Friday, December 31, 2010


So the summery of this year if I could throw it all into one word would be......INSANE.

Insane because I moved to Kansas, and back within 9 months. 

Insane because we thought we had longer then 12 months of him being home from last deployment to actually be home. 

Insane because I actually am pregnant! Which is a huge blessing but you never know if you might be the one without the ability.

Insane because it was freaking crazy!

I loved this year, even though it has brought alot of sadness into our lifes but 10x's more joy then we ever expected! Everyone always says the 1st year of marriage is the hardest. Well yeah its hard! You got 2 people who were raised completely differently, and them being thrown into living and breathing the same air everyday. We sure had our good times but we also had plenty of times when we just didnt know.
I am very grateful I got to spend most of my 1st year of marriage in a house with my husband. I learned so much more about him, and we both learned how to deal with each others flaws. Though my husband had a huge problem with drinking this year, I am so glad he picked me over the drinking! Which yes it was that bad that he had to make a choice.
I am greatful for this crazy insane year, and though 2011 is going to be full of sadness and joy, I am ready for it all! 
I cannot wait for my beautiful child to be born, and also my husband to come home from his deployment!! I am very hopeful that he shouldn't deploy for at least 15 months after getting home. You Marines lady's and Air Force lady's have it VERY lucky to have at least 2 or 3 years between deployments and such short ones, count your blessings!

I wont use that cliche "See You Next Year" joke...because I honestly never found that funny at all....but I will see you all in 2011. Have a Happy Safe New Year

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy Anniversary!!

3:50 PM in a Courthouse in my hometown on December 30, 2009, I kissed my best friend, my hero, and my lover that sealed us together as man and wife! I married the best person anyone could ever ask for, the man who would give me everything to put a smile on my face.
I chose this person to be in my life, I chose to have a family and a future with him, and he chose the same thing as well.

In the last year we have moved me to Fort Riley, had our first home together, bought all new furniture for our home without going into debt, went through some tough problems, delt with JRTC, sent him off on his second deployment, found out we were going to have our first child, and moved me back to Utah.
My beautiful wonderful husband and I have had our issues and our fair share of fights, and as we know many more to come, but I honestly would not have stuck with him if it wasn't worth it and he is worth every second, good and bad he is the man I was ment to be with.

He's not the one I dreamed of when I was younger, he is much better then some prince. He is the bravest and strongest person I know! The man I love falling asleep with at night, even if he can't stand my radiating body heat. The man who will help whenever he is asked. The man who when I am sick will scratch my scalp and make dinner.
I cannot wait for us to have this beautiful wonderful child into the world! We love our little bugger so much!!

On a side note: my doctor had an emergency c-section so I didnt get to meet him. But my nurse let me hear the heartbeat and even let me see the little bug! She/He sure moves a ton! I am filled with so much love!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Word Wednesday

So I was going to do Wordless Wednesday but there are no photos for it!

Today I am going to my doctor and I am (hopefully) FINALLY going to hear my baby's heart beat. I am 11 weeks and have not even met my doctor, so most of the things you normally would have had by now I haven't had. I keep hearing TriCare only pays for one ultrasound so I am nervous I wont see him or her for a while, but my nurse told me that sometimes he takes patients back to the ultrasound room for fun and he just does it himself.
So heres to hoping my appt will go very smoothly!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

11 Weeks!

As I stated before Tuesdays will now be my big pregnancy post of the week! Its also a cool way to document how I am feeling since I am better at typing then writing.
Yesterday I was feeling like crap all day...I had one day to work this week and couldn't do it. I hear all the time that morning sickness slows down around this time, but mine has just seemed to pick up!  So I sadly had to stay home after throwing up 5 times in an hour! Spent the rest of the day in my pajamas and on the recliner...and a few naps. I find myself lucky sometimes that I work with family because it meant a lot that both of my younger brothers helped me out by working. I can only hope that I am going to start feeling better soon!
My biggest cravings have mainly been know like Nerds, Skittles...anything without chocolate. I sometimes get randoms ones from thin air...or even smells from people chewing gum. My brother had trident and I could smell it...made me crave fruit roll-ups!
One thing that sucks is this enhanced smell thing....I can smell my nephews stinky diapers from across the room. YUCK. Plus that also helps with the sickness.

So here's my this from Baby Center...I hope you all enjoy!

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.
She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Robin Laid an Egg

Well I hope everyones Christmas was just as enjoyable as mine was. First to tell you all, No morning sickness at all that morning, but I am sure getting payback! I have been laying in bed all day and sleeping for most of it.
We woke up Christmas morning to everyone just being bored...its pretty sad that we have all really lost the spirit. Usually I am very upbeat about Christmas but this year just wasn't the year for me. My little nephew was trying to open his very first Christmas presents but was very bored by having to sit there. So my little sister opened them for him, which he loved!
I got some very pretty jewelry and a $75 visa card from my mom. Hubby gave me a ipod touch which was nice! I am loving playing with it, though I am such a huge music buff and am sad to report the majority of my music collection is all the way in Iraq. So for now I am going to have 2 ipods!
I got to go to my grandmothers and she gave me some crocheted baby booties! I am loving getting things for the little one, even though I am not buying them, I am scared it will jinx it.
It was amazing to see my family, I have a reunion coming up on the 31st and the 1st so I get to see lots more of them! I am hoping the little one will take it way easier on me, since right now all it feels like it motion sickness and that's no bueno. I also have a doctors appt on the 29th! So excited since I'll probably hear the babies heartbeat!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

My Secret Santa!

I was so excited I received my Secret Santa Gift yesterday at work! and I actually knew who my Secret Santa was! She was so sweet to send these to me, I havent had the chance to eat my German Candy yet, I have been holding onto it for safe keeping. Hoping I can keep my bottle of (I am assuming) Wine hidden until Hubby and I can share it together.
Its so cool to see this stuff from a place so far away! Written in German and everything! Being that I have only ventured out of the Country to Canada, which was a trip for me! So it was a blast just trying to read it all! '

So thank you to Bonnie @ *The Sometimes Single Mom* you made my week!!!

Now I am sad to say to my bloggers but I am going to not be blogging until Monday! Tonight's my brothers birthday and then I am spending Christmas Eve working till 2pm and being with family!
I hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

10 Weeks!

So every Tuesday from now on its gonna be my pregnancy post. I might not get too many people into this part of my blog, but this is something in my life that I feel is important to share especially with one big support system out there...yes I mean all you military wives/girlfriends out there!

I get all of these from Baby Center, its a website I have felt has alot of information right at my finger tips! Keep in mind I do not know the sex of my baby.

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in  his body rapidly grow and mature.
Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ahhh The Life...

I am super excited. I wake up this morning and after getting my booty in gear and dressing up for my skype date with Hubby, I read 2 blog's of girls who are due around the same time as me!! It makes me feel like I announced my pregnancy too early but I think they can all agree its hard to not be excited!!
So I want to throw out a CONGRATS to Katie @ *The Life of an Army Wife* and *Committed to a Solider*.

Looking forward to reading up on their pregnancy's too!

I know alot of you know that I have been sexually abused in the past a few times but none of you know one of the times it was by a family member. A family member I am currently living with for the first time in 7 years. Now the only reason I am bringing this up is for advice...its not to start shit with him or bash on him.
I forgave him only in October when I was here on leave with Hubby. It took along time since he was not just a random person, he was a person I had to deal with on a daily basis, someone I had lived with and grew up with. So any of you can imagine its a lot harder to deal with then to just have your space and deal with alone.
He was kicked out of my house when he was 14 by the state after he admitted to also admitting molesting my handicapped sister, and was forced to live in multiple group homes. When he was 20 he was being kicked out of his group homes by the state and was pretty much going to be homeless, my mom and dad decided to move him back into their home which did not fly with me at all, I didn't talk to them for about 2 weeks.
When I came here to Utah in October to visit my family, my Hubby and I had been debating if I should move home and decided we should see if leave went well. Though I was never up for living with my brother again, I was running out of options. Leave went very brother had kept his distance from me, and it made me feel a lot more secure to move back home. So the choice was made and as soon as we got back to FR we started packing up our house.
Now we all know I moved home and I have been miserable since I got here...and now absolutely do not have a choice with being pregnant I need to be around family, because there is no guarantee that Hubby will be here when I give birth, I have to stay here.
The way my brother has been acting with me is rude and completely uncalled for. I am finding myself constantly fighting with him and cursing my brains out and the completely idiotic things he says and does. Its hard for me to act like this is a normal relationship when it is anything but normal. I dont have alot of space and Hubby agreed to leave his Xbox with me so I could have it when I need alone time, which now seems like every minute of every day.
I am avoiding any contact with him, but living in this house its not so simple. Today I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs at him while I was trying to get my little sister ready for the day. She didnt have pants on and was fighting me on getting her into the bathroom, he came down the stairs and kinda stared at her and I flipped out! I told him to get the eff away from her and not touch her, as he began to make his smart ass comments at me, I also began firing them back. I stooped to his level.
I am finding myself at a huge loss...I am pretty close to quitting my job since I cannot stand to work around him and also live with him. Its too much too soon and as much as I am trying to make this better for my parents, and have at least a decent relationship with him, I am finding myself having a hard time letting it all go.
I forgave him, and I have delt with my emotions towards what happened. But trauma like this doesn't mean its cured over night, its a long process. I have had PTSD from it and still tend to have nightmares about it all. I am over his issues and hope he is better, but I cannot trust him near me or my sister or even my niece or nephews.
I wish I could move back to FR after the holidays. Honestly I really do. I know I could count on my friends there to be supportive of me and help me with birth if needed, but its not their baby and not their problem to deal with.
Hubby has told me if I need to quit then I should do it. He isnt worried about the money, nothing like that. We wanted me to work to keep myself busy and make time go by faster. But with the stress my brother is putting on me I am not blowing through any time! I am at a complete stand-still waiting for him to get hit by a car so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know I am awful. This isnt a good situation for me or my baby, but its the only one I have.
I know this is alot to ask but does anyone have any good advice for me? I am stuck.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Good Tidings.

Yesterday I was just having my daily dose of reality tv, when someone rang the door bell. I never answer the door here since its my parents house and I was not expecting anyone anyways. So my Dad answered and stood at the door for a while, when he was done talking he yelled that someone had brought something for me, immediately I assume its probably a surprise gift from my Hubby, but when I turn around its a plate of cookies....alright so maybe something from the neighbors? but just for me?
My dad began to tell me a nice family who saw The Blue Star flag in my window thought they should do something out of the kindness of their hearts since they knew we were missing someone this holiday season. I began to tear up at the kindness someone has just shown us. Especially since 2 days before I had someone yell at me for my husbands sacrifice, telling me how stupid we both we're and we were going to hell for it. It restores my faith that there are people besides the military community who really care about the soldiers sacrificing for us.
I have never really had such an act of kindness given to me and I am grateful for whoever this family is. I am going to make sure I pay it forward. Though I am sad I will never know who this family is, they have given me the greatest gift this holiday season, which is knowing someone out there knows and cares that my husband will be gone for the holidays.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Ok so you all know by now I work for a shipping company. Super Nice. Super Lame. It leaves me to know a ton about the post office and their mailing. Now we all know when your husband is overseas you need to go Postal...haha get it? And I have been seeing alot of people writing posts on how awful the postal service is. So I thought about it and decided that I should do a little post on them. It can be benifical for you, or you can think I am totally a bitch for posting it all.

The postal service you should all know has no way to track anything! Literally. No way! Throw a stamp on it, pay for express mail doesnt matter they dont track anything!

Also nothing is Guaranteed. USPS can guarantee a few things going to certain citys, because company's like FedEx and UPS help lend out their planes to them. But when they tell you its Guaranteed, really they are lying. I hear it all the time. At my work we ship USPS too and constantly get calls saying I need that tracking number or something for USPS...and there is nothing we can do! Yes, they can call the post office whatever, but its the same thing.

Also just because its Flat Rate you might think its so much cheaper...but really UPS has been known to beat USPS prices. Plus with UPS you do get a tracking number and $100 insurance on it automatically.

If you can throw everything into one box! Not multiples. One large box is way less likely to get lost vs a bunch of little ones. Plus it really honestly is cheaper!

Also one big thing when shipping to APO/FPO's is get those flat rate boxes if you need them, saves you money!! But it has to say the APO/FPO on the box!

I hope this helped out alot for some of you having issues with the Post Office.

I am off to watch Disney movies with my little Bubby.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

No Name

I had no name for this blog today. I am really hurrying to do it, because I got to leave for work in about.......10 minutes? so I thought I would just share real quick how my doctors appt was.

They confirmed that I am 9 weeks along, which means I am 3 months! I got a bunch of infant formula, and my What to Expect When Your Expecting book, which was pretty cool. They were also very supportive of knowing Hubby is gone and have all lent out support for me as far as delivery and having him be apart of ultra sounds! Which of course made Hubby very very happy!
I am also due on July 20! So I was off by one day. But the due date can change at any time from now until I have my first ultra-sound which wont be for maybe another month. They drew like 5 vials on blood from me, which almost made me pass out!!! I guess I was breathing really funny after the fact.
Anyways Ladies I have got to run! Longer post tomorrow!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


So this is my first scheduled post. I hate to do it, but today at 9:15 I will be seeing my nurse to get my blood drawn and all of that! Plus the woman you all like to call *The Annoyed Army Wife* will be giving me a much needed massage today, and she should know I am super stoked to be getting it. My back is nice and sore for you! :)
Today was "the busiest shipping day of the year". My fellow co-workers and I looked to see how busy we were last year on this date and it was damn busy. Talking like over $5,000 in shipping! Which in this little town of ours is a lot! But today was NOTHING, though we were super busy we didn't even come close to matching it, which is a huge bummer. But I didn't feel too good anyways so I was glad it wasn't as busy. Lifting and packing and lifting and packing can really wear your arms and shoulders out!
One thing that I am learning is that I can really keep sugar down. Cookies and M&M's (especially pretzel ones) are the things I do not throw up. SCORE! Although I know I need to eat my veggies and fruits and such, I am doing so, I do eat some sugar at night or when I feel a little queeze and it helps A LOT! So thank you my wonderful little child for not making mommy throw up her favorite snacks!
My neighbor brought our family these treats, which they do every year, and they are homemade and so delicious!!! jealous of my green cookies!

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Weekend Wrap-Up

My weekend was alot better then my week! Sadly Saturday I worked a 10 hour shift, but honestly the last 2 hours were voluntary, even if I got paid for them, I was off the clock and didnt need to be there. It wasnt too bad of day. Of course super busy and lots of explaining but nothing more then the norm.
When I got home from work, I couldnt eat anything...everything looked nasty and nothing seemed to satisfy me. Later I found out why....yepp horrid morning sickness came upon me. Threw up all night and yesterday I threw up all morning and all night. YUCK I know. Hubby thinks its quite hilarious that I am throwing up this much but its really not. If I could burry my head under a rock I totally would.
Other then that I finally got to finish my Hubbys stocking! My grandmother usually does these for her grandkids but we added about 11 new family members through-out my entire extended family so my mother and I helped take some of the work off of her. I chose to do Hubby's entire stocking by myself as much as I could and it turned out really great!!!
  Yes, I did all of that! the stitching and all! I am very proud!

Hubby had some very interesting news for me yesterday. Apperently they had.....HAIL! Word went around and around on FB that everyone was making Iraqi Snowballs/Ice Balls. So when he woke up this morning the Hail had pretty much gone away and so it was now flooded.
I kinda think God was spreading a little Christmas Cheer for them...even if it was Hail.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Happy Thoughts

YES!! I am very grateful that Kelsey over at *Home Is Where The Heart Is* tagged me in this questionnaire. I love to fill them out and it will keep me positive since we all know this week really sucked for me.

1. four shows that you watch: (i watch sooo many, here are just a few)

- Desperate Housewives
- Weeds
- Greys Anatomy
- 16 and Preggo!

2. four things you are passionate about:
- Blogging and Writing.
- Cleaning (sadly)
- Making people smile and laugh.
- My Hubberkins!

3. four phrases you say a lot:
- "oh yeah?"
- "Alright."
- "I love you"
- "Shut Up" (tee-hee)

4. four things you've learned from the past:
- Sometimes you cant even trust your family.
- Make your mistakes worth while.
- Friends Come and Go. 
- Not every memory is a good memory.

5. four places you would like to go:

- Australia
- Italy.
- Germany/Poland
- France

6. four things you did yesterday:

- Worked.
- Talked to Hubby.
- Did the Blogger thing.
- Avoided stupid facebook.

7. four things you are looking forward to:
- My first doctors appt on the 29th.
- Moving back to Fort Riley.
- Hubby coming home!
- Of course my little ones face!!!

8. four things you love about winter:
- How pretty the trees look.
- That I know how to drive in the snow.
- My anniversary.
- Christmas DUH!...Naw actually New Years is WAY Better!

So thanks for reading this guys! This actually really uplifted my spirits today! I am hoping it will last all day!!! Thanks Kelsey for this!! 
For who I am going to TAG is going to be........Lacey!!! Over at Guinn and Bare It cant wait to see your answers girlie!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Enlistment

I have said it like a million Husband wants to be a lifer in the Army. He is good at his job, he loves his job, he hates deployments but is constantly confident that they will get shorter and that I can handle it. It doesnt bother me too much though it does worry me that our children will resent us for making this choice in the future.
Hubby is planning on re-enlisting in Iraq. He has 2 years left on his contract and wants to add six...but its technically 4, because the Army is downsizing and he wants to guarantee his spot in the army.
So he has been hearing from countless other people that the recruiter over there will not let anyone else re-enlist until they are a year out from getting out of the army. Not good, because they could definitely tell Hubby that he cannot re-enlist when he gets back. So a Sergeant in the Army, technically doing an E-7's job now, 4 years in the service and 2 deployments and they might kick him out? This irritates me. In my opinion my husband honestly works his ass off, he does jobs for higher ranking people and he doesnt get paid to do their job, but he never complains. He is good to his privates, and treats them well, while also teaching them the history of the army, you know like a Sergeant is supposta do!
He wants to be a Recruiter and also wants to be a Basic Training Sergeant. He wants to do so many things and it irritates me that he might not get the chance to do them. I get that the Army is downsizing...I know how flooded it is with people, but its kinda their own damn fault at the same time, they should have had rules set up for things like that. Some people are not in this for the money or the benefits, and these people are going to be kicked out so some person with no wife or kids can stay in, because they have no where else to go. I dont know personally I think something is wrong with this picture.
I saw the look, and heard the sadness in his voice when he told me that he might not get to stay in. He is planning on talking to the recruiter himself to see if he can re-enlist, but it really bothers him that this dream of his might be coming to an end too soon. There is always him entering another branch of the Military, but he is an Army Boy and loves it! I honestly love it too.
Honestly why would I go through this if not to make him happy. I want him to be so happy! His smile takes my breath away. Honestly I love love love! being in love! I love putting a smile on this face!
Until he talks to the recruiter and figures out what we can do, I will be waiting very patiently. I know things will work out the way they are suppose to...even if it means ending his dream before it really begins.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I need a punching bag.

Honestly it would be a good investment. I am frustrated. I am sexually-deprived. I am alone. I am sad. I am furious.
Sometimes I wish it was LEGAL for me to knock the hell out of someone....see the pessimist inside of me coming out? Yepp!
I decided that today is Wednesday DUH and usually there are some posts called Pour Your Heart Out on these days...but I dont have time to wait to link-up or anything so I am just going to do it.I am going to call it my....

I need a damn punching bag!!

Yesterday I posted about my back problems, which I am so glad *The Annoyed Army Wife* offered for me to get a massage by her! Gladly going to take...but incase you read this I don't know your email. I worked from 9-5 and suffered through my back pain through most of the day. After a while though I did need a damn break, so I went to go get my little brother and I took him to run errands since he no longer has his license. After I was done I could tell I could no longer work, so I called my boss and told her I only had a few hours left and needed to go home, which she was fine with. 
I came home and the rest of the day sat on my butt. Naw. I actually only got to sit there for about an hour before I had to go to my Grandmothers and then after that I had to make dinner. So making dinner I suffered through the standing and the cleaning the dishes and everything just so I could sit down and watch the movie I bought that my brothers had already started playing! I finally get to sit down and my parents blue-ray player is messed up. Great.
After the movie, my mother who is also my boss, and I had a talk about me working the next day, we both knew I was in alot of pain, and very much needed the day to lay around and try to let my body rest. My 2 little brothers work for my mom and my one brother didnt have to work the next day, so I asked him to do me a huge favor and his reply was..."No, I was planning on going snowboarding with Marcus tomorrow.".....ok understandable so I knew my brother and I knew I would have to do a little begging, so I did. "I know Little Brother, but this back pain is so unbearable I can barelly walk or bend over at all, I have baby-sat the baby while you and Big Brother went snowboarding like 4 times already, and I need to take the day off so can you do me a favor and help me out here?".............."I really want to go snowboarding"  UGH! fine I gave up. I started crying knowing I couldnt go to work the next day, and my mother told me if it was hurting that bad in the morning that I should just stay home. Thank you!!...
By the end of the night it was getting too hard to get on and off the couch and I decided I should probably sleep on it, since I share a room with my sister right now, my tossing and turning would bother her all night. So I slept on the couch for maybe an hour, when someone ran through the house and turned on the lights, only to go back downstairs........I thought it was probably 5am because thats the time people in this house start to wake up for work. I burry my head in the covers and know that soon they will be gone and I can go back to sleep.............about 45 minutes later there was no movement. Yepp only 11:30. So I shut the lights off and try to fall back asleep. Then someone decides to watch TV.....I finally gave up on trying to get a decent nights sleep and went to my bed.
I woke up at 7:30 this morning to my other little brother whining about a sore throat...I immediately hope my mom has stood up for me and told him to deal with it. So I get up and walk down stairs and he is telling my mother how much he wishes he could I looked at him and said oh please! I cannot bend over and your not going to work because of a sore throat? and he immediately gave me the bird.....which I responded with the real words. I looked at my mother and she just stared at me, like nothing was wrong. I felt dooped...if thats how you even spell it. I now knew I was going to have to work, because its the holiday season and I honestly have the 2 most selfish brothers ever. Which I have very gladly said to their faces many times!!
Ugh looks like I am turning into another Annoyed Army Wife HA HA HA. I do need a punching bag.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Turning Pessimistic.

Its true. I think you all have seen the differences in my posts since Hubby left, I am getting less and less optimistic about it all. The things that will never change are....
  • Hubby maybe deployed, maybe missing me being preggo me...but he will be here for the 1st year and for the birth....and thats AWESOME!!
  • Working sucks, but its going to really help in the long run with the little one. Especially since I'll be a stay at home mom.
and....I think thats it. Its horrible. I feel less and less like myself everyday. I dont think I am changing too much least I hope not! I know I kinda have to give a little.
I have always had back problems, I get it from my naturally when I got pregnant I knew there would be back pain...but no joke you guys I never EVER thought it would be this early!!! I am having huge back pains! It hurts constantly and having a job where I am constantly on my feet and lifting things is horrible! I have told my mom (my boss..) that she needs to let up on me and give me more days off, because this week I have one day off, ya the money would be good....but I am more concerned with my baby's health and my health then a freaking paycheck right now. I know that I can take Tylenol, but I really am trying to avoid that as much as I can. I dont feel comfortable with putting lots of medication in my body. Tylenol is my last resort.
As optimistic as I can be about it is that, I want to buy the carseat and my play-pen with my own money, and not Hubbys. He is already planning on helping me buy all the furniture for the nursery, and I know thats alot of money. Plus a few months after he gets home we will be moving, so we already got a few expenses lined up and me having this job will help out so much with alot of things!
I really am going to try to not turn this blog into my pregnant blog. Its hard not to though when I feel completely absorbed into it. I guess alot of it also is me trying to avoid being boring. I am constantly taking mental notes all day thinking of my next blog.
My next blog tomorrow will not be about prego me. Promises....I do want to keep my lovely readers satisfied!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Overall picture

So after my post last night, I wrote Hubby an email and told him when he is off work, I need to talk to him. So he skyped me this morning, even though I threw off him gym schedule, and we talked.....well I talked about it. I cried it out, and let it all out. He told me that if I shouldn't worry so much about it, and I was freaking out over nothing, I could still go do something if I wanted to.He even suggested I go spoil myself all day, get a hotel and then we could skype before he heads to work.
Yes he was right. I told him that all I needed was to talk to him and let it all out, which he is fine with. I let him go to the gym, and told him to write me an email later since I had work.
In his email he put my head on straight and said "Our anniversary is about you and me, not you and your mom...I know your upset but its ok, dont worry about doing anything with anyone, just go treat yourself and we will have a skype date".
So it made me feel like 50,000 x's better!! He is right, its about us and no one else. Though I would love to go out to a nice fancy dinner, he is not here and it wont be the same. I might just get Pizza Hut because I am craving some stuffed crust pizza! Now more then ever I should satisfy these cravings right? :)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Get it all out.

So I feel stupid that I am using this blog as a outlet, but it can be pretty needed! I think all of our MilSpouse's know that sometimes you just need to get it out!!
First let tell you whats on my mind the most right now.
Right now, I am crying...on and off. Pretty much waiting for December to end. Which I don't understand too much because I want to enjoy this month. Its my doctors appts, its Christmas, and its my 1st Wedding Anniversary. It sucks to think that Hubby wont be here but I already knew and already prepared myself for it.
Right now (again with the right now's!) I am very very upset because about a week ago I found out that my family is having a reunion, which we never really have, that falls on December 30th and 31st...well the 30th is my Anniversary. So naturally I was not looking forward to it at all. Most of my mom's side of the family lives here in Utah so they are used to snow and all its crazy weather, but I got about I wanna say 17? that live in Arizona, and they are not used to the weather here at all. So right now all I can do is hope that no one comes up and complains to me about how life sucks in Utah....because believe me alot of things suck in my life right now, and the snow isnt one of them.
Well I was prepared to deal with this minor mis-happ, just because I knew there was the day before and I was so happy I would be able to do at least something! So I started looking at this really nice restaurant in the middle of downtown of Salt Lake City, and my mother said she would go with me....HA little to my surprise I mentioned it to my mom a few hours ago that Hubby told me I should go do it! Its kinda an expensive place so I wanted to make sure he would be fine with me doing something so big. My mother tells me my Aunt has all these plans for her and her siblings the days before, so I told her that because my Aunt was here the first week I moved back, and she blew me off for my Aunt then that I needed her to blow my Aunt off for me. Which I dont want to be rude about it because my Aunt does live in Arizona and thats why I was so understanding when she was here a month ago. But this makes me MAD, my mom knows the day I got married, she has known I wanted to do something special, and she couldnt say something to ANYONE about it. So I spent the last half hour of Desperate Housewives trying not to show my tears, which believe me is really hard when your hormonal, and I just dont know what to do with myself right now. I dont know if I should just go do something alone, or if I should not do anything at all. Honestly I considered boycotting the reunion...but that would show how awesome I am right?
All I have to say husbands deployed, and I am pregnant. Yeah I knew it was a HUGE possibility that I would be pregnant when he was away, and I am completely fine with that. Yes, I chose this life, I knew who my husband was before I married him, or even dated him. But really is there no one who really cares? Because I sure dont feel like they do.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

What a Suprise!

So all read on *This* blog I said I had sent one package before that one, and the address was wrong so I assumed he would never get it....well to my surprise he actually got it! So he now has sheets and a pillow and can stop sleeping in a sleeping bag! He was so stoked about getting it. But I have to show you what he exactly got!
BAH HAHAHA! I am the best wife ever!!! By the way...he did get a real pillow case!!
So now Hubby is all excited that he will have another pillow and more sheets just in case!  I just thought it was a cute little gag joke!! 

Friday, December 3, 2010

about freakin time!!!

So right now I am at work and dont have too much time to blog, so I sadly cannot participate in MilSpouse Friday Fill-In. But I thought I would let you all know something....
My husband has been a Promotable status for over a year, he passed the board when he was in Iraq last deployment and we have been very patiently waiting for him to get his Sergeant.
Well a few days ago, Hubby got the word....HE IS FINALLY GETTING IT!!
So today while I was sleeping at 0130 Iraqi time my husband finally got what he deserves!!! I am so so proud of him!!! Congrats hunny you deserve this!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Flat Daddies

Today while I was at work, a lady I live by came in and started talking to me about how Hubby was know all the questions you conversations are usually like this...
When did he leave? almost 3 weeks ago Yikes! So your just getting started? Obviously Yeah..Oh and your pregnant? wow can he come home for the birth? We are hoping so. Awe man that must be so hard. Just as hard as trying not to punch you in the face, thanks for asking.
Anyways! She had started talking to me about Parade magazine had an article on these things called *Flat Daddies*...a huge cardboard cut out of your deployed soldier. Now first when I heard this I entertained her by thinking it was so cool...but really found it kinda lame...especially when our child is the size of a orange seed. I would not need a flat daddy because I can see my babies daddy on Skype.
So a few hours later I decided to look up these things and see what the big fuss was about...apparently my mother had already heard of it and had planned on buying me one....not a clue why but OK. I was looking at all of the kids who have them, and they even had a little girl playing barbies with her daddys cardboard cut out. I found it quite adorable.
I have a family reunion this month...which I just found out falls on my 1st Anniversary....which is exactly how I wanted to spend it....surrounded by peoples kids and people whining about snow. Although I am blowing off everyone the day before because I am going to do something special damn it. So my mom decided she will buy one so we can have Hubby in our family pictures.
I told Hubby on Skype today and the grin on his face was priceless! He is so stoked to become a cut out! who knew!
I'll make sure to show you all when we get it :)

1st Care Package!!

Yesterday I was finally able to send Hubby his care package....though I did send one I think almost 2 weeks ago....HA I am dumb, I knew they would probably change the address but did it anyway and they did change it...Go Me!
So because of the base my hubby is on, literally does not have a PX he needs lots of things, which makes me feel needed! Everything can get sent over by helicopter to get to him, but sometimes it will just be easier for me to do it.
So he needed sheets and pillows which I was happy to buy for him! I bought him bright orange sheets! Probably stupid idea but I figured it would make him original! and since it was so close to the time I would have to send his Christmas and our Anniversary presents I just bought them and sent them too.
Obviously I cannot tell you what he is getting because my dear bubby reads this! BTW love you hunny!!
But I can show you everything he is getting...because its all wrapped up! So prepare hunny your getting alot of things!!
 Lots of little things :)
and all perfectly packed away for him :)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I got The Answers!

I thought I would only get a few questions and I was right, only 2 people asked me questions but they are very good ones!!
Lacey at *Guinn and Bare It* is one of my favorite bloggers! So I was really excited for her question which was...
Share some baby name ideas you have, and were they picked out when I was a kid?

 Hubby really has always wanted to name a boy after him so it would be: Paul Matthew ______ Jr.
which is fine with me. We decided that we would just call him Junior for short. I am not a fan of too many Matthews but maybe I will change my mind.
My girls name is super special to me, and I didnt even know I was going to pick this girl name until I found out I was pregnant. We originally had Marilyn picked out for our girls name, but a few hours I asked my tummy...Are You a Paul or a Marilyn?......right then I was like WRONG! I love the name Marilyn but it just seemed really bad! Hubby ended up agreeing with me. So for the next few weeks we went through a few names and narrowed it down to McKenzi and Emily. The middle name was sticking as Suzanne, because of my sister who passed away. After talking about it with my mom, I remembered my Great-Grandmother who I knew was named Emily, and I just kept thinking about it and realized.....its Emily! So if the baby is a girl she'll be names Emily Suzanne.

My second question was from Commited, over at *Commited to a Solider* who asked me 
What would my life be like if I didnt marry into the military? and what other goals do I have?

Well I wouldn't have met my husband with out the military, so my life would be a drastic change! I actually had always kinda known the military would be in my life, I dated a boy in the Air Force, and a guy in the Army before, but they both never worked out. So I would have actually joined the Army. Crazy to think about that now! But I honestly couldn't tell you what would of happened between Hubby and I, as far as meeting each other.
The other goals I have are really simple, I plan to visit every state! I would love to do it! Its such an adventure, and right now my biggest goal is trying to prepare to be a good mom. I have always wanted to travel the world, and it seems as if I married into the right profession because we can do that. Which makes me very happy, and I am being very patient about it.
So far the states I have been to are....Utah, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, California, Arizona, Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Hawaii, Texas, and Maine!

Monday, November 29, 2010


So I know I didnt tell most of you but I actually started working 2 weeks ago. Its been really nice to be back at work, and is a HUGE escape away from my home, which as you all know sucks right now. I work in the shipping industry....GAG. No worries though not for the post office.
I have really enjoyed feeling like I contribute a lot more then just sitting around. I have no one to take care of right now, besides myself and although after the baby comes I will not be working again, right now I feel like I am doing my part. I am planning on buying the carseat and play pen with my own money, and when I get back to Fort Riley and Hubby is home we will go buy the furniture together. I think he should have a part in some of these things.
Working does make my days go by a lot faster, since I have never wanted to go to never interested me, and I guess I am old fashioned, I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them myself and always have dinner ready for Hubby when he gets home....or at least started. I dont find it degrading by any means. My mom stayed home with me and my little brother and we both have a really close relationship with her now.
Anyways....I am realizing my life is getting really boring! and so it makes it hard to blog because I am working or sitting at home now a days. I thought maybe I would see if anyone has questions for me...I realize I don't have too many followers but one goal I had in starting this blog is that I would try to be as personal with my readers as I could.
All you got to do, is just leave me a comment under this blog post and I will answer it tomorrow night. I hope I get a few but if not its ok. I hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


So this is obviously the 2nd post of the day...but I feel the need to blog it all out again. I think writing is my therapy because it sure feels good to stomp out all my feelings on the keyboard....but I am not really pounding on the keyboard I know that, that is bad for the laptop. AHHH.
I love music a lot, I get it from my daddy, we both can listen to music for hours and never get you can imagine that right now I actually got my music going. Its drowning out the sounds of the 9 family members in my family, leaving me here to concentrate on what I want and what I need.
I have been debating back and forth on moving back to Fort Riley, because I am super stressed here, and its not very easy being here with so many people. It would be so easy to do, if I didn't have a little person inside of me growing. I guess I kicked into full mommy mode because I would absolutely love to just leave after the holidays and go back to spending time with other Army Wives, who's husbands are with mine. I have one army wife friend here, and sadly we have not been able to hang out yet because of conflicting work schedules. But anyways back to my point, I have to constantly be thinking about whats best for my baby, and honestly I have never had to do anything like this! I am so excited to be a mother, although I admit I am absolutely terrified about the birth!
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I miss my own space. I know the money we will be saving is great especially for the baby to get nice new things. I just wonder if this is worth it. I wont be living in my own area for about 4 or even 5 more months, and right now I need my own damn space. I hate that its totally a possibility I will bring a baby into the world, bring the baby home and have to share a room with my little sister still.
The option to moving back to Fort Riley is there for me. I know my husband wants me to stay here to be near family, but I can tell you...I have had 4 other wives tell me to come back because they will be there for me, in the delivery room if Hubby isnt here. I have the FRG who has already reached out to help me.
I love my family I do. But I really don't think being back here is right now for me, or for my baby especially if I am this stressed out.
I know this is just another bitch session post...but I need help. I have no idea what I need to do. Any Suggestions?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

T-Shirt freak.

So I am a bit of a weirdo when it comes to supporting my husband, I am constantly looking at things to buy to show how proud I am of him, and more things to show that I am indeed a milspouse and to not mess with me ;)
I ordered a few shirts a few weeks ago because I didn't have any regular t-shirts that just said Army Wife on them, I know a lot of people think its clique or whatever but I don't really care, I think its fun to wear them and show my pride!
Hubby has always thought it was cute that I wear them, though I don't wear them when he is in his uniform because it looks goofy to me. I found some really cute baby ones and maternity ones I want to buy later on. I really especially like one that says "Daddy's Gift To Mommy Before Deployment" which is obviously so true!
I get my t-shirts from CAFE PRESS and when I received my shirts they looked amazing! They don't look tacky or look like the design will peel or stretch out! Which matters to me a lot because I had huge tata's and hate when my t-shirt designs stretch out!
Another thing I wanted to show you guys was what I threw in with my Christmas cards, since I didnt know I was pregnant when I ordered them I threw in a little card to announce to everyone that we are!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Today. Was. Sweet.

I got to do some chopping :)
I got to talk to my hubberkins.
Who is now at his final destination in Iraq
and absolutely loved his helicopter ride to it.
I got to talk to my sweet sweet nephew living in Sweden.
My Niece and Nephew got to come up for the weekend.
Gave my cute little nephew a Mohawk...never done a baby one before.
Which then later his mom cut his hair.
Made my own creme of mushroom soup for my green bean cassarole..
which sadly I couldn't eat.
Also made deserts....
But baby had other plans and all I tasted was metal.
Hoping I can stay up past 10pm
It's been a while since I have seen that old friend.
I miss you.

Thankful for You

I had to write a quick post before my dad needs me in the kitchen....looking forward to cutting some things up! I miss chopping :(
Anyways so this is now Hubbys and Mines 2nd Thanksgiving apart, we were lucky to spend it together last year.
I wanted to write a post on how very thankful I am for him and his sacrifice he is making....and yes you can imagine I will bawl through this whole thing.....I blame the hormones.

You might never get to see how I rant about what a wonderful person you are. How I tell countless people that your my hero, or how badly I miss you at night, but I always remember how many people are thankful for what you are doing for this country, and how thankful I am to have met you.
Time apart is hard. Time apart we know makes us stronger. 
I am so so happy I married you, and I am so so happy that your the one I choose to have a family with. Your my dream boat....cheesy huh! Your smile makes me smile because I know your so happy! 
I love hearing about you talk about the baby, it feels like your here with me. Your the best thing thats ever happened to me. I know our little one will be so proud of you!!
Your sacrifice is huge, and the fact that you love doing what you do makes me even more proud of you! I could not imagine being more proud of you then I am right now! I know it can be a struggle and I know its hard, but I will always be right here waiting for you. 
I am the most thankful for you. You pick me up when I am down, you rub my head when I am sick, you cuddle me just when I need it, you would do anything to make me happy and I am so so grateful for you. 
I love you very very much!! Happy Thanksgiving Darling!
Love, Yammie Pie 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010



Ya I did just quote Rhianna's song. I need help litterally send out the SOS's and find sticks to spell out HELP in the sand, shoot some flares in the air....SOMETHING because I am stuck!

My 1st married anniversery is December 30th, and I just got an email from my FRG saying that we need to send out our Christmas packages by the 5th. So because it is so damn close to Christmas I was going to just send it all together. But was not prepared to think about sending it that early.

Last deployment I sent it early anyways since I did the 12 days of Christmas, yes it was cute but man was it expensive! So now I am thinking about what to get him for christmas and the anniversery before I was ready...I have absoutly no idea what to get him for our anniversery!!!

I know I shouldnt feel awful, but I do. What can I get him? there is like nothing that I can think of that he wont have to bring back with him. Little keepsakes to wear sounded cute but I know he cannot wear them...LAME. I need ideas. I am stuck.

Sending out this SOS....anyone gonna hear it?

2 Wording-less Wednesdays


 Yeah....storm of the century..

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


If you havent heard yet, there is a giant ass snow storm heading into the Wasatch mountains, or a huge blizzard...or to alot of people the end of all man kind as we know it.
No joke they have it all over the news how nuts people are going to buy food...just in case. I thought black friday was horrid.
First I should show you what it looked like today...because I do live in a valley, so snow really sucks in my town...and yes I took this today because I am the bee's knees.
Very pretty. I gotta say Utah is very pretty in the winter. Sorry that I took this while driving, just too pretty to pass up.
And now My front yard looks like this.....
Looks pretty.....but deadly...this is about to get 10x's worse.
But I am not freaking out, though I would love to be snowed in with a hot ass soldier...sadly I might be snowed in with my family, but snow me in....I dont care, no work for me! :)

Monday, November 22, 2010


You all should go check out KELSEY'S BLOG where she did an interview on me. It was really fun and shes one of my favorite bloggers! I enjoyed it alot. I am pretty sure I was her first Army Wife interview...but I could be wrong.
Other then that today was supposta be my first day back at work.....but am I there? Nope. My mother is going to be my boss, and my sister-in-law had to work, my mother had to work, my brother had to work, and so did my who was baby sitting the baby?? No one. So who got to baby-sit? Me. No joke you guys I have been thrown into unofficial baby-sitter, doesn't matter because I am happy to get in some practice before my little one comes. I also finally got to skype with my hunny, I missed his face! We dorked around like we always do. I am very lucky to have such a dork! Anyways. I dont have much to report so I'll let you guys enjoy your manic monday.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Good Ol Fashioned B*tch Session

 I apologize for this, but its very well needed.

So I have been at home for almost a week....I havent enjoyed it as much as I thought I would. I really miss having my own space, and being able to watch whatever I want on TV, as well as cooking my own meals.
Right now I am living with my 2 parents, 3 Brothers, 1 Sister, 1 Sister-in-Law, and 1 Nephew so plus me that makes 9 people living in a 5 bedroom home with 2 1/2 bath. My parents house is a larger house...not a mansion by any means but we arn't all living in cupboards, and I knew the situation before hand that it was gonna be a little cramped...but freakin A!!
My little mini laptop is not hooked up to the wireless internet right now because its got so much crap on it, that Hubby gave me before he deployed, that I can't do anything with it leaves 2 laptops up in the house available for use..which always seem to be in one of my brothers hands, because if one is dying he needs the other one. So when I am lucky I am not stuck writting my emails on my blackberry, I learn to take full advantage of it...honestly 1st of January could not come fast enough for me to get my own bigger and nicer laptop. I need it!!
I got another brother...who I am not even a big fan of, I didn't talk to him or see him for about 6 years at one point, anyways! He knows I am hormonal, he knows he is the black sheep of the family (not just me who thinks that) and although I try to give him a break, because he does get picked on a lot, he seems to really want to make his mark in the family on the wrong person....and I am the wrong person. This brother and I have a really bad past, and for him to pick on me is so not ok! I am already hormonal, and my husbands deployed so I am really the wrong person to mess with. So when he gets after me which least 4+ times daily he is getting me back firing with you guessed it.....FIRE! plus my family backing me up and telling him to leave me alone really works.
I really miss living on my own...I know this is the right thing so I am not alone, especially when I am knocked up with a Hubby deployed, plus we will be saving lots more, which we now really need. Its better for me to stay....but let me just say......I cannot wait to move into my Grandmothers home in February so I can have my own damn room!
Grateful for all that I have, honestly. But Honestly wanting to go back to FR. Thats all for my bitch session. :)

Walking In A Freakin' Wonderland

I love Utah...honestly its not as bad as everyone thinks it is...its not some black hole in the USA, its not filled with crazy people...its actually very beautiful, alot of people I have met over at FR have told me that they have drove through it and loved it. I honestly sometimes cannot stand it here...but its usually because I grew up here and I honestly live "Where Everybody Knows Your Name"...never was a big Cheers fan.

Well anyways, today I woke up to this.....

Beautiful and amazing!! But not looking forward to when this wears off and becomes a pain in the ass.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

weekend over.....?

So my weekend got an early it had to end early.....damn it.

It started really good with going to a concert called Trans-Siberian Orchestra...which if you haven't heard of are missing out! They do Rock N' Roll Christmas music and their show is absolutely amazing! This was my 4th year in a row going, which next year I obviously wont be able to go, but all things must come to an some point. I really enjoyed the concert alot, I was way worried someone would be a jerk and hit me by accident...see very protective already, but once I let go and had fun it was a blast! Though I did have to get up and get food...because thats one of my joys of pregnancy if you dont eat your gonna puke or gag till you do.
If you have never heard them click HERE and you can watch a youtube video on them...I did take a few videos at the concerts but I am really lazy and dont feel like uploading them right now...but let me know if you want to see them.
On Friday I was so stoked because you guessed it!!!! HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1, came to me and said "I have a dream...that you will love that you read these books, and know the damn ending"  because honestly, I loved the movie...but if you did not read the books, your gonna want to!!
I love Harry Potter, so sad that this is coming to an ending..but I cannot wait for my little one to watch it with me!

Hubby is still not at his destination yet...though he is pretty anxious. He has sent me a few questions a day in emails about the baby, pretty basic questions...but one shocked me the most...
Do I have to change diapers???
Of course I wrote back DUH!! Its so cute to see him all excited and I am pretty ready for R&R to be here so I can finally have him!! I am only 1 week in and ready for him to be home. I miss him like crazy...honestly it makes me wonder if he should re-enlist, but I keep reminding myself he is happy with his job, he is happy to support me, he loves what he is doing, and a year is not that long. But I am hella hormonal, my tata's are killing and if I could drink a lake I would! and I know those are contributing to these feelings.

Heres some pictures of the concert, and like I said if you want to see the videos I did let me know and I'll be happy to upload them. Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

YAY its Friday!! So go over to Wife of a Salior and link up!!

1. If you had to be shipwrecked on a deserted island, but all your human needs – such as food and water – were taken care of, what two items would you want to have with you?
Oviouslly my husband, can't go anywhere without him! and I would need my ipod. I love music.

2. If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have?
Ranch, because its classic and the only one I like.

3. If you had to live on a ranch, what kind of animals would you raise/own?
Horses!! I love them!

4. If your life was was portrayed as a movie, who would you choose to play you and your significant other?
for me honestly I have not one idea!! I dont know of any actresses that resemble me or even have a personallity like me. For my husband....Leo Dicario...I love his eyes just like my hubbys!!

5. What was the last thing you put a stamp on (envelope, duh, but what was in the envelope)?
Probably a Bill....nothing new :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010


You all know a few weeks ago I did the Shutterfly post for 50 free Christmas Cards! Well I recived them a few days ago and look how amazing they look!!

The quality is amazing!! I was worried because of the baby but I am gonna throw a little thing in the envelope that says we are expecting.
Gotta go now I am baby sitting my nephew! He's tired!! lol.

What am I Thankful for?

Well right now I am very thankful that Hubby and I can conceive on our own. I had a cousin who couldn't and for 12 years did everything she could to get pregnant, ended up doing invetro, I think twice and finally had a baby after 3 miscarriages.
It makes me really grateful that even if things dont work out with this pregnancy that we can try again, and if it works out this time we will at least have one child to call our own. I am also very happy that we didnt end up with kids from someone else, I have seen what my ex sister-in-law is doing to my brother and my nephew, since she dragged him across the country to Maine for a year and then moved to Sweden with him, and I am just so glad we wont have to put up with that! Those things alone make me so thankful for.

For everything else, right now its 6:40 am, and I woke up around 5:15 because I felt really thirsty...something I am assuming the baby needs because I am needing a drink almost every half hour. So I wake up and walk around in the dark and start feeling sick....yepp, SICK! I havent thrown up yet, and I know its coming because I do feel the sickness a little bit, just not enough to make me throw up right now.
Hubby wrote me on my FB wall and told me what he needed, which was pretty basic. Sheets, Pillows, Toiletries...which surprised me he didnt just say bathroom things. I didnt plan on sending him anything for a while, since I wanted to get the books he wanted in the mail and then send him his Christmas package, which I still have no idea what to get him!, but looks like I'll be making a run to the store and post office.
I turned my FB alerts off on my phone, which is smart since now I am not constantly checking it, and not being interrupted in the middle of the some pointless crap!
I have not posted on my FB that I am pregnant...I think a little bit of me is pissed at the 3 family members who already posted it as their status's, so then naturally I have alot of just friends I went to High School with asking me if I I dont answer, because honestly its none of their business! I had to tell my blog readers though because I love the support you all give me!! Right now I am enjoying not telling alot of people...because I have not seen the doctor yet, I dont have to answer questions I dont know. Right now the people who need to know, know and thats just fine with me. I dont want to get overly excited because I know the risks and I dont want to have to explain myself to 500 people if something does happen....not that I would anyways!
Ok everyone so I leave you with this............

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
-- Oprah Winfrey

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


So some of you might be wondering what this blog title means.... well I'm going to tell you in a little bit...

I am back in what most people call this state as "where the mormons live" aka "Zion" aka Utah. Nope not harpen on mormons I was raised one. But I am here and getting back to being used to the mountains.

I don't start my old job again till next week, which makes me pretty happy, because I have so much to do!! No joke either...wrestling with TriCare sucks! I have been on the phone with them at least 5 times today..and hopefully I filled out the paper work correctly...if not...prepare for another blasting blog about how life sucks.

Hubby called me last night and we got to talk for about 20 minutes which made me pretty happy, I needed his phone call after all that driving and stressing. I looked at his picture today and just thought about how hot my hubberkins is! I miss his face and his laugh alot. Cant wait for him to get to his final destination so I can skype with him. Right now he is on lock down because he is being moved to another part of Iraq to do more training. He gets to ride a helicopter to his final destination and its so cute to hear him talk about how excited he is to ride it!
He did have to make changes to his R&R plans because I am......

I have had a feeling for about a week before Hubby left and I told him I thought we should buy a test and see, but he didn't want me to be disappointed once again and then also have him be deploying...which he was right....but so wrong! I woke up at 4 am the day after Hubby left and took the test....yeah I couldn't fall back asleep, I ran out of the room so I would be surprised by the results (which by the way was better seeing it in words then a little plus sign because I KNEW!). I prepared for the negative but just had that feeling...went back into the bathroom and tried to not look directly at it and see if there was 2 words or one....well there was only one word...I did a double take and saw the little words Pregnant. I immediately jumped for joy and said out loud "I'm Gonna Be A Mommy!!".
After a few minutes every fear set inside me. I didnt want to tell anyone tell I could talk to Hubby but knowing it could be a long time, I decided I should call my mom and let out my irrational fears. She told me to go buy another one (because the second test didnt work) and so I did. I took them both again and ran away from the test..then I saw the little words Pregnant again! I knew right then it wasn't a faulty test or a false positive. We decided not to tell anyone (but she did tell my mom cant keep a secret), and I waited for Hubby to call me, which I was lucky I didn't have to wait more then about 20 hours...which was killing me not to talk about!
He called me in a little bit of shock, he was supposta call me first, and I did email him the picture of the positive pregnancy tests, and he checked his email before calling me! So when I said "I have some news for you!!" he just said "yeah I know.................uhhh so now what?" It was pretty cute to me to hear how shocked he was. He really did not believe I was pregnant before he left. But the next call he told me how he went around and told EVERYONE that I was pregnant and that his shit works LOL! I talked to him last night and we decided we hate our girls name that we picked out before which was Marilyn, I still like the name it just doesnt feel right anymore. So I am just looking and looking.
I am trying to be excited but excited with caution, I know the first few weeks can be pretty risky and your chance at miscarrying is much higher. I did already buy Hubby 2 books so he can read up on whats going on in my tummy. I bought myself a 40 Week Calender and I need to buy my What to Expect When Your Expecting...which by the way I had no idea they had a daddys version of it called What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding. I am going too fast I think...but honestly its hard not to be excited.
I bought my prenatal vitamins, kicked my soda habit, started drinking vitamin waters, taking DHA, and eating a lot healthier.
I did a few due date calculaters to see what my due date would be and you guessed it!! They all said....

July 19, 2011

I know its not 100% offical but it means I will have a July baby to me and that makes me really excited! (right now) its due exactly 2 months after I turn 22. 
I am still working on getting TriWest to get their butts in gear and I know I wont see a doctor for a few weeks but I am just so excited!!! I hope everything goes well, I already love this baby so much and cannot wait to meet him or her! 
I started writing a journal for Hubby to read while I am pregnant...I am also buying a Flip camera to record my doctors visits for him!  I have not felt sick too much...just a little nausea here and there, so I can tell its coming. I have noticed I am very loosed lipped right now and just kinda let it all go, I can blame it on the hormones right? 

We made a beautiful baby together!!
So happy it was with him!!
  If anyone has advice for me GIVE IT! I need all that I can get!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Made It

I made it to the promise land........and now I want to go back.
This deployment feels about 50x's more real. Not only that I went from living in my own home, to living in a room with my least for a few months then I am moving into my grandmothers.
I had a huge issue with my friend driving my car...not only did she put her life at risk with speeding through a rain/snow/wind storm through Wyoming, she risked mine and MY cars! I finally got her to her own home and took off to see my mom at work, where I was greeted with my co-workers! I have a job again.....weird.
I came home to my 2 brothers unwilling to help me move anything into my house. I cannot lift heavy things right now and so I was a little irriated and used some slurred words. I took my suitecase and backpacks up stairs and completly broke down! I bawled my eyes out and just needed my husband.
It really has been a huge shock for me, and I kinda wish I had stayed but there is no point in doing that now. Fort Riley is too far away! (yes we were stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas) and the weather sucks!!! At least this way we will be saving some money up. Because we will need it!!
I feel completly into this deployment and I am not liking it. I forgot what it felt like to miss a phone call...or two. Its just a little weird...I know we all get used to it and life moves on, but I am still waiting for that.
My friend took a picture of Hubby and I right before he left and I thought I would show it to you all...I am really missing his face so much.....
Anyone got any advice for me as far as living at home and starting my first married deployment?

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