Wednesday, February 19, 2014

life with two!

Wow you guys! I've been a Mom of 2 for almost 6 weeks... and its been crazy!! For anyone that thinks their new newborn will be just like their first... let me laugh in your face for a moment... HAHAHA!! Don't fool yourself! I did that. But before I explain that reasoning I have to say life has been nuts. I mean NUTS!!

Evelyn was a perfect newborn... never cared to be held all the time, loved being on her own, in her on bed. Perfect on schedule... I mean perfect! I could get all my chores done, and she'd be content in her swing. Valerie... shes a pretty good newborn, but she's very demanding. Pick her up, not later... NOW! Hungry? Wait a moment?...NEVER! I swear most of the time its pretty good... but with a toddler who want's Mommys attention too, its a little difficult!

I've had alot of people tell me they admire how together I seem... and I can only think in the back of my head "oh no no no no please no! don't let me fool you into thinking this is easy!". I love that so many people think I am doing so great, it boosts my self esteem so much! But I'd hate to fool anyone into thinking I have a handle on things... I really don't.

I'm learning, and I'm not fond on learning how to handle this. When P is home, I can do it like a pro! But when he is not... its hard. I won't lie. Evelyn loves her sister, but Evelyn also knows that when Mom is busy nursing Valerie that she can probably get away with murder. Throw her toys everywhere... on it! Pick them up... its a fight to the death!! Evelyn was a pro at picking up her toys when I was pregnant... after words, it takes forever and sometimes a day to pick up just one toy... finally we took all but 5 little toys away from her, because we can't stand the two full boxes of toys being thrown all over and her refusing to pick them up.

We hear we are a little strict with her... but it usually works for her.

Evelyn also refuses to eat dinner or nap now. Its just fun!

Its a lot of work... but even when I feel like I am loosing this battle of trying to make everyone adjusted, on a schedule, little things like this happen...

And then its then... I remember. My house doesn't need to be spotless, I don't need to have the answers, and the days of fighting to make them both nap will be gone all too soon. These are the moments that matter, and although it may mean we have cereal for dinner and P might have to wear a dirty shirt to PT, as long as these two girls are happy and healthy... nothing else matters! If I raise them to be decent human beings, I have done my job! Sure, it's hard sometimes but they are worth every single second!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Dylan Farrow

I don't know if it's just me or the rest of the blogging world.. but I seem to keep up on entertainment news a lot lately. I think half of it is trying to stay awake during late night nursing sessions or the fact that I'm always curious about how the other half live. But in the recent weeks I have read a lot of articles on Woody Allen and his daughter Dylan who alleges he abused her at a young age. Some of those commenting on it are saying she told the truth, others are saying she's lying, other then that I just have an opinion on it....

Why do people feel they need to have an opinion on someone else's sexual abuse? This is coming out at a national stand point... so many people having opinions on it. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and I can tell you if it had come out to the world what had happened, I'd be mortified! I am not one to hide what happened... its part of me and it's effect who I am as a mother and human being. I couldn't imagine if I had people publicly coming out and calling me a liar.

Anyone who's ever reported their sexual abuse knows that there will always be someone out there who think's you're lying... because really does sexual abuse ever happen? That's people's mind sets... that it doesn't happen, you are lying, your trying to get back at someone, you're a slut anyways... really the list goes on, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard someone say some of those things to me.

I don't think anyone who's never really cared about sexual abuse probably doesn't realize how often it does happen. Most never get reported or fall through the system. Only one of my abusers ever got convicted. I read a statistic that said only 3 in 100 abusers ever spend time behind bars. I have to assume it's because most victims are scared to face their abusers. Can you blame them?

I don't want to comment too much on what happened to Dylan.. weather it's true or not, only she will ever know. It's no ones business to comment on what happened because it's clear they were not there. I doubt she'd ever even read this... but I am truly sorry for what has happened to her. I am sorry that she has to face the comments and criticism of others. But she's also helping others who have been or are being abused, to speak up and not listen to the critics that will call them liars. Those who've been abused in anyway should not feel the need to run and hide from what has happened. I applaud her for standing up for herself and not being scared of the criticism. You are a brave woman!
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