Paranoia!

This has been kind of a rough last few weeks for me. As my due date approaches and nesting quickly sets in for me, I find myself feeling VERY unprepared. The girl has all the basic's and a few extras, and a few more things on the to-do list that aren't expensive.

This pregnancy is way different then when I was pregnant with Evelyn. With Evelyn, I was living at home, P was deployed, I could pretty much buy what I wanted with that extra money... so I was pretty prepared when I entered into the single week count down. This go around... I have been bargain shopping like a mad woman since I found out I was pregnant. I've gotten a lot of the things I need PLUS the added bonus of things I really wanted.

When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I had weird dreams all the time... this time, only a few here and there. But this time, I am having dreams about going into labor SUPER early. I'm talking like any day now type of early. I'm to the point where I almost feel the need to pack up a hospital bag it's freaking me out so badly.

I made arrangements with a good friend here and she's willing to take Evelyn whenever I go into labor. My Mom's flight is booked, and she'll be here a few days after Christmas. I only need a few more things for myself for the hospital and first few weeks, but I still can't shake this feeling I am having.

I hope its just me freaking out about becoming a mommy of two, and not a real serious thing. I know the dangers of having a baby earlier, especially in the colder months.

The funny thing about my dreams is that even though I am "in labor", no one believes me! Not even the hospital. I even find myself waking up from the dreams grasping onto a hard belly. I'm just not sure, and there is no way to even be sure!

P and I have been doing great and preparing my body for labor & delivery. Lots of stretching, lots of breathing exercises and when I'm up for it we go for a long walk. (usually I can't walk too long or far without some Braxton Hicks contractions). When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I avoided almost all of that, because I NEEDED P to be here for Evelyn's birth... worked out pretty good for us, since he was there. But I wonder if all this preparing will also make labor happen earlier this go around... I was over due by a day with Evelyn, and I was induced. This go around, no induction unless needed... and lets face it... I'm actually sexually active with my husband this go around... so who knows if that will stir anything up.

Now my belly and body are getting all nervous just thinking about it all! AHH!

I'm going to stop talking about it for now. Tomorrow I am 31 weeks. 9 more to go people!!

30 Weeks!

Yesterday I hit the big mark!! 30 weeks means a lot, because I am into single number weeks until this little girl arrives... hopefully! I'm hoping to not go past my due date again, but I'm sure I will. Its getting crazy real now! Her room is almost complete, I just need a few more random things for her and I am stoked!

I'm a little bummed that it seems like I won't be getting a shower this go around... I'm not sure if I feel like its tacky to have a shower for your second, but really it would have been helpful for a few things. But I have been lucky enough to find lots of great deals on used items, so I can't complain too much :)


How far along: 30 weeks!

Total weight gain: At my last appointment I am still -2 lbs.

Size and growth of the baby: According to my baby apps, she should be about 15 inches long, and about 3 pounds. Geeze!

Sex: It's a Girl!

Maternity clothes: I wear sweats and dresses... unless I have to wear regular pants.

Sleep: It varies night to night. But usually pretty good, with a few times getting up to use the restroom.

Best moment(s) of the week: Evelyn being in love with my belly :)

Food cravings/aversions: I haven't had steady cravings this pregnancy... it varies.

Morning sickness: GONE! WOO!

Labor signs: Braxton hicks and that's it.

Belly button in or out: In!

What I miss: regular sleep. No back pain.

What I'm looking forward to: The trunk or treat with Evelyn tonight, then one on Monday, and then Halloween!! This time of year is my favorite!!

 

The downside to Germany... for me.

The process of us moving to a new country has only just begun. We are in the baby stages, getting the little things done, preparing for the big things. Its a huge process to move, but move to another country... its a bigger list of things to do. I am getting excited about going, and although P has his hopes up about visiting every. single. place. I am being more realistic about it.

One thing that isn't far from my mind is being away from family. You see, I am a BIG family person. I always have adored my brothers and sister, niece and nephews, and as of growing out of that teenager attitude my parents fit into that category now. I am not very happy about missing out on lives and get togethers... I have been pretty lucky since getting married, that I have been home for some good events at home. Sadly I've missed a friends funeral, and a few family emergencies... and P's and mines goal was to move closer so that I could be more included on those things, especially while he is away.

I have had to come to the realization that moving to Germany, although it will be an amazing experience and I know it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, that I will miss out on things... a lot of things.

I have a Grandpa with Alzheimer's and I am positive that if he is not gone by the end of the 3 years in Germany, that he will have no idea who I am. I have become very close to my Grandpa in the last few years, and he has opened up to me a lot about his military experience in the Korean War. Its hard to think he may pass away while I am gone, or forget who I am. I've cried about that a few times. Its inevitable.

I know that I am lucky to move... but I don't think any move is that easy for anyone. You can be so excited... but there's always going to be that one downside. This is mine.

I don't like the thought of knowing when I get back that my nephew will be graduating high school... that my niece and nephew will be in high school! I'm missing out on huge points in their lives, and although they know their Aunt Lizzy, it really bothers me to know that I'll be missing out. My youngest nephew and Evelyn just adore each other... and they won't get that cousin experience I had growing up with my own cousins... and that sucks! The baby will be 3 when Germany is done, and although I am sure I'll make a few trips home, my brothers and the grandparents will be missing out on her growing up.

Thank god for technology.

I'm so glad that P and I are getting this experience, and so are our girls. Who would have thought that a little girl from a town in Utah would be moving to Europe! I certainly didn't see this in my future, but I am excited to have the experience.

I know it will be hard to be away.. and I'll have to find some great ways to be involved in the kid's lives, and it will be the same on their end. It's no fun to miss out on huge family events and even the sad events that happen. I always want to be there for my family, but I'm so glad they have all made it so much easier on me and are so supportive of us. Its going to be really hard, but I know it will work out, and hopefully nothing really bad happens while I am away. Maybe I'll get lucky and all of them will take a vacation to see us... haha yeah right! I can dream though can't I?

Finally Some Fun!

I have felt really bad the last few months. Summers in the South are seriously awful! The humidity is horrid, the heat is overpowering and unless you're getting in a body of water, its really not that great! I'll also be honest about something... I don't handle heat very well at all! I can't stand being stuck to my clothes, drinking so much water which then leads to peeing every 5 minutes. I just suck at Summer. On top of the regular summer issues, I was also pregnant this year... I've been pregnant in the summer before, but I was 7 months along by the time it started to get hot, and it didn't bother me one damn bit to not leave the house. Now I have Evelyn... so not leaving the house isn't always an option... but still, if we didn't get out early in the morning, or be going to the pool.. we didn't spend much time outside. I'm lucky she's two and doesn't really care. But still this summer wasn't a fun one.

Finally here in good ol' NC it has cooled down! I haven't seen the sun in maybe 2 weeks, and I don't care! Evelyn and I are out having fun almost every single day! Its been a blast to be out with her. I think P has been enjoying that we are getting out too.

The last few weekends we have had trips to the parks, pumpkin patches, painting pumpking, carving pumpkins... I mean really we have had fun! I'm even more so in the mood to get her doing more things indoors when I am busy cleaning or whatever else I need to do. You can definitely see a difference with Evelyn in how she feels.

I could really beat myself up about not being active this summer, but I can only do so much. Having morning sickness and chasing a toddler was ALOT! Plus keeping up on all my household duties... sometimes it just was hard enough to stay awake because I was so exhausted. I was lucky enough that P helped pick up the slack, and Evelyn was very patient in waiting for Mommy to feel better. Now that its cooler and I am feeling loads better, except for a few Braxton hicks here and there, we will be getting out lots more before baby comes and we are limited to doing too much again. I am so glad I can make things up to her as time goes on and she's just as happy as can be about it.

cherish the moments.

I gotta say... that title is something I have a very hard time doing, especially lately. I have been so frustrated with my toddler and her terrible twos that I am almost projecting them onto other people. I've even contemplated losing a few friends because I can't stand that they don't know how hard it is for me to have Evelyn all day and be pregnant.

I realize exactly how ridiculous that statement sounds. Lets face it, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Its no one's fault that Evelyn is testing boundaries and that I am tired and more easily frustrated then I usually am.

Yesterday was one of my hard days... and I tell you, it was bad. I was so frustrated that after punishing Evelyn and getting after her for not listening and just flat out horrible behavior, I just sat down and bawled my eyes out. Evelyn kept telling me that it was ok and that I was indeed crying, and it cheered me up a bit. Finally I text P and told him that I was quitting the day, that he would be coming home to a wife on the couch and a toddler in front of the TV. Luckily he was super nice about it, and just knew I needed to stop. I mean we all reach that breaking point at one point or another where we just need to stop. We need to do it for our own sanity! Nothing wrong with that either.

This morning I woke up, and while laying in bed checking FB and other social media sites I learned that a member of my church just found out her son has cancer. This little boy is maybe...7, they just moved away at are in Utah visiting family when they found out the news, and that he will be starting Chemo this morning. As I laid there thinking about them and how they must be feeling when I did what I think almost everyone does... you think about what if that was your child. The ache in your heart gets worse, your heart breaks for that family a little more, and then I realized how if I had just found out Evelyn was sick that I would have just had a horrible day with her where I wasn't happy with her and her behavior... and that made me sick to my stomach.

I know its ok to have moments with your child that aren't perfect, and that we all need down time and moments of relaxing when your child is just not behaving.

So after a moment to letting that settle in, I could hear Evelyn playing in her room, for once she didn't climb in my bed this morning, so I called for her to come to me and she came running in my room with the sweetest smile and said "hi mama!", I held my arms out to her and she jumped right into them, I brought her up into my bed and laid her next to me and began to tell her how much I loved her, and as she always does she respond with "you too *kiss*", and I told myself that today will be a better day, if not for me then for this family who has a long journey ahead of them.

28 Weeks!

Its been 8 weeks since my last update! WOOPS! dropped the ball this pregnancy.

How far along: 28 weeks!

Total weight gain: At my last appointment I am still -2 lbs.

Size and growth of the baby: Size of an Eggplant

Sex: It's a Girl!

Maternity clothes: I wear sweats and dresses... unless I have to wear regular pants.

Sleep: Its pretty much horrible now.

Best moment(s) of the week: Getting the room more put together.

Food cravings/aversions: Apple Pie. Milky Way. Pepsi.

Morning sickness: GONE! WOO!

Labor signs: Braxton hicks and that's it.

Belly button in or out: In!

What I miss: not waddling. and also feeling better, I've been sick all week.

What I'm looking forward to: finishing up her room soon!

 

How I ended up co-sleeping...

I have never wanted to co-sleep... I really didn't. When I was pregnant with Evelyn and I was living at home, my brother and his wife were co-sleeping with their son. I saw the good, the bad and all the in-between with co-sleeping. Because my nephew was almost one when I moved home, I didn't see it as a big deal...but the farther it went the more I saw it as an inconvenience. To this day my nephew is 3 1/2 and is still in bed with them. I've never ever minded Evelyn sleeping in bed with us on certain occasions such as her being sick or being on vacations. I just never wanted to have an older kid in bed with me.

When I first got pregnant with baby #2, I was seriously ex-haust-ed! no joke. I had never felt so tired in my life. Evelyn started getting up at 5:30 and when she would come into my room to get me, I'd pull her into bed with me, and she'd go straight back to sleep... here we are, I am now 28 weeks along and about 5am every morning, Evelyn is climbing in bed with me to sleep... and earlier if she can.

I haven't minded it. Its been nice having her there, she sleeps so well. But I also realize that with a new baby on the way and about to come into my room to sleep (in a bassinet), that having both my girls right there might not be so smart. I also don't want to let Evelyn think that her new sister is getting more attention, or that Mommy loves the new baby more then her. So I'm at a cross roads.

P is not a fan of Evelyn sleeping in bed with me after he leaves for work... and he's honestly not happy that the new baby will be in our room when she's first born. But its not his choice ;).... just kidding.

I am not 100% on what to do. I am sure that I need to talk Evelyn into going back into her own bed... but when I have done that, I felt bad, I miss my little baby and she'll only be my only child for less then 3 short months now. I just miss her. But I also don't want conflict when the baby comes, especially if I am not sleeping well, or the baby some how ends up in my bed and then I won't know Evelyn's in the bed as well... its so confusing!

I've given myself a little break... told myself to just love on Evelyn a little longer. I'll always want to love on her... but she's almost 2 1/2... which means she's almost 3! and soon... she wont want to cuddle me... and I cannot stand that thought. I don't know what I'll do but for now... I am just going to hold onto my little one a little longer.

Whats up with Evelyn.

I really truly believed for a long time that Evelyn was a perfect little angel. She has her good and bad days, but usually she's pretty good. I almost never had to punish her or practically beg her to pick up her toys. She did everything with a smile...

Fast forward a few months... Holy hell! Evelyn is still an amazing little girl, but she's in time out at least 3 times a day, usually for not listening. She's started her "drama queen" attitude, which is a total mirror image of who I was until I was 18 (woo), she also doesn't like to pick up toys... just for her to pick up her room it takes us about 15 minutes (max), to get her started, it usually hits the breaking point when she gets put in time out for hitting/running away from me. I really sometimes have no idea where that sweet little toddler went. P and I finally decided to put child locks on the doors so that she cannot enter any room she pleases and make messes. Her room also has one on it, so we can contain the messes.

For the most part though... I do have to say I have a little sweetheart. She is so in love with her Daddy and really in love with my belly. She is having a hard time learning boundaries with me now that I cannot be her trampoline, but I try to be very forgiving. I know how much her life is about to change and we are doing our best to prepare her for her Sissy.

I'm lucky enough that a few of my friends have had babies lately and I just love how in awe she is of all these little babies. She doesn't touch without permission and just says "awe how cute!", "its a baby!", "shhh she's sleeping". She's done great and I can only hope she'll keep it up with her new sibling. My mom reminds me though I might have to worry about her trying to mother her sibling, but I can't expect Evelyn to be a complete angel either. I'm sure we'll end up with some funny stories.

Evelyn is suddenly super interested in Pirates! I know that P is stoked that Evelyn will pick up sticks outside and they can have a little duel. She's completely in love with Hook, and screams every time he comes on Jake and the Neverland Pirates. But she's still very girlie and loves to dress up and is still in love with Minnie Mouse.

We started doing school time with her. We registered for ABCmouse.com and Evelyn has been really enjoying it! She is mainly focusing on her ABC's, animals and numbers. She used to really try with her colors and suddenly everything is now "ink!" to her, so I had that take a backseat, but still correct her if she calls her banana's, "ink".

Other then that, Evelyn is still a really great kid! She gets along so well with other children and is usually just so happy to be alive! She loves acting like a big kid, although she's super NOT interested in potty training, but we are working on it :) We are so blessed to have this little girl apart of our lives, I have high hopes for her future.