Thought and Input

I've been seeing this article floating around on my Facebook timeline. Its titled "6 ways to protect your child from sexal abuse" as I looked through the article I could see several ideas that seemed liked pretty reasonable ways to protect kids from abuse... but then some I sorta disagreed with. Such as "do not force your child to give affection such as saying "gimmie a kiss"" .. come one who doesn't say that to their child? Or "telling your child to be good"... I believe telling my child she needs to behave in the store is perfectly acceptable!

But I'm still open minded to what the author was writing. I don't personally know the author, so I have no clue if she has any history of being sexually abused. But for me speaking as a person who has been sexually abused, I have to agree with one point the author made.

"Know that potential abusers may not be who you expect."

I was abused by a brother and my best friends brother. I have come in contact through years of therapy with others who have been abused and learned that it happens quite often that a family member or people close to the child are the abusers. That's one thing I really take from this article and one thing I hope people really know and understand to ALWAYS be careful of who you leave your child with.

My best friends brother raped me and it only happened one time. I was sleeping over at her house and her brother, who was very popular are cute had asked me to come into another room with him to watch a movie when it happened. My Mom didn't know for a while, and I pretended like it never happened. This is another reason why my kids will not be doing the sleepover thing... it happens a lot! It happens often that things like that happen during sleepovers. Not to mention experimenting with drugs and alcohol. This boy came from a nice Christian family, and it still happened.

My brother... well he has his own huge set of issues. Its been almost 3 years since I talked to him... but it happened about 10 years ago... about the year mark after I was raped. My brother knew I was taking sleeping medications and decided to sneak into my room and attack me, and it happened more then once. My parents room was right across the hall from mine. He was reported and did a lot of therapy and even some time in juvie for what he did for me, and is now currently in prison. He had admitted to abusing my little sister as well, which if you know about her she is handicapped and is physically incapable of talking. He also admitted to going after other family members as well. His issues are his own... and I have put him behind me, and I have forgiven him for what he did to me.

I only share these stories and experiences to open peoples eyes. This stuff does happen all the time! Its nothing my parents did wrong to cause me to be abused, these things happened to me because of the person who did it. I didn't do anything wrong, and to be honest I am not sure there was much I really could have done. My parents have often had issues about what happened to me and how they could have prevented it, especially when one of them happened in their own home. But this has caused me to really think about how P and I will raise our children... one of the hardest parts of being a parent is realizing that I just cannot protect Evelyn from everything, but I can learn from what has happened in my own life and apply that to my parenting today.

By telling my child what her body parts are at an early age is not going to stop her from abuse, and not asking for kisses is certainly not going to stop it either. All I can do is warn my child of the dangers in the world and do my best to protect her. Set up rules and hope that nothing happens to her. Limit the contact with people who watch her, and if I have a gut feeling, then I need to follow it and not dismiss it. One day my children will understand how I feel, and if they are mad they are not allowed to have sleep overs then so be it... but I will do all I can to protect them. That's just my input.

Potty Training... Its happening!!

I never thought this day would come... after at least 10 false alarms, and Evelyn thinking she was ready, and turning out to not be ready, its really here! Last Sunday, Evelyn insisted on using the potty so I took her to the bathroom... she went, and then she went again and again and again!! Words cannot describe the joy I felt knowing this was more then likely it! I really didn't think she'd want to do it for a while, and to be honest... I was mentally preparing to fly to Germany with two kids in diapers.

Its been over a week now since I have even touched a diaper! Not including pull-ups. I know in some situations pull-ups are no no's but Evelyn does not understand getting up and using the potty at night, and until she has control of her bladder, I'm not going force it.

I'm glad that I decided to take a step back and stop trying to force her into potty training... this is a huge step for her and she should be the one to make the decision to do it, not me or her Dad. Now that she's using the potty... almost like a pro, it makes me so proud to see her have made this decision.

I'm still cleaning up messes sometimes, and of course she's having an issue pooping in the potty, but I expected that. But I know we are on our way! I couldn't be prouder of my little one.

She's thrilled to keep her Minnie Mouse and Bubble Guppie panties dry, and gladly tells me she is dry when I ask her if she is. She also gets the hint that if she does good all day she gets to pick a treat from her Halloween bucket. Best use for Halloween candy I swear!

Now that she has this new found freedom... she also has decided to learn how to take clothes off, and at this point... I don't mind. I'm glad we aren't living in Utah though so she's not freezing!

cherish the moments.

I gotta say... that title is something I have a very hard time doing, especially lately. I have been so frustrated with my toddler and her terrible twos that I am almost projecting them onto other people. I've even contemplated losing a few friends because I can't stand that they don't know how hard it is for me to have Evelyn all day and be pregnant.

I realize exactly how ridiculous that statement sounds. Lets face it, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Its no one's fault that Evelyn is testing boundaries and that I am tired and more easily frustrated then I usually am.

Yesterday was one of my hard days... and I tell you, it was bad. I was so frustrated that after punishing Evelyn and getting after her for not listening and just flat out horrible behavior, I just sat down and bawled my eyes out. Evelyn kept telling me that it was ok and that I was indeed crying, and it cheered me up a bit. Finally I text P and told him that I was quitting the day, that he would be coming home to a wife on the couch and a toddler in front of the TV. Luckily he was super nice about it, and just knew I needed to stop. I mean we all reach that breaking point at one point or another where we just need to stop. We need to do it for our own sanity! Nothing wrong with that either.

This morning I woke up, and while laying in bed checking FB and other social media sites I learned that a member of my church just found out her son has cancer. This little boy is maybe...7, they just moved away at are in Utah visiting family when they found out the news, and that he will be starting Chemo this morning. As I laid there thinking about them and how they must be feeling when I did what I think almost everyone does... you think about what if that was your child. The ache in your heart gets worse, your heart breaks for that family a little more, and then I realized how if I had just found out Evelyn was sick that I would have just had a horrible day with her where I wasn't happy with her and her behavior... and that made me sick to my stomach.

I know its ok to have moments with your child that aren't perfect, and that we all need down time and moments of relaxing when your child is just not behaving.

So after a moment to letting that settle in, I could hear Evelyn playing in her room, for once she didn't climb in my bed this morning, so I called for her to come to me and she came running in my room with the sweetest smile and said "hi mama!", I held my arms out to her and she jumped right into them, I brought her up into my bed and laid her next to me and began to tell her how much I loved her, and as she always does she respond with "you too *kiss*", and I told myself that today will be a better day, if not for me then for this family who has a long journey ahead of them.

How I ended up co-sleeping...

I have never wanted to co-sleep... I really didn't. When I was pregnant with Evelyn and I was living at home, my brother and his wife were co-sleeping with their son. I saw the good, the bad and all the in-between with co-sleeping. Because my nephew was almost one when I moved home, I didn't see it as a big deal...but the farther it went the more I saw it as an inconvenience. To this day my nephew is 3 1/2 and is still in bed with them. I've never ever minded Evelyn sleeping in bed with us on certain occasions such as her being sick or being on vacations. I just never wanted to have an older kid in bed with me.

When I first got pregnant with baby #2, I was seriously ex-haust-ed! no joke. I had never felt so tired in my life. Evelyn started getting up at 5:30 and when she would come into my room to get me, I'd pull her into bed with me, and she'd go straight back to sleep... here we are, I am now 28 weeks along and about 5am every morning, Evelyn is climbing in bed with me to sleep... and earlier if she can.

I haven't minded it. Its been nice having her there, she sleeps so well. But I also realize that with a new baby on the way and about to come into my room to sleep (in a bassinet), that having both my girls right there might not be so smart. I also don't want to let Evelyn think that her new sister is getting more attention, or that Mommy loves the new baby more then her. So I'm at a cross roads.

P is not a fan of Evelyn sleeping in bed with me after he leaves for work... and he's honestly not happy that the new baby will be in our room when she's first born. But its not his choice ;).... just kidding.

I am not 100% on what to do. I am sure that I need to talk Evelyn into going back into her own bed... but when I have done that, I felt bad, I miss my little baby and she'll only be my only child for less then 3 short months now. I just miss her. But I also don't want conflict when the baby comes, especially if I am not sleeping well, or the baby some how ends up in my bed and then I won't know Evelyn's in the bed as well... its so confusing!

I've given myself a little break... told myself to just love on Evelyn a little longer. I'll always want to love on her... but she's almost 2 1/2... which means she's almost 3! and soon... she wont want to cuddle me... and I cannot stand that thought. I don't know what I'll do but for now... I am just going to hold onto my little one a little longer.

Sleep.

When we found out I was pregnant, we decided almost immediately we needed to put Ev in a toddler bed, and I think we seriously jumped the gun a little much on it. I think within a week we had found a bed and put Ev in her toddler bed. I had kinda said I wanted to wait till I was back from my Utah trip, but Ev was so excited about her new bed that I couldn't resist watching her climb into her bed, curl up and read a book till she fell asleep it was so cute... and she still does it which is cute... but I cannot even begin to tell you how much Evelyn is aware of the new freedom in this bed.

If you have ever been pregnant you know that the 1st trimester is exhausting! I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Evelyn, but then I was living with my parents so I didn't have much to clean up, or a toddler running around. This go around I just feel really flippin' tired all the time! I do my best to go to bed early and if I can I sneek in a nap while Ev is down for hers. But I tell you... with this new found freedom Ev is suddenly so aware of... she knows she can get out of bed, and come right into my room at 4am, and thinks its time to wake up, then I am begging her to go to bed, while she screams and cries, and sometimes I cannot get her back to sleep.

When she first started doing this she was up at 6:30 on the dot. Now it's 5:30 and earlier. I guess I am getting payback for feeling like I was so lucky she would sleep till 7 or 8 this whole time. Usually I have just been grabbing her and putting her in my bed, because P has already left for work, and I'll turn on Blue's Clues or Yo Gabba Gabba so I can sleep a little longer. Which honestly makes me feel like a bad lazy parent... which is not what I want. I just want Ev to sleep!

I don't really even know what to do with this sleep situation. I'm just trying to make it through.. and I am sure once I am over being so tired and gain some energy back that I will be more willing to get up earlier... probably not, but I can definitely say... I miss her being in a crib, where she literally could wake up early and once I told her to go back to bed, she'd maybe cry for 5 minutes and go back to sleep. Also the paci... but I am glad its gone! I'm not going back to that!

Thanks for listening to my whining. I can't wait for naptime! Zzzz...

Evelyns View of Love.

You hear it all the time how important it is for your child to see their parents happy and in love. Wether the parents are together or not, your child learns from how you act. Its something I think about alot. I grew up never seeing my parents fight, sure they got into little arguments about how the living room set up, but nothing such as raising voices and storming off because they are mad. Its something I have always wanted to do with my kids. There really is no need to raise your voice, especially when your child is around. But I grew up raising my voice louder and louder trying to get my angry teenage selfs point across. I've kinda stayed that way too. Usually when P and I are arguing I raise my voice and he raises his and then it turns into yellin over eachother type of deal. Usually we stop it when we see Evelyn staring at us, and take it down a few notches. We've gotten alot better with it too! Which is good! Its a work in process from me being the right one all the time, and from P who's always witnessed fights, but we noticed it and we are trying.

Sometimes when I try to look through Evelyn's eyes and see what she is seeing this is what I think she see's.

For one she see's her mother who's working on the house, playing on her phone too much (not so much since I quit FB and Twitter!), making dinner, teaching her things and a playmate. She see's her Dad who is gone too much, but is the best playmate when he comes home, who is on his phone too much (we are working on that), who loves to throw her in the air, and cuddle her to death.

She see's alot of love we give her. But what about the love between P and I...what does she see?

She see's us stealing kisses through out the day, always saying I love you before we leave, cuddles on the couch, holding hands in the car, dancing in the kitchen ust because we can, she see's arguments sometimes but she also see's us appologize and make up for it, the random gifts we give eachother even if its just a beer after work, and best of all the tickles, smiles and laughs we have with eachother.

I had never really though about how my child would see love in this world. I grew up with an amazing example of love. P didn't have so much luck. I'm glad that this is a huge example we can set for Evelyn so easily. Just by being us we show her what she should look for in a husband one day, how a man should treat her, and that her parents love and respect eachother.

It can get confusing.

I never thought much of disapline or anything of the sorts when I was pregnant. Most woman, that are probably older then me, research alot of parenting books, take classes and learn from friends on how to be a better parent. Me? Nope. All I knew was that Evelyn was going to be the perfect child! And since I had a little terror of a nephew I knew I did not want her to be like him.

Since Evelyn has gotten to the stage of needing more boundries and probably more disapline, I've been confused on what I want to do.

Do I want to spank her? Do I do time outs? If so where do I do them? How do you know when she's just overly upset or when she's just super mad? How do you get a child that is this mad to calm down?

So far I've really gone with my gut at the moment...but I can understand how it would confuse Evelyn. Right now, she does not have much listening skills...and I am not sure how to improve that for her. I try to grab her attention and get her to listen and talk nice...but lets face it, a toddler who is mad your trying to stop them from chewing on a cord, is not in the mood to listen to you. Time outs have happened a few times, but usually its because she can't calm down and needs to just have an area to cool off. I have swatted her butt a few times, when she is doing things that are HUGE no no's. I know she's learning, and I know she is soaking in all this information now, so I know I need to be confident in my disaplining with her.

But anyways, I am working on this. Parenting turns out to be a whole different world once you have that child in your arms. I've been really asking for my parent's advice and they will be here this week so I will have lots of time to get some ideas and help from them. I think that's one thing I need is for my parents who raised 6 kids to give me advice on how to parent better.

I know I'll figure it out soon, and while usually I feel like I have pretty steady feet with this parenting "gig" I know that its a learning process too and every child is different and I just need to learn what is best for Evelyn, P and myself.

"I want to be a Stay-At-Home-Dad"

I'm pretty sure I am not the only wife & mother who has heard their husband utter this sentance. Mine utters this more then I would like to hear.

A long long time ago, when P and I were dating I told him that if I could be a SAHM, I wanted to be. That I never really wanted to do anything or be anything other then a Mom. I'm good at being home and getting things done, and I'm good at taking care of my child. I love it and I feel like it's been my calling from the beginning to be Evelyn's Mom. Some people want to work, but I don't. Its my choice. So since I had Ev I haven't worked. I've loved it.

The other night P and I were in bed talking and saw a man on House Hunters who was a Stay-At-Home Dad. Then P uttered the words "I want to be a stay-at-home Dad"....and I looked at him and said..."No you don't!"

Now hear me out, my husband is a wonderful father, BUT! He can't change a poopy diaper with out gagging through out the process of cleaning Evelyn's butt. He is to the point of throwing up. Usually I am the only changing the diapers and every once in a while I can get him to change a diaper. Oh yes, he's gotten to the point were he won't change even one diaper. I think he averages on maybe 1 to 2 diapers a week that he changes. P also doesn't like to clean. Even helping me on weekends is a fight. He is mad that he is helping me fold laundry, he's mad that I want to move furniture and vacuum under the couch.

So after I told P that he didn't want to be a SAHD, he looked me and said that I make it so easy, and I make it seem like I dont have to do anything....yeah well I'm good at it! (just kidding!)

Being a SAHM is no freaking joke! Yeah, when Evelyn was a newborn, it was pretty easy. I would put her in a crib, do the cleaning, take a nap, watch a little TV. That is after I moved from Utah back to Kansas and set the house up (with help from my parents) then was alone for a month before he even came home from Iraq. Super simple! But ya it was much simpler when Evelyn was immoblie. Then it was all about getting Evelyn to crawl, then moving across the country, then her becoming moblie! Now she's a running, screaming, walking and hitting toddler! Not so simple anymore.

I wake up and I am cleaning, picking up the house, taking care of Ev, cleaning up her messes, then cleaning up P's messes, and so on and so forth. While I dont mind it very much, P would have a fit if I left my clothes all over and he was the one to have to pick them up.

Really what P want's is to sit in front of the TV and be left alone....hey what do you know?! I sometimes just want to go shopping by myself!...its not a perfect world.

Being a SAHM is alot of work. So those who think it's super simple, dont get it twisted. Most of us fake it pretty good. At least your probably (and hopefully) getting a shower every day that is not interupted by a child screaming at the door. But I wouldn't trade this for anything! I love all the time I get with Evelyn, and even though sometimes I can get a little overwhelmed, I wouldn't have it any other way!

potty weekend!!

This weekend was another really chill one. For one thing Evelyn has had a bug, we had a frozen rain storm, I have caught Evelyns tummy bug, and all in all we just didnt do much besides stay inside and enjoy some Harry Potter movies. (I used to think Utah was cold at 8*, but this 35* weather with that humidity...ahh freezes your body!)

I have mentioned before that Evelyn has started a tad bit of potty training. When she first got the potty, I was sitting her on the potty every few hours, she went one time and I thought this would get easier. She didn't go again and started playing with the potty (it makes music), so I backed off of her. She's still young and I shouldn't be forcing her.

(PS here's her potty area.)

Every once in a while Evelyn would come into the bathroom with me, even if I really didn't want her to and she would sit on her potty and act like she wanted to go. Sometimes I took her pants off, sometimes I didnt.

Then Saturday Evelyn ran to the bathroom door and was trying to get in, so I said "You want to go potty?" and she kept trying to get in, so I opened the door took her pants and diaper off and she sat down. At first I was just like, ya another bust...then she sat up and ran away, I looked and she had pee'd! Talk about being excited about pee. I told her Dad to come give her some praise! We praised her and let her pick out her sticker for her chart and she went back on her day. We tried a few more times with no success that day. The next day before bath time I stuck her on the potty again, and she went again! Seriously I am proud to clean up her potty.

So P and I decided that we should put her on a schedule. We know Evelyn is only 1 1/2 and so we shouldn't push it to hard. But she seems interested a little more and the girl is so proud of her stickers! No harm in still trying. I've read about having a naked day, and I tell you I thought that was ridiculous, but then I started noticing that I don't know Evelyn's signals for needing to go potty. So as horrible as it sounds to be following her around all day making she she doesn't poop all over the place, I think I am going to be brave and do it! Even if its for a half a day. I'll just remind her there is a potty here and she can use it, and I'll be sure to have loads of carpet cleaner!

doing the best I know how to.

If your not a Mom you might not notice all the harsh judgment in the parenting world. Sure I love being a parent, infact I think I am doing a fantastic job (most days) with Evelyn. But then instead of it being parenting like your parents and grandparents had, you have the added stress of social media.

Now I am all for being all you can be, super mom, crunchy mom, over the moon Mom...but I'm gonna be honest...thats not at all who I am.

I dont know if other Mom's feel like this but you feel this huge amount of pressure to better your child constantly. No sugars, no flour, no spanking, dont feed your kids corn dogs, no TV, no spoiling, no germs, no no no no no. ALL THE TIME.

I do not personally have the means to feed my child organic food all the time. Its not that I dont think organic food is better for you, I ate regular food my whole life and I am fine. But I personally cannot afford it. P and I are working to better our finances, eat better and be better parents and the first thing on my mind is not spending $50 more of food just because its a little better for you.

Now before I keep going...I am not bashing on ANYONE. I am just trying to get out some frustrations I feel.

I have said on twitter and even Facebook that our world has just become one big world of "your doing this wrong"...and I am at the point where I am freaking sick of feeling like I dont do enough. I try really hard to do things with Evelyn, and I think its terrible that I feel like an awful parent when I just flat out dont want to do much one day. I know Evelyn is just happy as can be if we sit and have an off day where we do movies, but then you hear comments or read articles about how your rotting your childs brain by even letting them watch TV. Your also encouraging laziness.

My Mom and Dad always did things with me and my siblings, and I love looking at those photos and those videos. When my sister died, alot of things like that stopped, my parents were heartbroken, I was 9 and didnt understand what just happened and neither did my younger siblings. While my parents did their best, a lot of things that should have been happening when I was 9 and 10 and even older didnt happen.

If its one thing I am learning from my parents losing a child its to take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment. Who freaking cares if Evelyn and I dont leave the house for a day or two, we are enjoying eachother, and its not like I am throwing her infront of the TV and going into a seperate room to be by myself, we are always together.

I've gone through a ton of shit in my life, more then the average person usually goes through, and I am doing my hardest to be me and be the parent I want to be. While I appreciate reading articles and learning about what I could be doing more of with Evelyn, I do know I need to take it day by day and just enjoy this time. You just never know whats going to happen in the future.

All I am trying to say is if your a Mom feeling the pressure to have the amazing perfect child, that can do no wrong, who was raised the "right" way, who ate all the right things, who talks perfectly by the time he/she is 2, who knows every shape and color before 2...just know your not alone in feeling the pressure, and its totally just fine to take it easy and parent the best way you can. Theres no harm in taking a "day off" and being lazy. No harm in feeding your child a corn dog just because your not in the mood to make a fancy lunch. No harm in anything your doing, your doing the best you know how to.

What's going on at my house..

I really feel like I have lost my blogging pace. I used to be able to sit and read blogs and have enough time to schedule some posts. Latley I have no time, pretty much since I got back to NC, and its probably because I had my Mom here and still just have a shit ton of things to do. I keep finding out that I ran out of cleaning supplies so my house isnt as clean as I like it but its ok since I cleaned before I left for that 4 months. I so had expired things in my fridge that I didnt check before I went shopping, and its not that I cant grocery shop again but because we get paid a few days earlier I would rather wait.

Evelyn has also decided two naps a day is not for her anymore. So I do not have those times during the day to blog and to read when I still have other things going on. I am still figuring out the time Evelyn is ready to nap for her now one nap a day so that its not too early and not too late and figuring out if she needs a new bedtime and so on and so forth. Seems like everyday is different for the girl.

We also started the process of weaning her off the Paci...its harder then Ithought! But I cut the Paci's tip and bam we are in the process so now going back now!

P is back at work and working long hours. Its driving me nuts. I never know when he is home and I never know anything. Freaking sucks. But I am trying to adjust. I realize my day has to move on a schedule because of Evelyn, so if he's not home to eat when Evelyn is ready then he will just have to heat up his dinner.

I really feel like a scatter brained mess. I am sorry if I am lacking in being out there with you all...I am just really trying to adjust back to life here and figuring out more of my Mommy things. Bare with me folks!

bragging.

I gotta brag. I have a truley amazing daughter.

I cant denie it. I want to spoil her rotten, give her the world, keep her from evil and be the best mommy to her ever! I often say I dont know if I'll want another baby because I want to give Evelyn the world!

She has the best smile. The best heart and the best personalitly I have ever seen in a little girl! She is hilarious! She's so much like me it just melts my heart! She can look like her Daddy all she wants, that girl is 100% just like her mom!

She is really the light of my life. She makes me want to be an awesome Mommy. I always thought that how I used to watch after my nephews would be the Mom I would be, but I find myself alot more calmer with Evelyn then I ever was. She can make me mad, but within 5 minutes I am laughing at how weird she is. I am always wanting to show her new things. She never cares but it makes me smile.
I am so lucky to be this little girl's mommy. I am so glad I had the 1st girl in the grandkids, everyone just adores Evelyn. Even her older cousins just want to protect her and show her everything.

Best thing ever!

Whats Going On?

Besides thew post I had yesterday about my Grandpa there is quite a few different things going around in my life right now.

First..Diet...Oh how I am hating to diet! I hate working out! (I stopped my yoga after I had some major pains down in my...ya know area, still need to call my doctor and make sure they arnt cysts). I also always feel like my excuses are legit! Like the one I feel is pretty legit...

"my neighborhood office in Bragg has a room for kids, but its competley seperate from the work out area and the window is too tall for me to see Evelyn from the workout area"

Legit right? Ya..until you think about the Hubs comes home from work and can babysit. Oh ya...Liz good excuse huh! I guess you can call me a clingy wife but I actually love to spend a ton of time with my husband! I like to go out without him, dont get me wrong, but if I dont have to I dont like to.
Now I am in Utah and I can go work out..there is an Army Depot here for free and I have parents who would love to babysit...but do I go? nope. Why?...because;

"Evelyn is my responciblity"

Its the truth and legit. Its mostly me putting it off. I know lots of people who work out say its 5% of your day to work out for an hour...well that one hour I could be working out could be spent with my kid or cleaning or flat out being lazy and watching tv. Yepp thats how I look at it.

BUT I know I am fat. I know I got weight to loose. I know I need to do it. If the Hubs and I decide to have another baby, I need to have this weight off of me, for health reasons. I am by no means morbidy obese..even if my BMI thing says I am Obese..I am not! I have big boobs! HUGE difference! WW is still working for me...even though I'll admit I just had a Drumstick. I am still doing it and trying my best! My Mom and I are doing a diet and I sorta want to make it a challenge...because I personally do not like weighing the same as my mom.

Second..I'm already getting cracking on Halloween! I picked out Evelyn costume and I am making it! I hope I am at least! and its gonna be amazing! :) Also my Mom wants to do crafts with my and my SIL and that will be way fun! Its alot nicer to actually get along with my SIL now.

Third..Evelyn...oh my gosh. Up twice a night...out of habit and the Hubs is mad when I try to let her CIO...the girl still wants a bottle at night...and the Hubs is no help when it comes to trying to sleep train her again. So I am stuck in this thing between wanting him to leave so I can sleep through the night again, and me just giving up and giving her a bottle at night...I know I am failing.

Everyone keeps telling me not to worry so bad..she has been 1 for 12 days now. But I had my goals set out and I feel like I fail them. I fail with my diet, I fail with my kid, I fail myself...and I hate feeling like a failure.

I am ready to start sleep training her again...and the way I am going to start is buy actually litterally throwing her bottles in the trash can. The day the Hubs leaves I am throwing them away...and not buying new ones. I am gonna be a mean momma. Well to her.

At first I thought she was waking up this much because she was so hungry...but no we pack this girl really full and give her a bath and she still wakes up. Its habit. Its annoying...this Momma is dying of sleep deprivation.

Fourth..I say I am ready for the Hubs to go back to NC...and its sorta true. I want to sleep train Evelyn, get back on a budget, not eat out all the time. Oh, and go back to not feeling like I want to punch him in the head so much anymore.

Because if I hear this;
"I'm on leave I shouldn't have to do (insert chore here) right now"

One more time I am gonna loose my mind. I dont get a vacation from Evelyn! I maybe here and not have a whole house to clean but I still clean and I still have to make sure Evelyn is fed, changed and bathed on a daily basis! That saying may have worked when he was on R&R from Iraq, but he is about to go sit in a class all day and then have weekends off where he goes and hangs out with buddies from Fort Riley soon! and thats his vacation! I dont get one! Yepp..thats my rant.

Like how Optimistic I can be ;)

Milk or Soy

When Evelyn was about 3 months old, I had a doctors appointment and I was in a rush and didnt have time to pump a bottle for her, I hadnt ever breastfed in public and I was extremely on edge about doing so, so I had a ton of free samples of formula and I made her a bottle for my appointment. I decided it wouldnt hurt for her to have one bottle and I knew she wouldnt really eat it either but I just needed something to take the edge off for her. Hubs was deployed and I was all alone so I just did what I thought was best at the time. After my appointment Evelyn got kinda sick. She threw up a good meal, and it had to of been everything that was in her tummy, so I assumed the formula was forever a no go for her. She however continued to throw up that day and the next day. So I took her to the ER. After explaining that that has been the only change in her diet and mine he told me that she was possibly allergic to milk (the formula was milk-based), so if I ever gave her formula again to do Soy. So when the Hubs talked me out of breastfeeding we put Evelyn on Soy-Based Formula. So far she's done very well with it!

I started giving her the Yo-Baby yogart about 2 months ago and she's done great! She's had a few grilled cheese sandwhiches for lunch, however when we gave her string cheese she was not at all happy and threw up a bit from it.

Now that she is almost 1 is almost time to take her off formula and put her on cow's milk. I am however worried that she wont do well with it though. So I am debating constantly about if I should keep her on Soy or try Milk again. I havent had time to set up insurance for her yet since we got to Utah..we have to change from South to West...(which BTW TriCare is stupid...I'm grateful for it but its stupid sometimes) So I thought I would ask my readers if they have any advice on this topic.

I've heard that until their actually birthday they cannot have milk so I havent tried at all. But I do want to transition her on her birthday. Be done with Bottles and onto the Sippys and done with Formula and onto Soy or Milk.

Which would you choose and why?

Baby to Toddler

Its pretty apparent I need to start refuring Evelyn as a Toddler instead of a baby...cue; broken heart. My baby is a toddler....still sounds weird. My mom's been calling Evelyn a Toddler for a while and I correct her and say she's a baby till she's one. But I can tell she is a toddler.

She is crawling, standing and trying to walk, she's a toddler.....shes a toddler.

Its sad to see Evelyn turn into a toddler, honestly where did the last 10 months go??

I am so glad that even though this little girl looks just like her Dad, her personality is just like mine!! Her Dad is going to be odd man out! He's got 2 funny girls on his hand.

I just cant believe the transition from cooperative baby to screaming toddler. She refuses her naps, she throws herself on the ground when she doesn't get her way, spitting her food out, oh the joys I am about to have for the next few years. But I cant wait to see the little girl she'll become...but hopefully that will be a slower transition!

Sleep Training? Pt. 2

Since writting you last time about Sleep Training, the Hubs and I have tried The Ferber Method or Cry It Out Method. It FAILED. Horribly. Now for other parents it may work, I am not hear to judge you or tell you how to sleep train. But for our side of the story.

Not only we're we up hours at a time but when we'd finally decide to give her a bottle she sucked it down. So the Hubs and I we're sorely conviced that she really is hungry at night. We tried it we really did, but it just wasnt working.

Latley we've started trying to give her more formula at night to see if this helps. We've done 6 oz before and she woke up but didnt want another bottle, it was pretty much one of those habit things. Which we will figure out with her once we get her on a good amount of formula at night.

We tried 8 oz last night and she slept till 7 am! She usually sleeps till 8 or 8:30 so we gave her a 4 oz bottle, she ate and went back to sleep.

I couldnt believe how well she slept! I am so glad I didnt try the CIO method any longer because it wasnt clearly just a habit for her to wake up at night, she really was hungry. I am glad we listened to our brains on this one. Hopefully she'll continue to sleep through the night...if not be on the look out for Part 3.

Sleep training?

So I havent done that...

I have been getting really tired of waking up at 1am just so Evelyn can drink 1oz. I try to ignore her or give her a binky to help her go back to sleep, but she just screams for that 1oz. I dont mind waking up at (around) 5am to feed her a full bottle. But this 1am thing is driving me insane!

I always thought Evelyn would naturally grow out of waking up at night. So many other babys do...I assume.

I had a neighbor who's little boy is a few weeks older then Evelyn tell me that she would just get up with her boy and play and show him that he's not hungry, and then take him to bed. When they started leaving him in bed and he'd wake up they would pat his bum till he fell asleep.

I realize I should be way more patient, and I am trying to be, but one person who is NOT at all patient with this is my husband. The man hated me breastfeeding and talked me into not doing it anymore. Now he is mad I wont just get up with the baby and get her back to sleep faster. All I say is "I dont want to be getting up twice a night with a 1 year old."

I am going to really wait till we move and have the chance to "sleep in" a little more, but if I can I want to start working with her right now. I know it irritates my husband but he's not the one getting up twice a night with her. Plus he is Out Processing and is barelly ever working anymore, he shouldnt be complaining.

Her night routine is: she eats dinner with us, around 6. She has baby food and usually eats a whole container of it. Shes on stage 2 baby foods so its pretty thick. She has some Puffs, practice for finger foods. Then I bathe her with Nighttime Wash and lotion her with Nighttime Lotion. She gets to come back downstairs for a bit where we feed her and then when she looks tired we put her to bed. Usually she's immediatly tired after her bath. She gets 5 oz of formula and then its off to bed. In the crib with a Binky and her sound machine is on. (she does take 2 naps a day ranging from 40 minutes to an hour)

I would love if someone could give me suggestions or ideas! Thanks SO much!

Army Crawl

So proud of her!! I'd been working so hard on getting her hips to stop being so stiff! and finally she's not just a roller she is now a little Army Crawler!!

Check Up.

Evelyn had her 6 month check up today, and I cant get things off my mind, so when in doubt and need comfort or advice...BLOG.

Our doctor said Evelyns development is fantastic! BUT, when she started to ask how the standing was. Well Evelyn is on her tippy toes alot and her right foot bends a little when she puts weight on it. So my doctor asked us to take her bouncer away and see if it helps. It sucks because Evelyn LOVES her bouncer, she can spend a good hour in it.

So I have to admit I am sad the bouncer is about to go away. No worries I am taking it away because it needs to be done, but it was a nice little babysitter when I needed to get things done. Thankfully the doctor told us we could, use an Exersauser because it keeps her feet flat. My awesome friend has grown up kids so she is giving us hers, which saves us a pretty penny!

Evelyn is also not interested in sitting up. Even propped up or in her bumbo, she cant stand to be sitting up. She loves to stand just hates to sit up. This causes another problem. So if she doesnt get better she'll be in physical therapy

In all honesty it scares me that something could be wrong. It would be a physical thing, but it would still be hard to deal with. I know that if I work extra hard with her I can get her doing things better. But Evelyn is a stubborn baby and I am not sure how shes going to do with me pushing her so hard. She likes to be free and independant and do what she feels like doing! She doesnt want to sit up and work on keeping her feet planted on the ground. I know I have to make her though.

I just need to feel like she'll be fine. I am very grateful its not something mentally or even worse physically and this is a problem we can work on together and get her better even if we have to go to physical therapy I will be more then happy to work with her harder .

I have a mentally and physically handicapped sister, so I do know a few things about this stuff and I do know its not all bad. But I just never thought I'd hear that for my own daughter.

I know its mild. I know if I push her hard I can probably get her doing better, if not physical therapy isnt bad. Just sucks. Hopefully I can get Evelyn working good again, and doing better.

Goodbye Bouncer.

6 Months!

Half a year old! One step closer to you turning 18! HAHA.

Oh what joy I feel being your mommy Evelyn! Your the best thing thats ever happened to me and your Dad. We cant believe we have a 6 month old!

Your such a daddys girl! You could care less about Mom when Dad is around. You love to cuddle up with him and just play with his face!

You love your bouncer, your in it all the time! You want to be a grown up so bad. You have been known to roll to where Mommy and Daddy are if you can. You've learned to push with your feet. But still not to interested in crawling. You love your Leapfrog Pal Violet and Sophie!

Your such a joy to our lives Evelyn and you love everyone around you! You love to share attention and be around other kids! Although you cant understand why Izzy (Sara's Girl) trys to be like your mommy.

Diapers-Size 2 almost into 3's....somedays.

Clothes- Some 3-6 but mostly 6 months!

Sleep- You usually wake up 2 or 3 times a night still but nap every 4 hours.

Food- You are formula feed now, and eat every 3 hours. You LOVE baby food! I started giving you regular baby Stage 1 foods a few weeks ago and you eat it twice a day. So far you love anything except Squash.

Teeth- You have 2 teeth!!

Firsts- First teeth! Baby foods! You had your first night away from Mommy and Daddy. You also had your 1st Christmas and New Years!

6 months!

Teethies!!

Teething!

daddys girl!