Wednesday, October 16, 2013

cherish the moments.

I gotta say... that title is something I have a very hard time doing, especially lately. I have been so frustrated with my toddler and her terrible twos that I am almost projecting them onto other people. I've even contemplated losing a few friends because I can't stand that they don't know how hard it is for me to have Evelyn all day and be pregnant.

I realize exactly how ridiculous that statement sounds. Lets face it, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Its no one's fault that Evelyn is testing boundaries and that I am tired and more easily frustrated then I usually am.

Yesterday was one of my hard days... and I tell you, it was bad. I was so frustrated that after punishing Evelyn and getting after her for not listening and just flat out horrible behavior, I just sat down and bawled my eyes out. Evelyn kept telling me that it was ok and that I was indeed crying, and it cheered me up a bit. Finally I text P and told him that I was quitting the day, that he would be coming home to a wife on the couch and a toddler in front of the TV. Luckily he was super nice about it, and just knew I needed to stop. I mean we all reach that breaking point at one point or another where we just need to stop. We need to do it for our own sanity! Nothing wrong with that either.

This morning I woke up, and while laying in bed checking FB and other social media sites I learned that a member of my church just found out her son has cancer. This little boy is maybe...7, they just moved away at are in Utah visiting family when they found out the news, and that he will be starting Chemo this morning. As I laid there thinking about them and how they must be feeling when I did what I think almost everyone does... you think about what if that was your child. The ache in your heart gets worse, your heart breaks for that family a little more, and then I realized how if I had just found out Evelyn was sick that I would have just had a horrible day with her where I wasn't happy with her and her behavior... and that made me sick to my stomach.

I know its ok to have moments with your child that aren't perfect, and that we all need down time and moments of relaxing when your child is just not behaving.

So after a moment to letting that settle in, I could hear Evelyn playing in her room, for once she didn't climb in my bed this morning, so I called for her to come to me and she came running in my room with the sweetest smile and said "hi mama!", I held my arms out to her and she jumped right into them, I brought her up into my bed and laid her next to me and began to tell her how much I loved her, and as she always does she respond with "you too *kiss*", and I told myself that today will be a better day, if not for me then for this family who has a long journey ahead of them.


Chantal said...

I agree that it's ok to have those rough moments, but we have to remind ourselves how lucky we are to have these kids in our lives. I know I need the reminder!

Jen said...

It's amazing how the smallest thing can put so much into perspective.

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