Wednesday, February 19, 2014

life with two!

Wow you guys! I've been a Mom of 2 for almost 6 weeks... and its been crazy!! For anyone that thinks their new newborn will be just like their first... let me laugh in your face for a moment... HAHAHA!! Don't fool yourself! I did that. But before I explain that reasoning I have to say life has been nuts. I mean NUTS!!

Evelyn was a perfect newborn... never cared to be held all the time, loved being on her own, in her on bed. Perfect on schedule... I mean perfect! I could get all my chores done, and she'd be content in her swing. Valerie... shes a pretty good newborn, but she's very demanding. Pick her up, not later... NOW! Hungry? Wait a moment?...NEVER! I swear most of the time its pretty good... but with a toddler who want's Mommys attention too, its a little difficult!

I've had alot of people tell me they admire how together I seem... and I can only think in the back of my head "oh no no no no please no! don't let me fool you into thinking this is easy!". I love that so many people think I am doing so great, it boosts my self esteem so much! But I'd hate to fool anyone into thinking I have a handle on things... I really don't.

I'm learning, and I'm not fond on learning how to handle this. When P is home, I can do it like a pro! But when he is not... its hard. I won't lie. Evelyn loves her sister, but Evelyn also knows that when Mom is busy nursing Valerie that she can probably get away with murder. Throw her toys everywhere... on it! Pick them up... its a fight to the death!! Evelyn was a pro at picking up her toys when I was pregnant... after words, it takes forever and sometimes a day to pick up just one toy... finally we took all but 5 little toys away from her, because we can't stand the two full boxes of toys being thrown all over and her refusing to pick them up.

We hear we are a little strict with her... but it usually works for her.

Evelyn also refuses to eat dinner or nap now. Its just fun!

Its a lot of work... but even when I feel like I am loosing this battle of trying to make everyone adjusted, on a schedule, little things like this happen...

And then its then... I remember. My house doesn't need to be spotless, I don't need to have the answers, and the days of fighting to make them both nap will be gone all too soon. These are the moments that matter, and although it may mean we have cereal for dinner and P might have to wear a dirty shirt to PT, as long as these two girls are happy and healthy... nothing else matters! If I raise them to be decent human beings, I have done my job! Sure, it's hard sometimes but they are worth every single second!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Dylan Farrow

I don't know if it's just me or the rest of the blogging world.. but I seem to keep up on entertainment news a lot lately. I think half of it is trying to stay awake during late night nursing sessions or the fact that I'm always curious about how the other half live. But in the recent weeks I have read a lot of articles on Woody Allen and his daughter Dylan who alleges he abused her at a young age. Some of those commenting on it are saying she told the truth, others are saying she's lying, other then that I just have an opinion on it....

Why do people feel they need to have an opinion on someone else's sexual abuse? This is coming out at a national stand point... so many people having opinions on it. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and I can tell you if it had come out to the world what had happened, I'd be mortified! I am not one to hide what happened... its part of me and it's effect who I am as a mother and human being. I couldn't imagine if I had people publicly coming out and calling me a liar.

Anyone who's ever reported their sexual abuse knows that there will always be someone out there who think's you're lying... because really does sexual abuse ever happen? That's people's mind sets... that it doesn't happen, you are lying, your trying to get back at someone, you're a slut anyways... really the list goes on, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard someone say some of those things to me.

I don't think anyone who's never really cared about sexual abuse probably doesn't realize how often it does happen. Most never get reported or fall through the system. Only one of my abusers ever got convicted. I read a statistic that said only 3 in 100 abusers ever spend time behind bars. I have to assume it's because most victims are scared to face their abusers. Can you blame them?

I don't want to comment too much on what happened to Dylan.. weather it's true or not, only she will ever know. It's no ones business to comment on what happened because it's clear they were not there. I doubt she'd ever even read this... but I am truly sorry for what has happened to her. I am sorry that she has to face the comments and criticism of others. But she's also helping others who have been or are being abused, to speak up and not listen to the critics that will call them liars. Those who've been abused in anyway should not feel the need to run and hide from what has happened. I applaud her for standing up for herself and not being scared of the criticism. You are a brave woman!

Monday, January 20, 2014

Valerie's Birth Story

How do I even begin to start this story... I guess I'd have to go all the way back to my due date which was January 2nd. My Mom had arrived in town a few days before, and I had my 40 week appointment. P and I went to this appointment alone, and we were very anxious to see if anything was happening in there. I was over due with Evelyn, so I sort of expected to be over due with Valerie too. We got to my appointment and because of the holidays I was forced to see a OB then seeing my regular Midwife. We got back into the room and the doctor did a quick ultrasound, the baby looked fine. The doctor scheduled me for an induction which was set for 12 days after my due date... I was super upset about it. Not only would P be in the field but it was also the day my Dad would be flying back home. We asked him if we could do anything at home to get the process started and he basically told us "nothing can be done, the baby will come when she's ready and there's nothing you can do about it"... and no joke, he was super rude. I left my appointment in tears. I set up an appointment for my NST and a 41 week appointment which I was hoping would end up being unnecessary.

I was really upset about the doctor telling me that I just couldn't do anything at all but wait... So I decided that even if he think's I can't do anything, that I needed to at least TRY! My Mom and I asked for lots of advice and then spent a day picking up things like primrose oil, raspberry tea, eggplant parmesan, birthing balls, clary sage and massage oils! I walked and shopped like a mad woman! I was bound and determined to help my body get ready for this. But... nothing worked.

Finally my Dad came to town, and him and my Mom got a hotel with a pool so that Evelyn could have some fun. We went swimming with them one night and I spent the majority of the time in the pool swimming laps. When we were done with the pool and I was in the bathroom I suddenly felt my bladder let go of itself... I started pretty much peeing everywhere. This had happened to me twice already, I pee'd myself a few times ok. I was so not sure if I just had water in me, if I pee'd or if my water broke. I grabbed some toilet paper and decided to see if I leaked anymore on the way home and up until bed time... I didn't see much water... so I just wasn't sure what happened. I just assumed I pee'd my pants again and went to sleep.

The next day was my 41 week appointment and it was at 9AM. I had a few contractions that night but nothing regular. I had a different OB this time, thank goodness! The doctor pulled out the ultrasound machine to see what was going on and it turned out I only had 2cm of amniotic fluid in me (found out my water had indeed broke). He sent me straight upstairs to be checked into L&D. He told me not to get my hopes up though, that the hospital would likely check me again and if the baby pee'd, my water might go back up. So P and I headed straight upstairs. As I was getting checked in they told me that I was indeed being induced that day! P left to go home and get our bags, while I waited in the waiting room for our room to be ready. All I could think about was how much I already missed Evelyn, I had been spending a lot of time with her, but suddenly I felt like I didn't get enough in. But this was it, and boy were we ready to have our new addition here!
My Last Pregnant picture!
41weeks 1day
P and I settled into our room and we got all set up and ready to go. I was hooked to fluids, Pitocin and penicillin. I was hoping I could handle birth and not need an epidural but I made sure to sign the papers just in case I felt like I needed it. I was check in at 3cm, 50% effaced and a -2. By 4pm I was checked and had only progressed to a 4! I was certain I was in for a long labor.
I handled my contractions the best I could. P was seriously amazing! He supported me though it all, gave me his hand when I needed it, and rubbed my back. He also was so sweet and would help me to the bathroom every time I needed to go, and with that much fluids hooked to me, I went a lot!
At about 7-7:30 I could not handle my contractions any longer. I was having horrible back labor, and if you've never had back labor it feels like your back is splitting in two! I tried so hard to put up with it, and when the tears started rolling and I was feeling exhausted and hungry because I hadn't ate since breakfast, I knew I was done experiencing the miracle of natural birth. I knew though that I gave it my all! Getting my epidural SUCKED! They got me once... and it didn't work. So they stuck me again... meanwhile my nurse has her hand up my gown to keep the monitor on the baby and I am sweating so bad from the contractions and the fact that I was nervous. I looked my nurse straight in the face and told her how sorry I was. She didn't seem to mind but I'm sure it wasn't her biggest highlight of the night. After the epidural seemed to be working, I decided to take a nap. I had a rough night with Evelyn and I knew I needed the rest. It took some time but with some calming from P I finally was asleep by about 8:30.
I woke up at 9 with a horrible pressure in my butt! I'm talking like HUGE pressure! I was huffing and puffing! I grabbed that epidural button and clicked on it a few times and it wasn't going away. My Epidural failed me! I paged my nurse and after 3 more contractions, I paged her again and said "I NEED SOMEONE NOW!!", suddenly my nurse and my midwife, who hadn't checked on me in hours was in my room. I told them about the horrible pressure I was having and the biggest urge to push. They checked me and I was a -2! Baby girl was right there!! I screamed "OH MY GOD!!, someone fix my epidural!", they said there was nothing they could do about it now and that I should try pushing a few times... little did they know how amazing I am at birth.. in two pushes they told me to stop because she was coming now. Suddenly P is right next to me, and 8 people are surrounding me and telling me to PUSH!
I started pushing and I felt everything!, and I mean EVERYTHING! I was a woman screaming in labor, anything to help me and empower me, I was doing. P was next to me cheering me on, my nurses were telling me what was happening down below, and I was screaming "holy shit! I feel everything!!". It felt good to scream for a second and then push again! Not many pushes left and I saw her arm fly up in the air! I was told one more push and I gave it my all!! I pushed like I had never pushed before and suddenly she was in my arms!
Valerie Alisha
January 10, 2014
7lbs 9oz

I started to bawl and the only thing I could say was "you look just like your sister!". I was being cleaned up and I was doing skin to skin with Valerie. I got her latched on right away and I looked up at P and we were both in awe with her. She looked gorgeous! We had just added a beautiful little girl to our world and we were elated with pride and joy!
Because it was so late P and I had Valerie all to ourselves. We didn't get moved to the recovery room until 2am, but it was ok. We called all our family and sent photos to everyone. Cool fact: Valerie was born on my parents 38th Wedding Anniversary. We got very little sleep in, and we were pretty much forced to wake up at 6:30 to eat breakfast. So began the little sleep time in our life.
That morning my Mom and Dad brought Evelyn to meet Valerie. I was super excited to see her! I really couldn't wait to see what Evelyn thought of Val. Evelyn was super excited to be in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and everything! Her obsession with Doc McStuffin's really helps! You could tell Evelyn was confused at what I ment by Valerie was the baby we had been talking about for months. Suddenly mommys tummy was gone and there was a baby there. But as soon as we let Evelyn hold her, she kept saying "She's cute!". She counted her fingers and toes and gave her kisses. She was just how I wanted her to be with her new sister, and has pretty much stayed that way. She loves being a big sister!

We all feel so blessed to have welcomed baby Valerie into our family! Valeries middle name is after my little sister Alisha, some of you know Evelyn's middle name is after my other sister Suzanne. I have now had the pleasure of honoring two very important people in my life. I hope my girls will look at them both as the amazing women they were. Suzanne passed away 13 years ago and Alisha is mentally and physically handicapped. I'm proud to have honored them both in such a special way.

Our Family of Four!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Meet Our New Addition.

Hi everyone! I know I have been a terrible blogger but I wanted to introduce you to someone!

Valerie Alisha
7lbs 9oz
January 10, 2014
9:40 PM
I have to go feed her now... but I'll be writing her birth story up soon!

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