Since I am leaving my hometown tomorrow I am forced to realize how different I am then when I first came back to live at home.
I really had alot going on while I was here. Our 2nd deployment, our first pregnancy, 2 brothers in legal troubles, death of 6 friends, and birth of our first child. These tasks were never easy.
Most of you may remember that I lived with my brother. My brother who molested me and my sister. Before I moved back, Paul and I came out here on leave and I decided it was time to forgive my brother. He was doing good, and I had finally came to a point in my life where I had moved on from what happened. In February we found out not all was well with him. He had more issues then we realized and is now currently serving a 1-5 year sentence in Utah State Prison. It was a really hard thing because it brought up alot of emotions again. I once again had PTSD and constantly thought he was coming after me. After his sentence I had decided that it was done...this person could no longer be apart of my life. I had to protect my child. It was one of the worst parts I have had to deal with this deployment. But I am glad I was here for my mother while she broke down at her world collapsing once again. I knew she needed me.
Being pregnant while Paul was away, was really hard. I found out I was pregnant the day after Paul left, and delt with everything alone. We planned on doing this because we didnt know if there was a chance he would miss her first year of life. It was very hard, but I am ever so grateful that I never had any serious issues with my pregnancy and that we had a beautiful healthy baby girl, and Paul was able to be there for it all. It made everything worth it.
The attack on my husbands JSS on June 6th, shook my world. I had no idea where he was, was so dangerous. It was an eye opener. And I cannot say it enough...Paul is very lucky to be alive. I cannot post details but lets just say...if the motor had gone off that landed by their rooms, my husband would not be alive today. Though we lost friends we also remember our friends. I always will. They are the first people I know to have died in the war, and I know they wont be the last. But I will always remember their sacrifice.
I also developed a very good relationship with my whole family. My Dad and I never had a very good relationship, and now I can say we are best friends. My mother and I remain best friends. My brothers and I are closer then ever. I am so grateful for the chance to come home one more time and make my last year here right. I am grateful to of had their support through this deployment.I am also very grateful my nephew Mackey has moved back to Utah from Sweden and I had all Summer to play with him. I missed him so much.
I cannot be more grateful for the time I had at home. It was long and hard and I am ready to move back to Riley and Welcome my husband home! I miss him so much and cant wait to start our lives together again.
Thank you to the blogging community for all the support over this last year. You've helped me through the good and bad times and I could not be more thankful!