Tuesday, August 27, 2013

being a SAHM

At the current moment I am processing how to deal with someone. I told this person that it was irresponsible of them to try and get "unemployment" just because they simply don't want to work anymore. They then followed up with me by saying that "I had no room to talk since I live off my husband"...

Now I know from being a SAHM that we all come under fire at one point or another... but I don't understand why. Let me point out first that yes my husband makes the money that pays the bills and puts the food on the table, that is totally true! But... I wonder if this person ever thought about the reason why I stay home. Does it ever occur to them that the reason why I stay home is so our children have at least one parent who is steadily in their lives?

Most MilSpouses are SAHM's or they work from home... no harm in that at all. We live a life that can be uprooted at any moment. We have spouses who deploy sometimes every other year! So is that awful for me to stay home? Absolutely not!

If P and I could not afford for me to stay home with our children, I would gladly get a job. But we make it work! I do the majority of the housework, I take care of Evelyn all day long, I make meals, do grocery shopping, run errands and try to maintain a budget for our family. I try my hardest to make sure that when my husband comes home from a very long day, that he has very little to worry about. Is that bad?

Now yes I told this person off about trying to get fired so she could make unemployment. She doesn't really have a reason other then she wants to be home with kids. Sure that's fine! I completely understand this reasoning. But... she can't afford it. Clearly this is the issue! Its not that I don't think she shouldn't want to stay home with her kids, but that she simply wants to government to pay for her to not work because she chooses this. I don't think that's fair, and I'll be damned if I don't tell her that its wrong. I'll also be dammed if I let her think that every SAHM is a lazy piece of junk.

I know that not every SAHM is a perfect one. Some are the perfect Judy Cleavers and some are really just doing what they can. I like to think I fit myself in the middle of those. I have my good days and my bad. Especially being pregnant, my first thought isn't always what's for dinner...its usually what will I not throw up and how can I sneak in a nap and get the bare minimum of chores done.

I still just don't understand why SAHM's are so hated. Is it because everyone wishes they could stay home? Do they truly believe we are just that lazy? I don't really know... but I know that this is a choice my husband and I made together as a family. I did not wake up and say "I am done working! I am gonna sit at the TV and waste my life away."... believe me sometimes I wish I had a job so I could have some social interaction with someone else besides a two year old. But at the end of the day, I love being a SAHM, I love cleaning, cooking, and best of all raising my daughter(s) and teaching them all about life.

As a SAHM who's also a MilSpouse, I think it's important for me to be home. Because lets face it, deployments, separations and hell even field problems are hard on our children. They miss the other parent and its hard to play both rolls when the other one is away. Not every one can stay home and I think that's even harder to play mom and dad and also be a working parent, and I give props to those that can do it. But I am glad that whenever P has to leave that I know my children will know Mom is here whenever they need me, especially while they are very young.

So even though I really said a lot of things to this person... and was even a little curseful and mean, I still wish that they would think about what they said to me. I am 100% positive I did the right thing by not encouraging her to get fired on purpose to make unemployment... but I hope she know's she's wrong for telling me that "I live off my husband"... My husband never makes me feel like I live off of him. We know we are a family unit and this is what our lives are like right now and we are ok with it. If the day ever comes when I need to get a job, believe me I will, but until then I want to enjoy this time and not feel scrutinized for choosing this.


Chantal said...

That's dumb. We do NOT live off our husbands. That person didn't know what she was saying. And yeah, she shouldn't get unemployment because she doesnt want to work. That's called fraud.

Whistle Creek Labs said...

Good for you for letting her know what she wants to do is wrong a committing FRAUD!!
I don't have children so I work, but I hope that when the time comes I too can stay home. Like you said some people can make it work but some can't! Props to you for making it work to be able to stay home and props to those who have to work and still take on the SAHM role at the same time!

Audrey Spence said...

Okay so this person must have some serious issues if they're comparing being a leech to the government and being someone who sacrifices everything to be there for their children. Those people are the ones who have put this country in the crappy place it is now. That is seriously the most stupid logic. For me, being a SAHM, means I sacrifice having nice things. I don't have new cars, most of our furniture is used, we don't have nice electronics, I don't have a smart phone, my clothes are older and not what's "in." I work hard and do not get compensated for it. I give my family a clean home and a nice environment where they can feel loved and safe. I do everything around the house so my husband, who spends 12-16 hrs a day on his feet, can come home and relax and just enjoy being with the kids. Now I know that is not what works for every family and there are times when both parents need to work to make ends meet. We struggle with debt and are trying to get out of it but for us cutting back on unnecessary things works for us. Every family is different. If this person was really ready to be a SAHM and really wanted to be with her kids, money wouldn't be an issue because that time is invaluable and you would be willing to give up anything to make that happen. Just sayin'... :)

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