Post-Pardom

So I had my 6 week check up yesterday, and everything is all back to normal and I get my IUD in next week. I have a yeast infection (which sucks) but I got the pill for it. Oh and I have Post Pardom Depression.

I kinda knew I would. Depression runs in my family and I've had it since as early as 3rd grade. Plus the stresses of being a mother can really get to me.
I love my daughter more then words. But I seriously gotta hand it to single mothers out there, this is tough work! I am glad that my parents are trying to help me be independent with my daughter. They only help when I seriously need it or when I shower. Its helping me get used to Evelyns que's without trying everything to make her happy. Which I know will come in handy when I get back to Kansas (11days and a wake up).
The deployment isnt helping either. So close to being over and still not close enough. I'm glad its almost done. I cant wait to have my husband home. I feel bad for him though...
I am the biggest bitch latley. I seriously doubt its my hormones, but right now I got a newborn, a move and a husband deployed so its alot of stress and I do take it out on him. I know alot of wives say they dont tell their husbands everything...but mine wants to know everything! we are best friends and lovers and want to be apart of eachothers lives as much as we can, especially when he's gone. So I do feel bad when I'm getting mad because he's deployed...because we all know he can totally help it!
I sometimes feel like I am failing. I really do. I know I am being the best mother I can be to Evelyn, and trying to keep my marriage rocking and rolling! But then Paul wants me to take Evelyn on walks, which would be fine...if someone would go with me. I am alone all day, and then no one wants to go because they are tired from work, so I'd rather be with family then continue to be alone. I will work more on that when I am alone in Kansas and have people who arnt working and want to walk with me :)
Then the stresses of money...we have no debt. we have plenty in savings now, and yet I still get the nagging about how much money I spend. I feel guilty doing anything for myself. I have been telling myself since.....May that I was gonna cut my hair....still not done, not even a trim! Because I dont want to spend the money. My husband doesnt rag me about money....all the time. Especially when I do things like that. But he does make me feel like I am limited sometimes. I am not asking to have a Chanel purse or nothing...but a little spoil every once in a while would be nice.....especially if it came from him!

So thats pretty much how I feel...My doctor put me on Zoloft and we're gonna see how it works. Hopefully it will be all good in a few weeks. I'd love to have a pick me up by the time I move.
I also did finally make the hair appointment...tomorrow at 3pm. I'm planning on dying it too I think. Not sure. Probably wont. But little fingers in my long hair, arnt working anymore. Probably my last spoil for a long time.