And your point is?

Lately I have been really wrapped up in sales, discounts, coupon clipping, menu planning and present wrapping! Can you blame me? Thanksgiving is coming up very soon and right after that is Christmas! I like to finish my Christmas shopping early, and it seems like every year I start earlier and earlier. I'm pretty big into getting the best deal I can. If I was brave enough you would probably find me actually in line to get into stores on Black Friday... but instead you'll find me going through online sales and finding coupons to get my family their gifts.

As you can see I get really wrapped up in giving gifts to my family. I know the season is not all about gifts, but this is the one time of year I feel it is appropriate to spoil my family!

As I was searching through my shopping apps on my phone this morning, looking at weekly deals and coupons at my favorite stores, I remembered what P said to me last year about my shopping. He told me; "If you don't stop shopping, you won't be getting anything for Christmas."... and my reaction was the same as last years... "So?" But then as I was searching some more, I started to think about why P would actually want to buy me a present... I mean, I don't need anything. I don't want much either... other then baking pans. My gift is to spoil them rotten, because I love them so much! and then there! You see it? I realized... P feels the same way! He never gets to buy me anything because if I ever need anything, I go get it. I take care of Evelyn's presents, parties and her needs as well. I do all of that. If P needs something, I make sure to grab it too. This is also his one time of year he gets to spoil his wife. He may not be so into finding the perfect gifts for Evelyn, but when he gets the chance to shop for his wife, he does take it seriously.

P treats his girls very well! He sometimes gets frustrated when I buy Evelyn a gift she doesn't need, or a cute outfit that is so not necessary, but you'll almost never hear him complain about it. He works 12+ hours a day and just wants to relax on weekends, so he really doesn't ever get the chance to go all out for anything other then Christmas and my Birthday.

So as I am going through ads and such thinking of going out and shopping this week or next, I stopped myself and decided to throw some more money into our "extra money" account. Its money we put aside for occasions such as Christmas, Birthdays and Vacations. Its money for P to use to shop for me... and money I won't touch. I still want to spoil him rotten for Christmas... and just a hint... Online Black Friday shopping is so worth it! Especially on...Video Games. But I'm glad I stopped myself and realized how important this is for him too. I hope he enjoys it... I'm sure I'll enjoy receiving it :)

The day I turned 24!

Sunday was my birthday! Its crazy how much I did not really care about my birthday this year. Usually I would plan a month in advance and order my own cake, but not this year...I didn't really care. I mean yeah I wanted to do something, but I guess birthdays to me just aren't so fabulous anymore. I have a daughter who's turn it is to have fantastic birthdays so to me, mine just aren't too important anymore. But I have a great husband who wants to make sure I have a good day, and it turned out really good.

Let me say this last weekend was so uhhmazing! I layed around almost the whole time, rarely got sick, and my husband basically was Mom to Ev for me. I really really needed that! Its crazy how much energy I lack this go around on this pregnancy. I was not this tired with Evelyn.

So on Sunday, P was great and woke up with Ev. My only complaint about it was that she finally slept past 6:30 and once I saw that I couldn't fall asleep again. Little stinker. I woke up to the smell of bacon seeping through the walls! But oh it smelt so good! Bacon, eggs and toast! Delicious!

P knows I am big on a few video games, and finally after 2 years of waiting my game BioShock Infinite came out. He was so great and bought it for me for my birthday! Its probably going to take me forever to finish, but I love the game! P had also set up an appointment for me to get my nails done! I haven't had my nails done since I left Utah last summer! So it was so nice to get them done! I did totally ruin my manicure though once I left the store, but that's just me I guess!

P was also amazing and make me his special ribs and corn on the cob! It was fantastic and he made me my cake! He didn't totally butcher it, I was impressed!! It was a great birthday! I'm so lucky and blessed to have the family I have!

 

p.s sorry for the lack of make-up! I'm really really tired.

When the MIL comes to town...

This week has been a hectic one....well and a stressful one...ok lets just call this week a week that was full of emotions. My Mother In Law was in town this week. I have my own personal issues with her, and P see's his Mom pretty close to a saint.

Its hard to marry a person who's just got one parent and that one parent isn't stable in her life. Its been a trip for me since both my parents are stable and are still married, so I have never experienced this side of the parent worlds. As much as I have tried to be understanding sometimes it can be hard.

P hasn't seen his Mom since December 2011, so Evelyn was 5 months old. His Mom cannot afford to fly out here and California is just too expensive so we agreed to fly her out here for a week. We have done this before and it ended up being a total disaster for me and her, so I wasn't looking forward to it at all. We made sure she'd be here when P had a 4 day weekend, so it wouldn't just be me and her constantly. That ended up working out pretty good, except for her sleeping all over the couch and it raining so we didn't go outside with Ev much. As soon as P headed back to work it went straight back to exactly what I thought it would be between me and her...no conversations, or one sided conversations, her sleeping on the couch, me taking care of everything and cleaning up after her messes. Not to mention she smokes and was bringing Ev around it...talk about a furious mother constantly and my house, favorite throw blanket, and such just smelling! I felt like I tried, I even took her shopping for Evelyn but it didn't work out like how I thought it would...and I just felt frustrated. So the last night I went to bed early to get away from her ignoring me and let P spend his last night with his Mom for probably a while. After P came to bed we talked and he thanked me for trying...and you all don't know how much that means to me.

Yesterday I took her to the airport, and the drive pretty much went how I thought it would, one sided convo. I got her to the airport and she cried and Evelyn just stared I hugged her and told her I love her...because whether we get along, I do. A few hours after I got home and I was dealing with the mess of men ripping up my floors, I got a text message from her thanking me for giving her a grandchild and for loving her son so much and that she loved me. I wrote her back and let her know I was happy to give her a grandchild and that P was the love of my life, and that I loved her too.

As much as I would have loved to of had a conversation like that in person, I know that this might be all she can give me right now. We still have a long way to go of understanding each other, and its going to take a while...but just getting that message went a long way for me and I'm really glad she said something.

Date Night with Luke Bryan...

wait...Did I just say that? I meant Date Night at the Luke Bryan concert.

Yes! While my parents were here we got to squeeze in one date night. We only get maybe 3 or 4 date nights out without Evelyn a year, so when we can take one we go full speed ahead. Usually our date night is just a nice dinner and a movie we've been wanting to see forever.

While P was browsing the internet he found out Luke Bryan was going to be in concert that very night and mentioned it. I had already known he was coming to Fayetteville but I thought the tickets were to high and didn't want to buy them at that price when we are on a budget. But P said to me that we never go out, and we do the same thing all the time...be spontaneous? Ok. We bought some pre-bought tickets for $40 a piece and had AMAZING seats! I thought we'd be in the nose bleed section, but no we were in a great area, you could see the artists so well! I saw Luke shake it, I was in heaven.

My husband knows about my fixation with Luke Bryan...its ok!

Also at the concert was Florida Georgia Line...if you've heard the song that goes "Baby your a song you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruuuise!"...yeah that's them. That's all we knew about them too. But every. single. song. they played was awesome! I bought their album the next day...now we are going to "Get our shine on" sometime...hey I gotta try moonshine while I'm in the south right?

Who else was at the concert? Thompson Square. Another amazing group...and another CD I bought after I got home. Also these two are too cute when they sing together.

All in all it was a very great date night for P and I. We really enjoyed each other, and danced in the stadium and it made us feel very refreshed, and I think I fell a little harder for my man. He was so sweet and just amazing. I really did score the jackpot with my hubby!

March? July? Next year?

I've talked a few times about P re-enlisting this upcoming year. His window is open and he has been just waiting for the 1st SGT...or someone, to transfer out the unit so he can re-enlist and get orders to somewhere else. This person is leaving the unit this month so P said he was going to try this month, even though he is obligated to this unit until July 20th of this year. Then last night, P says what if I wait until next year?....WHAT?!

Seriously you guys. I dont know how many times I can say "P hates it here and can't wait to leave" and then for him to say "What if we wait until next year"...just seriously babe. No.

I feel like I should almost take control of this situation. I wasn't planning on him doing anything until July, just incase someone decided to cancel his orders or whatever...I don't know the whole deal. But then he tells me March...ok then March, whatever...Next year? umm no.

I dont feel like listening to him whine for another year about how bad it sucks here.

Ugh men. He needs to just make up his mind.

But good news for us though, is P got permission to wear his old unit's crest on his Dress Blues, from Fort Riley, which means wecan have the chance to go back to Fort Riley, which we wouldn't really mind. Or go to Hawaii! Bonus on both parts but I think we like the chances that we could possibly go to Hawaii one day :) All part of the adventure!

I forgot.

P is back on the GCF, which means if something happens he is gone. He's been on it before and its never bothered me. This time however, they sent P a packing list and we had to pack him all up just incase. While our living room was destroyed with Army gear and I'm highlighting the things he's packing I suddenly realize...I forgot how this all felt.

I told myself after 2 back to back deployments I would never forget, I would never dull the feeling to the extent of forgetting that at any moment we could be on a time line for him to deploy.

I have become comfortable.

I sat there and remembered how many times I ragged on him for sleeping in when it was my night, Fighting because he made a mess, telling him to sleep on the couch when he was drunk and I didnt want to deal with him. Now I know that we are also a married couple and married couples fight, and thats completly normal, but I'm sure I am not the only other Army Wife that has felt like they slipped into the comfortable feeling like we are normal and its not possible for him to leave again.

Having P be on the GCF this time has really opened my eyes. I am fine with being comfortable but not to the point to being a normal comfortable.

So with P's birthday coming up, and I planning on pulling out all the stops (especially since his B-Day is Super Bowl Sunday), and having a celebration! He doesnt want anyone to come over, which is fine, its not like we have friends here anyways, but I'm planning on making him some of is favorite foods and just making it a party! Valentines Day is coming up too and because we wont have a sitter I'm planning a stay-at-home game date night. Seriously the Wii is the best invention for parents with no sitters for Date Night.

I hope I can create some good memories on these special days, and random days inbetween so if something ever does come up and he has to deploy I won't be looking back and wishing I hadn't fought with him about not putting his dishes away or leaving clothes on the floor.

Live like he's deploying tomorrow.

2013 the year of the Unknown

Usually I go into a New Year with lots of expectations. Especially since I got married I could predict how the year would go and usually thats how it went. 1st year we got married we got married the day before NYE so no surprise I would be moving and get a job in a different state. 2nd year, P was deployed, I moved home and I was pregnant, so I knew I'd be having a baby and moving back to Kansas when he got home. 3rd year we knew we were moving to NC and I had huge plans to go to DisneyWorld and DC, Fort Bragg was going to be amazing (yeah right). This is the 4th year and all I see is a giant black hole.

We have no idea whats going to happen this year, and its always given me bad anxiety. I'd love to say that 2013 will bring us to a new move, hopefully to Fort Carson, that it will bring me weightloss so I can get pregnant towards the end of the year, and it will bring us more money to the bank account. But lets face it...P doesn't know what he wants to do, which means I have no way to plan for what he wants to do. I am trying to lose weight for my health and have failed consistantly. We can only save money when we really really try to cut back, which we've done better at, but could still do better.

I'm currently standing in front of a big black hole. What will this year bring us? Hopefully at least my weightloss and us being better with spending and saving. But thats about all I see...and I barelly see it.

I guess thats another thing that comes with being an adult...you cant always plan everything.

3 years!

3 years ago today, I had only been engaged 5 days when I walked into a courthouse in my hometown and said "I Do" to my best friend in front of my family. Even though he had only proposed to me 5 days before we were definitly ready to be near eachother.

We Did It!!

the day after we got married.

 

I could not honestly be happier to have him be here for another Anniversary!

It makes up so much for him being gone on the 1st one, even if I had horrible morning sickness then.

 

P, your my love. Your my life. Thank you for giving me the chance to be a mother, and for standing by me. Your my rock. Without you, I would not be the same person.

Love always, Your Lizbeth.

 

The L Family Christmas

Well lets start with Christmas Eve. We decided to start a new tradtion this year with our family. On my side of the family, we aways opened PJ's on Christmas Eve, and on P's side he just got to open one present under the tree. Well because the wife ALWAYS knows better last year, our first together Christmas, we did the PJ's, which was fun. This year we decided to start movie nights for Christmas. We love to have movies nights so this just was made up a little different. Every year we will get PJ's, mugs, hot chocolate and a movie and just have a big picnic/sleepoverish thing in the living room and this year went quite well! We brought out Evelyn's couch and gave her a blanket and she pretty much sat in her couch. This year she got the movie Elf. P has never seen it, so it was fun to watch with him.

By the way, if you can see she has a Rudolph and Clarise :)

 

On Christmas morning, of course I was up early. I am such a kid, I was so excited to see Evelyn's face and see how she woud react to the presents under the tree. But I laid in bed and waited for Evelyn to wake up, but as soon as she was awake I shook P awake and started Christmas morning!

 

 Our tree looks so pretty this year, even with ordements only at the top.

 

Awake on Christmas morning!!

 

I have a few videos of Evelyn coming to check out her presents. Honestly I dont think she knew what to do because she wasnt heading for them, but wasnt totally freaked out.

As soon as she got into it...she really got into it!

 

Evelyn had a fantastic Christmas. She got puzzles, books, blanket, Cabbage Patch baby, Little People Princess Castle, Minnie Mouse ride-on toy, building blocks and of course an outfit!

 

P had a pretty good Christmas, the big gift I got him was all the Avenger movies! He never has any "man movies" and so I had been working on it for a few months buying him all the movies! He also got Assassins Creed 3!

 

I got what I needed more then anything...a stand mixer! But it wasnt just any stand mixer...it was THE stand mixer! Santa is pretty fantastic! All in All I would say we had a really great Christmas. Who knows what will be next year, so I'm glad this was such an amazing Christmas.

 

How was your Christmas? Any plans for New Years? 

**DISCLAIMER: I am sorry if me posting our presents offends anyone...its not ment to offend anyone, seeing as this is MY blog that my family at home reads, so I post for them just as much as my other audience. Don't take offence.**





Spur of the Moment.

Since P is now offically on Christmas Eve he has been begging me to go somewhere for his leave. We have been trying to be very careful with our money which hasn't been easy with Christmas, New Years and ou Anniversary in the same month. But something must have been in the air because P's Grandpa, who never talks to us, sent us money for Christmas. Say what? So we had money to go somewhere. We knew we were cutting it close, and probably going to have to dip a little but with all the crap going on this last year with P leaving for trainings for 3 months and having late work days all the time we decided a little mini vacation would be perfect.

P has been trying to talk me into going to DC for the last few months and I have always been a little off about it. I think I am off about it because Evelyn is so little, I want to do and see everything I can, and I just don't see her being good in a Museum right now.

I suggested going to Charleston, SC. If you dont know what Charleston is you shoul google it. Its one of the top 25 citys in the states to visit. Its beautiful and full of history! And since I am a sorta history buff that stuff is right up my alley!

So one day we booked everything and the next day we left! We stayed at the Charleston AFB because of how cheap it was...and if your an Army Wives fan...you know they film on the base! We ended up not visiting the locations but the Airplane Hanger was right across the street from our hotel!

Another place we had to visit was Boone Hall Plantation. You've seen The Notebok right? They filmed bit of it there! Its a beautiful place! I was glad to see it and so much history!! Although everytime they talk about slaves I get pretty sad.

Heres just some Photos from our little vacation!

The drive up to the Plantation.

It takes 100 years for these trees to get that tall and an extra 50 to get that arching

The Boone Hall Plantation

Evelyn was having a blast running around!

P and Evelyn checking out a tree.

Cool huh?

The Slave houses.

Sorry its blurry my phone camera sucks.

The Hanger from Army Wives...I was excited!



A little update.

Since my blogging has been so up in the air I decided to give you all an update on how things in the L. household are latley.

Lets start with P. Since I last updated about him, he has going through Airborne school, or had just finished. Either way P had his first jump at Fort Bragg a few weeks ago! Since I didnt go to his Airborne Graduation I couldnt wait to watch him jump here. When I got the chance I went and boy am I glad I did. Its the coolest thing ever to see them jump! I could have watched all day!

Its kinda hard to see but he is jumper #11

 

Other then that he has been getting off early all day this week. Super shocking!! I never though I'd see the day. He takes Christmas leave on Monday and we cant wait to have him home for a long period of time, and it will definitly be nice to show him that I do not sit around all day again.

 

 

Now for Evie. She's doing fanstastic! We are working really hard on her speach and pointing out body parts...so far she loves to show her Belly...or in her words "ebby!". Shes still learning Toes but when I ask her to say Toes she says "ooes". So we're getting it! She is also learning her name...but since I think saying Evelyn is a little complex for her right now we have been saying "E" or "Eeee!! Me Eee!!" in her words.

She also loves to color! She's always on her doodle pad, or pointing to her crayons. We have works of art all over our fridge and her walls.

 

 

Oh and me...I am doing pretty good. I finally got my hair dyed back to its natural color, and I'm loving it. I do miss the blonde highlights but maybe some other time I'll put them back in. I have been working on getting myself onto a schedule so I can start a workout routine. I usually go off of Evelyns schedule, and while that works most days, most days I'll forget I have to clean and keep up on housework, then it will be 3 weeks later and I have so much to do in one day. So for now on I'll be taking an hour or two out of the day where Evelyn is behind the gate in her room with her music and I'll be cleaning or even just taking time to myself to read/write/blog whatever I want.

Its very typical of me to get caught up in the roles I play and lose myself. I dont want to look back in 40 years and say I was an amazing Mom and an amazing Wife, but I was not an amazing me. It will take time to balence it, but I'm going to do it. If Evelyn ever wants to be a stay at home mom I want to give her advice on stuff I actually did and stuggled with being a SAHM.

One thing I have been fond of latley is my crafting and heres just a few things I have done over the last few weeks...

 

I'm pretty proud of myself when I see these things!

 

 







When you feel done..

I've wrote before about P's and mines feelings about re-enlisting. His window opens in May, and for the most part we have been ready to re-enlist, move away from Ft. Bragg (he hates it here), and start a new adventure. But yesterday our minds started to change.

Obviously we have a while before we have the option to make anything offical, but it still crosses my mind on a daily basis.

Yesterday I had an appointment with a dental surgeon to get my wisdom teeth looked at..and no surprise with lack of sleep and lots of other things on my mind, I totally forgot and missed my appointment. They called me and rescheduled for another day and I picked a day that P said he usually is good with coming home for a bit. As soon as I told him he reminded me this week will be busy and he has a jump this week, so it wont. I'll admit that I still get super annoyed and act a little teenagerish when I get upset. So I went into Evelyns room (where she was), and procedded to tweet some frustrations and I'll admit I cried a bit.

P had no idea I was crying or upset, but thats because I dont like him to see me cry. So he came in to talk to me, saw me upset and we procedded to talk. I admitted how frustrating it can be to not have family around and friends that stay home to baby-sit. I know I can register Evelyn for hourly care, but everytime I bring it up with P he says "ya lets do it", and thats all that happens.

After a while I finally just said..."Lets get out"...and he said "Ya? Seriously?" and I said "Serious as a heartattack."

I am not sure how we really are going to make the decision to get out. Getting out scares me, but my parents have offered us the basement in their house until we can buy a house and get jobs, which is fantastic. So I'm not worried, my old job in Utah has been offered back to me anytime we come back to Utah, and with P being a Veteran, it shouldnt be too bad to find a job for him. Especially since he is concidering becoming a Cop.

We have our options, but P is 100% sure on one thing, we are moving away from Ft. Bragg ASAP.

Who knows what the decision will be, but latley I feel done. I love this life and living in so many cool places, but honestly, living near family always seems more appealing.

While P is away...

Us girls are at play!!

P is in the field for the next few days. But no complaining from me here. I am perfectly happy with having plenty of girl time. So far its not bad.

I had to put Evelyn in her first ever time out. And by time out I mean, her in her room and the gate up while I calmed down from my freaked out self. (she unplugged something and almost got the cord in her mouth) Call me an over reactor if you want, but I am terrified of everything. No joke. Having a child made me think everything is a devil object out to hurt my baby.

But Evelyn and I got the chance to have a girls night. We went and got her some Chocolate Milk, and rented movies at Redbox. We got One for the Money, The Hunger Games (because I still dont own it and I'm craving it), What to Expect When Your Expecting, Magic Mike and Katy Perry movie. No worries...Evelyn will not be watching Magic Mike with me....I'll be watching that with a bottle of Moscato.

The bad thing about P being gone, is our bed is so big, it makes me uncomfortable to sleep in alone...so usually I end up on the couch waking up every hour seeing how much time I have to sleep. You know you've done it!

What do you like to do when the husband is away for a short period of time?

Happy Halloween!!

From our little Fairy!

 

Love,

Liz, P and Evelyn.

 

 

 

Sorry the pictures suck...you know she's one...not a model.

Pumpkins!

A few weeks ago I wrote about our fun trip to The Pumpkin Patch!

Well on Sunday we decided to carve our pumpkins! Ended up being a good day to do it since we couldnt do our normal weekends with Evelyn, due to Hurricanne Sandy....it was just windy and cold and a tad bit rainy.

Evelyn wasnt interested at all in the carvings. At first she was kinda into it...and then she decided Tangled was better so she watched her movie while we carved.

I found out I can really ruin those carving knifes from walmart. Seriously I ruined 3 of them!

P did Evelyn's pumpkin. We thought Tinkerbell suited her since this year she is a......you guessed it Fairy!! I was lucky he wanted to do it, cause it had lots of tiny pieces, so I did his pumpkin for him!

Harry Potter logo..Liz's pumpkin.

Tinkerbell...Evelyn's pumpkin

Vampire Jack-O-Latern P's Pumpkin



Do you like them? I dont think I have ever been more proud of pumpkins!

How I Met My Husband...

I was totally inspired by Christine @ Hooah and Highchairs story of how she met her husband (and if you click that link it will send you to her story), and decided to write about how I met my husband.

When I was 19, I had just finished my little "immature party stage", I needed a break to get away from all the drama of pulling away from friends and getting my life back on track. My friend Kylie lived at Fort Riley with her husband and daughter. Her husband's name was Thomas and Thomas was about to deploy for his first time to Iraq, so I thought I would head out there and visit them, for about 10 days to see them and say goodbye.

When I got there almost immediatly they wanted to show me around Fort Riley and for some reason they wanted to go to the PX...if you have been to a PX you know there is a food court before you walk into the actual PX area, so as we were walking in, suddently I saw this man in a dirty white shirt and jeans, walking out of the PX, my heart probably had a surge cause I remember the feeling of shock running through my body, he smiled, I smiled and I turned away knowing I would never ever have the guts to talk to him...suddenly he turns and says "Hey Thomas how you doing??"...WHAT?!? I seriously turned bright red, he introduced himself and all I could think was thank god I look hot today. They talked about hanging out soon and I was so excited!! I immediatly told Kylie he was HAWT!.

During this time Thomas and Kylie did not want me to meet P, they wanted me to date this boy who turned out to be P's roommate. He wasnt my type he has just ya...no.

So one day P came over for a little party to Kylies and Thomas's where I tried to get P's attention so badly, but not in a trashy way. He didnt seem intrested so  acted like I didnt care. But later one when he got he alone he kissed me for the first time. :)

Over the next few days he and I had our first date and even spent a few hours on Guard Duty together. After I flew home to Utah he flew to California for his 2 week leave before deployment and we spent the whole time talking, and then finally made our relationship really offical. But making it offical ment me making the commitment to wait for him for 12 months.

 

Deployment #1 Day he left.

 



After 12 months I was there waiting for him! After that he met my family, we went to Hawaii for a week, I went to California and met his family where we got ENGAGED!!

A few days after we got engaged we flew to Utah where he insisted on us getting married in the courthouse and we did!

I'm beyond blessed to of had such a whirlwind of a relationship and a marriage! I have loved every single minute of it! He is a wonderful husband and a wonderful fantastic father! I couldnt be happier with anyone else.

TODAY!!

This Lovley Man comes home!

This 4 month seperation kicked my freaking ass!!

I am hoping he is home for a while!

Please!

Making That BIG Decision.

P and I have been discussing alot of things latley. We have realized latley how young we really are. I think before Evelyn came along we felt alot older, and more mature. Evelyn has brought so many joys into our lives and has widened our perspective of the world and what we want for our furture as well as hers.

It goes from do we want more children, to do we want P to stay in the Army. These are all big decisions in our life.

The biggest one for right now is if we want to have P stay in the Army. P has been enlisted for 6 years. He is already an E6 and has complished alot in that time frame. In May is when his re-enlistment date is, and he'll have a few months to decide if we are staying in or getting out. We have decided that in May we need to make the decison, it would be better for us to know right away what we are doing and to start saving for it.

As much as I say "should we stay in the Army" I know its his choice, but its also mine. Those wives who say I am not enlisted and shouldnt say that. Your right, but this isnt just P's choice, ultimitly it is his decision on what he wants to do with his career. But I am also involved in his life and he would never dream of not asking me first and concidering what is best for Evelyn and I.

I go back and forth on him staying in. In our short 4 year relationship he has been gone more then he has been home. I hoenstly believe that all the crap I went through with emotional and sexual abuse as well as lossing my sister made me grow up to be a very strong person. I know I could do more deployments, I know I could kick deployment ass. But being a new mom, I have no fucking idea if I could put Evelyn through this. Evelyn cannot vocalize that she misses her Dad right now...but the fact that she never says Mama anymore..or very rarelly, and when she gets to talk to P on the phone she lights up...I know she misses her Dad.

Its probably the hardest decision we have ever made. P really wants to re-take his ASVAB, from how he explained it he got a 109 and you need a 110 to not need wavers for Warrent Officer. He also wants to be a Drill Sergeant or a Recruiter. He wants to do a million things. In his job as a 13D, he has told me its hard to get your E7, so if he were to stay in he would want to go to Warrent Officer school in a few years.  In my head his mind is made up about re-enlisting, but when I ask him, he says he cant answer me.

I love being an Army Wife. I love that we get to move to all sorts of different places and meet alot of new people. I love being in this community and meeting up with all my bloggy lovies and I love having a different life from the norm. But I also miss the idea of owning my own home, and having a baby sitter more often then every blue moon.

If P was to re-enlist we would do the full 20 years..or more to get retirment. The next re-enlistment he would already have 10 years in and then it would just be stupid to get out.

But I am absolutly terrified to do another deployment. P's batallion at Bragg is on the Global Command Force, basically meaning if something were to happen he's gone. With everything happening at embassys across the Middle East its giving me the worst anxiety. While P hasnt been home from his 12 months yet, technically if something happened, today he would be put on Rear D, and I wouldnt care! I'd love that! But I am not always so sure he would like staying behind when he has been working so hard with his men.

I've survived 2 deployments back to back, I just know right now I am not ready to do a 3rd one. At least not yet.

Having P re-enlist is a very hard decision. While it seems others take it so easy I am not sure I am. I go back and forth and make lists about the benifits (for Evelyn and I), but I really just miss that scence of security with him being home and never ever deploying again.

Its a hard choice. I am not sure how we are gonna make it, but I know we have a while. So hopefully when the time is right we will just know.

Everything happens for a reason right?

Family Photos.

While Hubs was in Utah for his 2 week leave we got family photos done! Now maybe its just my husband, but he hates doing pictures. Usually leading up the the process he is complaining about the money, and how he bought me an expensive camera for this exact reason. Blah Blah Blah...he did buy me a nice camera...that I didnt ask for. I love my camera though! He didnt buy me the nessesary equiptment for me to take out own family photos though. At least not the ones with us not holding the camera ourselves. So I enlisted the help of the girl who took our engagment photos/already married photos, deployment photos and 1st family photos. She isnt professional..she does it for fun, and she does a great job!

these are the past photos she's done...

Not bad right? Ya I love her! I've known her almost my whole like so I am happy to let her do photos for us!

Here's the most recent ones that wer have done. We did them at The Great Salt Lake. I love them!

I think these photos are deffinitly worth it!

Whats Going On?

Besides thew post I had yesterday about my Grandpa there is quite a few different things going around in my life right now.

First..Diet...Oh how I am hating to diet! I hate working out! (I stopped my yoga after I had some major pains down in my...ya know area, still need to call my doctor and make sure they arnt cysts). I also always feel like my excuses are legit! Like the one I feel is pretty legit...

"my neighborhood office in Bragg has a room for kids, but its competley seperate from the work out area and the window is too tall for me to see Evelyn from the workout area"

Legit right? Ya..until you think about the Hubs comes home from work and can babysit. Oh ya...Liz good excuse huh! I guess you can call me a clingy wife but I actually love to spend a ton of time with my husband! I like to go out without him, dont get me wrong, but if I dont have to I dont like to.
Now I am in Utah and I can go work out..there is an Army Depot here for free and I have parents who would love to babysit...but do I go? nope. Why?...because;

"Evelyn is my responciblity"

Its the truth and legit. Its mostly me putting it off. I know lots of people who work out say its 5% of your day to work out for an hour...well that one hour I could be working out could be spent with my kid or cleaning or flat out being lazy and watching tv. Yepp thats how I look at it.

BUT I know I am fat. I know I got weight to loose. I know I need to do it. If the Hubs and I decide to have another baby, I need to have this weight off of me, for health reasons. I am by no means morbidy obese..even if my BMI thing says I am Obese..I am not! I have big boobs! HUGE difference! WW is still working for me...even though I'll admit I just had a Drumstick. I am still doing it and trying my best! My Mom and I are doing a diet and I sorta want to make it a challenge...because I personally do not like weighing the same as my mom.

Second..I'm already getting cracking on Halloween! I picked out Evelyn costume and I am making it! I hope I am at least! and its gonna be amazing! :) Also my Mom wants to do crafts with my and my SIL and that will be way fun! Its alot nicer to actually get along with my SIL now.

Third..Evelyn...oh my gosh. Up twice a night...out of habit and the Hubs is mad when I try to let her CIO...the girl still wants a bottle at night...and the Hubs is no help when it comes to trying to sleep train her again. So I am stuck in this thing between wanting him to leave so I can sleep through the night again, and me just giving up and giving her a bottle at night...I know I am failing.

Everyone keeps telling me not to worry so bad..she has been 1 for 12 days now. But I had my goals set out and I feel like I fail them. I fail with my diet, I fail with my kid, I fail myself...and I hate feeling like a failure.

I am ready to start sleep training her again...and the way I am going to start is buy actually litterally throwing her bottles in the trash can. The day the Hubs leaves I am throwing them away...and not buying new ones. I am gonna be a mean momma. Well to her.

At first I thought she was waking up this much because she was so hungry...but no we pack this girl really full and give her a bath and she still wakes up. Its habit. Its annoying...this Momma is dying of sleep deprivation.

Fourth..I say I am ready for the Hubs to go back to NC...and its sorta true. I want to sleep train Evelyn, get back on a budget, not eat out all the time. Oh, and go back to not feeling like I want to punch him in the head so much anymore.

Because if I hear this;
"I'm on leave I shouldn't have to do (insert chore here) right now"

One more time I am gonna loose my mind. I dont get a vacation from Evelyn! I maybe here and not have a whole house to clean but I still clean and I still have to make sure Evelyn is fed, changed and bathed on a daily basis! That saying may have worked when he was on R&R from Iraq, but he is about to go sit in a class all day and then have weekends off where he goes and hangs out with buddies from Fort Riley soon! and thats his vacation! I dont get one! Yepp..thats my rant.

Like how Optimistic I can be ;)