Anxious

I can't help it. I am so beyond anxious. Not only am I going insane trying not to do any house chores, but the days are going by so slow........hurry it up. I have my hubby's last leave before deployment coming up at the end of this week, which we will go to my parents home, since my hubby's mom was just out here a few weeks ago.
But I am not the person who usually sits back and lets it all just come up, I like to do everything NOW. I decided I shouldnt clean my house (except for basic pick up) until Thursday, since Friday I'll be pack up and doing laundry.
Is it at all weird that I am this anxious? I shouldn't be wanting time to go by at all. I guess that weird part of me, wants him to go so we can end it quicker. Get rid of the anticipation. Its way worse then the deployment! I read this quote one day off a fan page on facebook;

The build up is worse than the deployment. Don't waste a second of pre-deployment time worrying or obsessing. You're going through two completely different things and neither of you will ever understand so stop trying. The one thing you do have in common is that you're about to miss the shit out of each other. Obsess over that.

 Though Hubby and I arnt fighting at all, and things have gotten a lot less tense. The build up of the waiting is still there. I know when we are on leave (which to let you know is only a week, and I personally think that's bull****) I wont want to come back, because coming back means him going. Its hard. As you all know who have done a deployment know its hard to wait for that phone call to come around, saying the exact date. 

I have a million plans and ideas to get us through those last final weeks, and take as much of the stress/worry/whatever else, off our shoulders. Big dinners, buying Christmas decorations together, Faux Thanksgiving, Pumpkin Carving party, and he will be eating  everything he wants! I am making sure to fill that boy up! He never complained about the food over there, but I know how much he loves my food! Plus cooking for one is going to be super lame!

I know I am not an expert, but if any of you are going through what I am going through, my advice is to try to push that deployment out of your head as much as you can. I really only talk to Hubby about the deployment for only a few minutes or when its needed. It takes so much stress off of him, since at work all he gets is the learning and training, and I shouldn't be the one giving him extra stress about it.  They need a break from hearing about it too. Do your best to help him and believe me it will help you to not have to constantly feel like its right around the corner. The last thing you want is for him to leave and realize you wasted that time, crying and whining. I am just anxious to have him come home to me. I cannot wait for this to be over, but if your hubby is a lifer like mine, you know there will always be another one. Don't look back on this time and know you wasted it. These last precious moments are key to make it through.

oh wait...

I don't know how to really describe this blog. I am so excited about being able to get to decorate my first home for Christmas........until, I think. Oh ya....Hubby wont be here. 1st married Christmas! I know I know its happened before, but just way sucks.
We are thinking we are going to be able to afford to get our tree and decorations before he goes, and put them up together, even though we know right after he leaves I might move and not have anything up for Christmas, but thats not a big deal since I will be going home to see some family. Whats important is we try to share all these memories together, even if it have a faux thanksgiving and christmas, we will take it!
As you can see even though I know it sucks, and I know how BAD it sucks. I am trying to see a bigger picture, and what more we can do together. I think what I am doing is important. Even though looking at tree skirts made me cry, I know that its going to be all worth it, and if not...at least we tried right?
Now if I could only think of what to do for our anniversary....?? Any suggestions?

Not the same.

Ok, so I lied. I am blogging. Theres been a few "pressing" issues on my mind. With this upcoming deployment, and all the preparing, I find myself going back into the mind set I was in last time. The hard headed, leave me alone, your an idiot mind set.
I am not a mean person, in fact my friends constantly tell me I am too damn nice! But I have been noticing, on my friends blogs about how their boyfriends or husbands are gone for ummm a day? or even on their Facebook that their husbands gone to work and they are sad and lonley...
I really do get distance, and I understand it. I know somedays when Hubbers is at work, I get lonely and want him here with me, but when you whine to me about it.....I mean SERIOUSLY, I say goodbye for a YEAR and sometimes even longer. I dont care about your petty little hour anymore.
We are not normal wives at all! We say goodbye and send our husbands to combat for however long it maybe! I like to sometimes think I am a normal wife, when my Hubbers can come home at decent hours. Somedays it feels normal, but we all know for us its normal. Plus the Hubbers gets to come home in a sexy uniform!
Heres a little thing from my book Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul-

There's a Difference

"Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events: Birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduations and especially the birth of a child. Military spouses can only count on each other, because they realize that the flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. It has to be that way."

 

Col. Steven A. Arrington

If you ever can pick that book up, I would recommend it. Thats only a little bit of the story, but he clearly states the difference's between us and civilians. Though this is my second deployment with countless more to come. I think its important to remember how different we are from other wives. We are not the same at all, and anyone who who thinks we are, well I dont know how I could even comment on that.
I feel really blessed to live this life, like I have said I almost joined the military, I am so happy thats not how I met my husband though, because it would definitely be hard! Anyone who can do that is amazing! But we live amongst the bravest heros! I met my husbands 1ST SGT and he was on of the first in Bosnia and one of the last out, I met those who enlisted on 9/11 and those who were one of the first in Afghanistan. If you havent taken the time to talk to those people, you really should! They have amazing stories!  
Though I feel pitty for my friends when their husbands do have to go away. I find myself wondering if they at all consider what I go through. Have any of you had friends over look what you go through because your husband is (hopefully) not constantly on their minds? Mine have always seemed to forget that, yes I do have someone constantly on my mind, someone I have limited time to talk to, someone that makes me more addicted to my crackberry then normal. Our husbands maybe half way across the world, but they are still always with us.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

Over at Wife Of A Salior's blog you can find the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In! Also let me know if you decide to do it too, you can email me @ optimisticarmywife@gmail.com too if you want. Look forward to reading some stories. This will be my last blog for the weekend, since I blogged everyday this week! I cannot help it I love to blog! I am hoping I get more readers soon so I can do some more fun stuff and read some cool stories.

1. What is the silliest get-up you have ever worn outside of a Halloween party? (from To The Nth)
My husband and I went to a "White Trash Bash" party at another soldiers house, and I went all out! I wore a black lace tank, hot pink leopard jacket, tight jean skirt, and these old clunky shoes (I never wear them and refuse to throw them away because I love them!). Had my hair in pig tails and Paul put his name on my chest. It was hilarious!

2. What is something that you gave up in order to live the military lifestyle? (from Pennies from Heaven)
I wouldn't say I gave it up, but I definitely sacrificed it. My family, My friends, my job that I loved. I miss some much by not seeing my friends kids grow up, and other family members get married and also getting to run away to them sometimes. I am super close with my family so it was a really hard struggle, but I would do it again and again.

3. If money wasn’t a factor and you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? And why? (from Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl)
 Italy or Australia. Italy I actually might have the chance to go to after this next deployment. One last big vacation before kiddos, but it also depends on where we might move to, and the reason to go there is THE FOOD, I love to cook Italian! I wish I was Italian sometimes...but Australia because I would love to see the great barrier reef! I love the accents and you don't hear many people say "I went down under".

4. If you were going to join the military, what branch would you join? Or which MOS/rating would you choose? (from And You Never Did Think)
ARMY, to be honest I also signed up but when I came to check out what Military Life was about (through an enlisted friend) I met my husband. I would have been Infantry or MP, I wanted to get my fears out of my way. I have never shot a gun and my husband is going to take me shooting one day to "shoot" that fear down.

5. What is your favorite thing to make for dinner? (from Armendinger Party of 4)
I love to make Chicken Parmigiana. Mine is baked and not fried, and I absolutely love it! Though Pork Chops in a creamy champagne sauce with rustic garlic potatos is really a great meal!!