Thursday, September 1, 2011


So I had my 6 week check up yesterday, and everything is all back to normal and I get my IUD in next week. I have a yeast infection (which sucks) but I got the pill for it. Oh and I have Post Pardom Depression.

I kinda knew I would. Depression runs in my family and I've had it since as early as 3rd grade. Plus the stresses of being a mother can really get to me.
I love my daughter more then words. But I seriously gotta hand it to single mothers out there, this is tough work! I am glad that my parents are trying to help me be independent with my daughter. They only help when I seriously need it or when I shower. Its helping me get used to Evelyns que's without trying everything to make her happy. Which I know will come in handy when I get back to Kansas (11days and a wake up).
The deployment isnt helping either. So close to being over and still not close enough. I'm glad its almost done. I cant wait to have my husband home. I feel bad for him though...
I am the biggest bitch latley. I seriously doubt its my hormones, but right now I got a newborn, a move and a husband deployed so its alot of stress and I do take it out on him. I know alot of wives say they dont tell their husbands everything...but mine wants to know everything! we are best friends and lovers and want to be apart of eachothers lives as much as we can, especially when he's gone. So I do feel bad when I'm getting mad because he's deployed...because we all know he can totally help it!
I sometimes feel like I am failing. I really do. I know I am being the best mother I can be to Evelyn, and trying to keep my marriage rocking and rolling! But then Paul wants me to take Evelyn on walks, which would be fine...if someone would go with me. I am alone all day, and then no one wants to go because they are tired from work, so I'd rather be with family then continue to be alone. I will work more on that when I am alone in Kansas and have people who arnt working and want to walk with me :)
Then the stresses of money...we have no debt. we have plenty in savings now, and yet I still get the nagging about how much money I spend. I feel guilty doing anything for myself. I have been telling myself since.....May that I was gonna cut my hair....still not done, not even a trim! Because I dont want to spend the money. My husband doesnt rag me about money....all the time. Especially when I do things like that. But he does make me feel like I am limited sometimes. I am not asking to have a Chanel purse or nothing...but a little spoil every once in a while would be nice.....especially if it came from him!

So thats pretty much how I feel...My doctor put me on Zoloft and we're gonna see how it works. Hopefully it will be all good in a few weeks. I'd love to have a pick me up by the time I move.
I also did finally make the hair appointment...tomorrow at 3pm. I'm planning on dying it too I think. Not sure. Probably wont. But little fingers in my long hair, arnt working anymore. Probably my last spoil for a long time.


Committed said...

I can't wait to go on walks with you!! …and I can't wait to see your new hair. I'm so glad you're doing that for yourself.

Audrey Spence said...

I didn't have anyone to walk with me either. Scott would be so tired. I went by myself a lot. It actually was surprisingly nice though. It was quiet and I just had time to think and be outside in fresh air. I didn't have my ipod at the time but you could just pop in some tunes and take a little stroll. Especially now while its not so dang hot!

Mrs. Monty said...

I love walks on my own! Time fo yourself, which everyone needs! I hope you get passed the post partum! I had it and it was not fun!! And enjoy getting your hair done tomorrow!

Mary Mack... said...

This is how I feel when I work out GUILTY! Guilty bc I'm not spending time with the kids, guilty bc I'm not doing something around the house, guilty bc I'm not working, guilty bc I'm not doing homework. The list goes on and on and on. But in the end you have to take care of yourself. Happy momma=happy baby. I had post pardom as well and I really wish you the best. If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to reach out. I wish I was going to be staying in Riley I'd walk with you bc Ruthie just whines the whole time we walk. And enjoy getting your hair done!!! It's good to be pampered!

Lou said...

girl im so sorry. I love you so much, hope you are finding great in the little things and i wanna see your hair!!

Ashleigh said...

Came across your blog today- I am also a military wife with a little girl (15 mo). You are so brave and strong- we have the hardest job ever. Keep your chin up girl.

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