Making That BIG Decision.

P and I have been discussing alot of things latley. We have realized latley how young we really are. I think before Evelyn came along we felt alot older, and more mature. Evelyn has brought so many joys into our lives and has widened our perspective of the world and what we want for our furture as well as hers.

It goes from do we want more children, to do we want P to stay in the Army. These are all big decisions in our life.

The biggest one for right now is if we want to have P stay in the Army. P has been enlisted for 6 years. He is already an E6 and has complished alot in that time frame. In May is when his re-enlistment date is, and he'll have a few months to decide if we are staying in or getting out. We have decided that in May we need to make the decison, it would be better for us to know right away what we are doing and to start saving for it.

As much as I say "should we stay in the Army" I know its his choice, but its also mine. Those wives who say I am not enlisted and shouldnt say that. Your right, but this isnt just P's choice, ultimitly it is his decision on what he wants to do with his career. But I am also involved in his life and he would never dream of not asking me first and concidering what is best for Evelyn and I.

I go back and forth on him staying in. In our short 4 year relationship he has been gone more then he has been home. I hoenstly believe that all the crap I went through with emotional and sexual abuse as well as lossing my sister made me grow up to be a very strong person. I know I could do more deployments, I know I could kick deployment ass. But being a new mom, I have no fucking idea if I could put Evelyn through this. Evelyn cannot vocalize that she misses her Dad right now...but the fact that she never says Mama anymore..or very rarelly, and when she gets to talk to P on the phone she lights up...I know she misses her Dad.

Its probably the hardest decision we have ever made. P really wants to re-take his ASVAB, from how he explained it he got a 109 and you need a 110 to not need wavers for Warrent Officer. He also wants to be a Drill Sergeant or a Recruiter. He wants to do a million things. In his job as a 13D, he has told me its hard to get your E7, so if he were to stay in he would want to go to Warrent Officer school in a few years.  In my head his mind is made up about re-enlisting, but when I ask him, he says he cant answer me.

I love being an Army Wife. I love that we get to move to all sorts of different places and meet alot of new people. I love being in this community and meeting up with all my bloggy lovies and I love having a different life from the norm. But I also miss the idea of owning my own home, and having a baby sitter more often then every blue moon.

If P was to re-enlist we would do the full 20 years..or more to get retirment. The next re-enlistment he would already have 10 years in and then it would just be stupid to get out.

But I am absolutly terrified to do another deployment. P's batallion at Bragg is on the Global Command Force, basically meaning if something were to happen he's gone. With everything happening at embassys across the Middle East its giving me the worst anxiety. While P hasnt been home from his 12 months yet, technically if something happened, today he would be put on Rear D, and I wouldnt care! I'd love that! But I am not always so sure he would like staying behind when he has been working so hard with his men.

I've survived 2 deployments back to back, I just know right now I am not ready to do a 3rd one. At least not yet.

Having P re-enlist is a very hard decision. While it seems others take it so easy I am not sure I am. I go back and forth and make lists about the benifits (for Evelyn and I), but I really just miss that scence of security with him being home and never ever deploying again.

Its a hard choice. I am not sure how we are gonna make it, but I know we have a while. So hopefully when the time is right we will just know.

Everything happens for a reason right?