Sunday, May 29, 2011

in refrence to my other wasnot ment to offend people who's husbands are in shorter deployments.

I even said in my post...a deployment is a deployment. I realize we all go through the worry and the fear. I wasnt at all trying to say that its not the same. Yes my husbands deployment is longer then some of deployments. But I am having a really hard time. I dont write or say negitive things to these women and men who are in shorter deployments. Its hard to explain if you not in this situation...its hard seeing ALOT (not all) of these MILspouses be completly ungrateful that at least its only a 4 month deployment. They dont look at it as I do. I'm glad and happy for you that your husband deploys only 4 to 6 to 9 months...honestly I am glad you dont have to indure deployments for as long as other people. But when I read posts about how awful it is for you to say good-bye for 4 months? and then I'm looking at it as "well at least its not 12!" Like I said a deployment is a deployment. The worry and the fear is never gone. But when your talking to a wife whose husband was gone before yours left and will still be gone when yours returns...its hard to not have jealousy issues or even a little resentment. Like I said you cant understand unless your in this situation.

I wrote that blog as a way to vent. I have been without my husband for 7 months. No R&R yet...I'm pregnant, and living at home. Most of the situations I have been in have not been easy...and I would gladly take your shorter deployment ANY DAY OF THE WEEK and never complain once about how long it is. I'd rather have the short ones. Concider yourselfs lucky! really. If your husbands gone for a 4 month or 6 month oer whatever month should always feel lucky its not longer. My grandmother always reminds me of grandfather was gone for 3 years! I'm grateful these deployments are shorter then that! Does it make it easy? No it doesn't. A deployment is a I said. The worry and the fear is there.

I'm sorry that some of you felt offended by my remarks. You can't understand unless your in my sitaution just like I cant understand your situation. I am doing my best to stay strong...and as we all know its not easy. I'm weak right now. I'm tired of having him gone. JUST LIKE YOU. I didnt say I dont support you...I didnt say I hate them for having shorter deployments. I am jealous your deployment is short! and I love all my MILspouses dearly...but right now....I need to be sad for myself, and miss my husband. I need to be jealous of your short deployments. I need to not feel bad for anyone else but it selfish all you want...but like I said....a deployment is a deployment. I deal with mine how I need to. I need to let myself be sad for myself, and not for anyone else.

its getting there.

its getting to that point. you all know what i mean...the point of everything anyone says is stupid.

I'm really worn out from being pregnant and going through this deployment. Yes it was our choice to get pregnant during the deployment, and while I don't regret any of that...I'm so flipping exhausted!! Last deployment was easy as pie. I wasn't married and really it was dating with no physical contact...I enjoyed very much getting to know the man I loved. So it was super easy for me to underestimate this deployment...not only were we married but now we have a baby on the way. Its was more emotionally and physically exhausting then I thought it would be.

Almost every time I read a blog about someone who's husband/boyfriend is only going to be gone for 4 months, I wanna scream. I would take anything compared to this 12 months. I feel awful saying that it makes me mad...but really it does. I know a deployment is a deployment...but to read someones blog who is only going through a 6 month deployment or shorter, and see them having a hard time, I wanna say so many things it makes me feel awful! I don't like being like this. I want to support my fellow MILspouses...but right now I am really having a hard time doing that.

I'm sure this probably just pissed off a few people...but I kinda dont care. My deployment is different then anyone elses. Last deployment was called a Successful Military one died. So I expected the same for this deployment....boy was I wrong. So far my husband brigade has had 3 men die. I feel awful for these families, and its worrying me more about my husband being over there. I get told my husband will be home sometime around Halloween, and then my husband tells me to prepare for him to be gone till February which would be an 18 month deployment! SERIOUSLY! I cant deal with him being gone anymore.

Ok. So this blog was a vent blog. I feel.....almost better. Hopefully I can just stay busier. Make this time fly. I am going to pray my heart out that my daughter gets her daddy home soon. I'm beyond ready to just have him hold me! almost 7 months down....hopefully that ugly word extension doesn't show its ugly face to me.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Ghost Adventures

If you know me at all...I've always kinda been a huge freak. Halloween is my favorite Holiday. Ghost are real...well to me. The bloodier the better! So I was naturally excited when I found out Travel Channels Ghost Adventures came out to MY home town in Utah to film an episode! I never knew they came until the posted it in our newspaper yesterday.

We have this old hospital about 2 or 3 miles away from my home, that was turned into a haunted house called *Asylum 49*...which yes I have done :) This hospital has been rated the #3 haunted hospital in the nation! It actually has a pretty colorful history. About 5 miles out of town is a Army Depot, and they treated lots of soldiers at this hospital. I wasn't born there but I have plenty of friends who were, and that's the hospital I found out I was allergic to Sulfa in....ya I was pretty young when they closed this hospital so I don't know a ton about it.

I'm really really excited about them doing this! I have my TiVo all set to record! I am gonna spoil myself and get some popcorn too!! If any of you watch this let me know!

Ghost Adventures airs on Travel Channel at 9 pm Eastern Time
Check out their site on TravelChannel.Com right *HERE*

Monday, May 23, 2011

sneek peek.

My Hubberkins Fathers Day Gift. (ps he never ever reads this)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me!!

This is a scheduled post...but I thought because I have so many new followers for my birthday I should post a little bit about who I am!

First off today is my 22nd Birthday! I was born to wonderful loving parents! I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters! 4 nephews and 1 niece. I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah and raised in a small town just 30 minutes outside the city.  I lost my older sister when she was 20 years old, when I was 10. It was a really hard thing for a really long time, but I am finally at that point of knowing shes my angel!
I've had alot of problems with depression, I also have been sexually abused and have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from that. I'm very open about it, which has ended up being a huge blessing to people who also have been through abuse.
I graduated high school in 2007....OR '007 :) and chose to not go to college. For one thing I have no idea what I want to do, to this day! and another I always wanted to be a stay at home mom...and I did a trial run of it my first year of marriage and rocked it!!
I met my wonderful husband at Fort Riley, Kansas in 2008, right before his first deployment, I waited for him and we got married 4 months after he returned!
December 30, 2009 is the day we said "I Do"...5 days after we got engaged! I wouldn't change the way we got married for anything!! Soon I joined him at Fort Riley and we spent the majority of our first year together. He deployed November 12th, and the day after he left I found out I was pregnant!
I moved home to Utah for the deployment when we found out we were having a baby girl!! She is due July 19th (yepp!! two more months!!) and we are so excited to see her!! Hubby should have his R&R around that time as well.
Also just a little treat for you guys!! in 22 years I have grown so much!! This is my baby picture! and a recent picture of me...

gotta love that blue carpet!! :) In 22 years I've grown alot and I cant wait to see what I will be like in 22 more years (yeah cheesy I know!!)
Hubby sent me a wonderful and beautiful bouquet of flowers before I left for Arizona, he is so sweet to me! He bought me a kindle a month ago...and that was my big birthday present...I couldnt wait to get it, so I got it early! :) So I was very suprised I got these flowers.
I hope everyone out there in Blogger land has a wonderful day today!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

How Do You Know?

As I was checking out my last blogs for the day I noticed my friend Jennie, responded to a blog's question which was...

How did you know that your spouse was the one for you?
And what has kept you on your toes all these years?
I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies.. So what has kept you holding on through the good times and the bad?
Jennie is a military wife..and you can check out her blog and her answers to these questions right *here*. Her answers got me thinking alot! Seriously, us MilSpouses go through a ton!  I know my personal relationship has had a ton of ups and downs! 2, 12 month deployments in 3 years! Its A LOT! Jennie is going through her first deployment and she's almost done! I am really excited for her! and her little daughter is adorable! So check out her answers as well as here I go!!

How Did You Know That Your Spouse Was The One For You?--- Well for wasn't always just that "feeling"...Hubby and I had a lot to work through. We knew each other only weeks before he deployed the first time to Iraq in 2009. The day he deployed we had not said "I Love You" yet...but the day he was to deploy I was with him, and I wanted to so badly! I had never ever had that feeling before, but I didn't want to say it and have him not say he got on those damn white buses and left....after he left I grabbed my friends phone and txt him, knowing he still had his phone on him and just said it! I didn't care anymore. He text me back and said he loved me too. It was one of those relationship defining moments we both had never had, and we continued to making those throughout our entire relationship. Thats how we both knew...we never ever wanted out, we knew we had things to work through and even though we took a break at one point we always knew we were some how ment to be together.

What Has Kept You On Your Toes All These Years?---The surprises! The silliness! Our immaturity! Before Hubby deployed I did not work...every payday we would pay the bills, stock the kitchen, and put money aside for gas...after that we looked at the money as free-to-do-what-we-want-with-money, we knew how close the deployment we decided to do what we wanted...which was always dinner and a movie. I loved looking at him across from a table and smiling at him, I loved holding his hand in a dark theater, I loved cuddling up on the couch with him and getting in "the pit" to be closer. Listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest move up and down. Our relationship was so simple it was so amazing. It takes my breath away.

What Keep Us Holding On Through The Good and The Bad?--- For one thing, we didn't take our marriage lightly. You can't in the Army...when you marry into it, you marry the Army as don't get to take vacations when you want, you don't get to call into work don't get so much. We have certainly had our issues, we have had our points were we both wondered if we could make it, but we always remembered to apologize when we said things we didn't mean, and more importantly we always had each others back. We always talked about everything...we kept our lives open to each other, and don't keep secrets....well unless they are surprises :)

If you choose to answer these questions as well let me know about it, so when I get home from good ol' Arizona I can read it. Plus my friends would love to read your responses.
Welp everyone I am off to bed...I got a LONG drive tomorrow. I love you all and I'll miss you!!

31 Weeks

So folks! I am heading down to the desert I love called Arizona for a week tomorrow. I'm in need of a vacation so badly! I'm really excited especially since I'll be gone on my birthday!! Which happens to be Thursday!
As for my little Love Bug...she's mesuring well on time! She's moving like crazy and you can tell shes mushed in there. Its a nice little feeling. I took my glucose test 2 weeks ago and got my results yesterday, and everything came out fine, except for the fact that I am a little prenatal has 156% of my daily dose of Iron, so the doctor just told me to eat certain foods. He doesnt seem too worried, so I 'm going to do my best in eating things with more iron in them.

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn his head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

6 Months Down...6 To Go

6 months to the day I looked like this....

Saying goodbye to my husband...not knowing when I'd get to see him again. Knowing that this was going to be a really hard 12 months. Little did I know what I would find out the day after he left. Yepp...I took a test and learned I was pregnant.
I've been having a hard time with jealously latley. If this were any other Military Branch I'd be getting ready to welcome him home...and I have been feeling like its unfair. I do my best to support my other MilSpouses but sometimes I feel so lonley and so unhappy and so jealous that I cant deal with it sometimes. I'm like all the other spouses...I'm just ready for him to come home.
I miss our kisses. I miss him rubbing my back (especially now). I miss his smell. I miss his touch.
One thing now is, if I remember correctly from last should really start picking up from here. Over the hump. Over The its time to go through the woods. R&R is a mere 9ish weeks away? and after that I'll have the baby and be moving back to Riley...Time could go by faster but it has gone by fast most of the time anyways....I'm ready to end this deployment. Cant wait to finally hold him and kiss him!

6 months down....6 more to go.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

30 Weeks!!

I was going to do my normal update on this...but my little brother had surgery on his nose yesterday and he is pretty swollen so I am off to take care of him. I am really excited to be in my final home strech to meeting our baby girl! She's messing with my sleep and my ribs and my lungs a little too much so I am ready for her to come out and say "Hello!" Heres my update from BabyCenter.Com.

Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)

Monday, May 9, 2011

My 1st Mothers Day

It took some getting used to...getting text messages saying "Happy Mothers Day" almost felt weird. I got used to it after a while, because I do know that I am a mom. I feel like her mother even though she's not here yet.
My sister in law gave me 20 bucks towards a Spa in Salt Lake City, which made me really excited because I am having horrid back pains, which I know are only going to get worse. My mother gave me 25 bucks toward a pedicure! and my husband got me this....

Its a Samsung HZ50W...I really thought we needed a new camera for when the baby comes along, and I did not expect this! I took photography classes in high school so I knew I knew how to use it. I was a little rusty but I finally started getting back to being used to it.
Finally I just have to write a little thing about my mommy. I really dont think I could have done this deployment without her. Last deployment I was living at home, and no one had met my husband...well boyfriend at the time. I didnt have lots of support and it was really hard, and this time around my parents are always there. I needed the help with this pregnancy and thats my parents taking on alot with me. Things normal civilians do with their husbands, my parents have to do it with me. I really couldnt ask for a better mom. She goes to every doctor appointment with me. I appreciate her so much though all the problems I have had in my life shes always done the best she can for me. I love you mom!!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Something Borrowed part 2

So you guessed it I went and saw the movie! I loved this book and was super glad I read it. I have two opinions on the movie....for one thing the book is way better...which should be a no brainer, the books are always better. The movie was really good too, but a little off of the book. My mother went with me and she didnt read the book and she told me she really understood the movie, and she really loved it!

I'd deffinitly see it again. I'll deffinitly buy it. I'll deffinitly have to crawl in bed with my hubby and watch this with him when he gets home.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

1st Pregnancy Scare

I have been very lucky to never have any problems during this pregnancy..that being said I got all cocky in head thinking nothing could ever go wrong, that it just wasnt in the cards for me. Little did I know!

I had my sugar test yesterday morning, which ended up being a piece of cake! Litterally I was shocked at how yummy that drink was! While they waited to draw my blood they took my blood pressure and such, and my blood pressure was high, for the first time in my life someone said something about those numbers. I can't recall my exact numbers, though my mom can. They said I gained 8 pounds since my last appointment, and I need to be really careful of my salt intake...which I'll be honest, I haven't been bothering with it much since I have craved bacon, I assumed my body needed it. They told me if I have any headaches that I can't shake, or if I start to feel funny I need to be seen asap, and then they brought up that glorious word....Preeclampsia. Click *here* to learn about it. To be honest...once again I didnt know what the hell that was. So after a few hours of thinking about it, I decided to research it...mistake one. It freaked me out. I am glad it scared me now though.

I took a shower...and had to shave my legs...and when your 29 weeks pregnant its not easy bending up and down...I got out of the shower still thinking about the words my nurse and doctor had said to me. I knew I had a headache before, and I refuse to take medication while I'm pregnant I try ot fight everything off naturally...and if I really need to I'll take the meds. I started feeling funny and began to burst into tears. I litterally didnt stop crying for about 2 hours...which of course made my headache worse! and my face feel even funnier. I text my mom at work and told her what was going on...and she suggested we go to the ER just to make sure. So I cry more!! My dad was home at the time and was doing his best to calm me down, and everyone just wanted me to wait and see if it would go away, but in order to do that I needed to calm down. My mom called me on her way home from work and said my Grandparents had a blood pressure thing-a-ma-bob and she was gonna grab it and see what my blood pressure was again.

My dad calmed me down and I started feeling a little better without being able to shake the headache, and my mom arrived with the machine. My dad did an EMT class for his job, so he knew about the blood pressure machine, and I let him put the sleeve on me and take it, my blood pressure decreased dramatically! So that helped me calm down more. We decided not to take me to the ER...for one thing, I didnt know if I had to go to the ER or to the Maternity Ward...which would have been an easy thing to find out, but after a little bit I was calmed down and my headache went away and I felt better.

I came to the conclusion...a hot shower and shaving my legs probably made me feel funny. Bending over like that so much is not in the cards for pregnant woman. I need to probably just use Nair or something since waxing hurts!! I realized a few things while I was scared...for one thing I knew I needed to calm down for my little girl, because I knew I was putting stress on her, and it makes me feel awful to hurt her. When I was calming down I realized that if I had of had a c-section (worse case senario) that it would have been freaking hard but I would be ready for it if it had to come to that. Another thing I was prepared to do whatever I had to do to help her stay healthy and for me to be healthy for her. I really noticed....that I am now a mom. I can only hope that my little scare wont turn into an actual emergancy in the future. I want the best for my little girl. Mommy is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure she comes into this world healthy and screaming for me and her daddy. I love her so much.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

29 Weeks!

How far along: 29 Weeks.

Total weight gain: Finally gained 3 pounds! I'll find out if I gained more tomorrow.
Size and growth of the baby: Heres my Update from Baby Center.Com
Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and her head is growing bigger to make room for her developing brain. To meet her increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because her bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton

Sex: Little Angel.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much only wearing dresses and sweats now.

Sleep: Not sleeping well at all.

Best moment(s) of the week: Her kicking up a storm the other night was a blast to watch.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing really.

Morning sickness: Morning sickness has disappeared for the time being.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, Pelvic Pressure.
Labor signs: none.

Belly button in or out: In..but getting closer.

What I miss: ahh now sleeping good!
What I'm looking forward to: getting my sugar test over and done with tomorrow!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

9 Years 7 Months 20 Days

That my friends is exactly how long it took to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. I rejoiced last night, because other families of those who were victims of 9/11 finally got their justice. Though this is not the end of terrorism, it certainly shows that America no matter how long it takes will not back down when we've been threatened and attacked.
Though I am not a person who has lost a loved one in the war, I hope they feel as though their soldiers died protecting our country.
I can remember 9/11 like it was yesterday and it is a story I will tell my children and my we can all offically say that they have gotten their justice.

I've seen the hate about Bin Laden being dead. How we should not be rejoicing over death...death is not always something to rejoice over...but considering this man and his followers have thousands of American's blood on their hands...this time its a well needed, well deserved death. I feel no pitty for him.
Those that said we should have found him sooner are not looking at what we have done and what we have accomplished. The times we had him but did not have enough force was to save american lives. For those who say we didnt find him fast enough, it appears to me that they dont care about these troops. I'm glad we found him, period. No matter how long it took, we found him, and we gave the victims of 9/11 and the soldiers lives who died protecting this country the justice they deserve, and thats the bottom line.

I've never ever forgotten the reason we went to Afghanistan...we went to find this man, and 9 years 7 months and 20 days later we can finally say we have him. Everytime I've learned of another soldiers death it breaks my heart, not only to know that could have been my husband, but also to feel the pain they must feel must hurt like hell. I know losing a family member isnt war or not, I know this from losing my sister so suddenly. It hurts in war or not and those families are in my thoughts and prayers every day.
I'm glad justice has been done. I'm glad that he is dead. I'm glad that widows and children will finally rest easy knowing this man is dead and gone.

"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." ~Thomas Jefferson
I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
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