we are embarking on, but I also know how well you adapt to new things, so I hope you'll do very well!

I know its going to be hard, and I know you might not always feel loved when you got another baby in the mix. But I will love you and your new sibling whole heartedly! Your never going to not have your parents love. We will always love you baby girl, you have been a huge rock in this family and we try to better ourselves for you and now your new sibling.

I cannot wait to see you grow into this new adventure and become an amazing big sister! You'll always have us and your sibling in your life and its a bond to cherish.

I love you.

Love, Mom

Guess What...

To my sweet daughter.

Dear Evelyn,

I swear time just keeps on flying. I am about to put books on your head so you stop growing. Your an amazing, sweet hearted girl and you bring so much joy to so many peoples lives. I don't think I could be as happy as I am without you in my life, you brighten up my world and make me see a positive side of the world verses the ugly side.

As a mother it can scare me to see all the horrible things happening and not know how to shield you from all the hate in this world. I know there is only so much I can do to protect you, and one day you'll have a million questions and I may only have so many answers but at this moment I want you to know that no matter how evil a person can be, they are still a human being. They have parents just like you. You may see the dark side of them and how evil they are, and its sad for us to see that people can be like that, but always remember that just because someone is a bad person does not mean everyone is.

It seems like my generation has seen a lot of pain in the world, a lot more then they used to broadcast in your Grandparents day. I've seen terror attacks on our homeland and I have seen the sadness in your father to losing friends who died in a war. But as much pain in the world that I have seen, I've always seen a bigger side of it all.

I read a quote after the Boston Marathon bombings that said this...

" You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops in the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
- Gandhi

I'm sure as you get older you'll see your fair share of hate from other people, whether its in school or just on the news, and everytime you do I hope you see that quote in your head and remember that not everyone is evil. Brightness can and will over come darkness. You may not understand this now, but you will when your older and I hope you always see the good in the world. This world can be a beautiful place, you just have to remember that.

I love you forever and always my darling. Keep smiling and making everyone laugh.
Your a wonderful person.

Love, Mom

21 Months!

I know I know, I'm that mom. But you know what I am looking forward to putting these in Evelyns book. But this is just a short update.

Evelyn you are so smart! We have been working harder on your colors and animals, and even though I can hear it in your voice that you just don't care, you still humor me and try to say it. If I haven't said it already your "merrrow" aka "meow" is just adorable.

Your still on your pacifier at naptime and bedtime, and I'm not gonna lie...it doesn't bother me one bit anymore. I was planning on taking you off about now, but with another trip on the way, I'm not gonna bother until your birthday. You seem happy with it and with your last few molars on their way I'm glad I have it to keep you happy for a little bit.

I'm always concerned about you not liking some of your puzzles, but then one day you'll bring me a puzzle and put it together just fine. See like I said smart. You have really needed your own time to learn when you feel like it and I'm learning to be ok with it.

Potty training is not going anywhere. Your terrified of the potty. Your funny about it though, I always offer it to you and you'll sit for a moment and then stand back up and run away, even with your diaper on. But I'm not worried, this is another thing you'll want to learn on your own. I always thought I'd have you trained by now, but I can't force you and I don't want to anyways. When your ready its there for you.

Your still fascinated with Minnie Mouse and all your princesses. Your the perfect girlie girl! But you also love to play in the dirt with the neighbor boys! Your just fine with getting dirty!

Your favorite food is a "nana!" if I'd let you, you'd have one at every meal. Your not too picky really, you'll try almost anything now. Although I'm not into your habit of throwing your food and smearing it everywhere when your done with your meal.

We bought you your first plastic pool and you've just LOVED it!! It will definitely be one fun summer!!

I love you baby girl.

Evelyn Writes.

Hey you there, I don't know who you are but I'm pretty sure my Mom tells you all about me. I'm pretty much her life now I guess, but I'm glad I'm not all her. Just incase you don't know me, my name is Evelyn..but I just call myself "Eeee".

Sometimes my life is pretty rough, I don't really understand why I can't play with the wireless router, I mean come on I already broke it so what's the big deal? I also don't understand why I can't drink out of that red, white and blue can mom gets from the fridge..one day I'll get a taste of it.

I got some cool friends, my boyfriend Andrew lives next door with his brother, we get along so good. Mom and Miss Crystal talk about us getting married one day...I'm almost 2 Mom, I don't plan on getting married till at least 4.

I really like to talk on the phone. Sometimes Grandma and Grandpa call me on Skype and I stand there and tell them all my stories. I don't know why they laugh, most of it is pretty serious stuff like I need some raisins or a new outfit. I see them in person sometimes, but not for that long...they are pretty cool I guess. I hear I'm going to see them and my cousin Ashton soon...I'm not sure about that, Ashtons a whole year older and super mean, Mom says he's a future linebacker..whatever that is. I also hear my Grandma Sue is coming, I don't really remember her though, but hopefully she'll give me ice cream even if Mom says no.

I'm also a pretty cool dancer, I learned some of my moves from my Mom..but really its just all natural. But I'll tell you one thing, once she pulls out that darn recorder, its so funny to stop and not move, makes her so sad and makes her do silly things, doesn't she know I'm the boss.

I really like my Dad, its weird though how Mom is here all day and Dad is only here at night and a few days here and there...its like he's got some place better to be, but I like that he comes home and begs for kisses and I deny him. If he'd stay home I'd give him more. I don't really understand his uniform, he needs some necklaces to brighten that up.

Anyways...I got somethings to do like play with my ball, poop and get some juice. See you all later.

Bye Bye. *Kisses*

Evelyns View of Love.

You hear it all the time how important it is for your child to see their parents happy and in love. Wether the parents are together or not, your child learns from how you act. Its something I think about alot. I grew up never seeing my parents fight, sure they got into little arguments about how the living room set up, but nothing such as raising voices and storming off because they are mad. Its something I have always wanted to do with my kids. There really is no need to raise your voice, especially when your child is around. But I grew up raising my voice louder and louder trying to get my angry teenage selfs point across. I've kinda stayed that way too. Usually when P and I are arguing I raise my voice and he raises his and then it turns into yellin over eachother type of deal. Usually we stop it when we see Evelyn staring at us, and take it down a few notches. We've gotten alot better with it too! Which is good! Its a work in process from me being the right one all the time, and from P who's always witnessed fights, but we noticed it and we are trying.

Sometimes when I try to look through Evelyn's eyes and see what she is seeing this is what I think she see's.

For one she see's her mother who's working on the house, playing on her phone too much (not so much since I quit FB and Twitter!), making dinner, teaching her things and a playmate. She see's her Dad who is gone too much, but is the best playmate when he comes home, who is on his phone too much (we are working on that), who loves to throw her in the air, and cuddle her to death.

She see's alot of love we give her. But what about the love between P and I...what does she see?

She see's us stealing kisses through out the day, always saying I love you before we leave, cuddles on the couch, holding hands in the car, dancing in the kitchen ust because we can, she see's arguments sometimes but she also see's us appologize and make up for it, the random gifts we give eachother even if its just a beer after work, and best of all the tickles, smiles and laughs we have with eachother.

I had never really though about how my child would see love in this world. I grew up with an amazing example of love. P didn't have so much luck. I'm glad that this is a huge example we can set for Evelyn so easily. Just by being us we show her what she should look for in a husband one day, how a man should treat her, and that her parents love and respect eachother.

Happy 20 Months Evelyn!

Woah! that last month flew by! This one will be a short little update on Evelyn.

She is doing fantastic at catching onto words! She says so many!

She's learning her animals and foods now. Most of the time if I ask, "what does the doggy say?" she'll just say "I dun know." But she's getting better! You should hear her little "meow".

She's in 18 mo and 18-24 month clothing. Size 3 diapers! I think its been a year now that she's been in Size 3. She loves almost any fruit you give her! Picky eater otherwise though.