potty weekend!!

This weekend was another really chill one. For one thing Evelyn has had a bug, we had a frozen rain storm, I have caught Evelyns tummy bug, and all in all we just didnt do much besides stay inside and enjoy some Harry Potter movies. (I used to think Utah was cold at 8*, but this 35* weather with that humidity...ahh freezes your body!)

I have mentioned before that Evelyn has started a tad bit of potty training. When she first got the potty, I was sitting her on the potty every few hours, she went one time and I thought this would get easier. She didn't go again and started playing with the potty (it makes music), so I backed off of her. She's still young and I shouldn't be forcing her.

(PS here's her potty area.)

Every once in a while Evelyn would come into the bathroom with me, even if I really didn't want her to and she would sit on her potty and act like she wanted to go. Sometimes I took her pants off, sometimes I didnt.

Then Saturday Evelyn ran to the bathroom door and was trying to get in, so I said "You want to go potty?" and she kept trying to get in, so I opened the door took her pants and diaper off and she sat down. At first I was just like, ya another bust...then she sat up and ran away, I looked and she had pee'd! Talk about being excited about pee. I told her Dad to come give her some praise! We praised her and let her pick out her sticker for her chart and she went back on her day. We tried a few more times with no success that day. The next day before bath time I stuck her on the potty again, and she went again! Seriously I am proud to clean up her potty.

So P and I decided that we should put her on a schedule. We know Evelyn is only 1 1/2 and so we shouldn't push it to hard. But she seems interested a little more and the girl is so proud of her stickers! No harm in still trying. I've read about having a naked day, and I tell you I thought that was ridiculous, but then I started noticing that I don't know Evelyn's signals for needing to go potty. So as horrible as it sounds to be following her around all day making she she doesn't poop all over the place, I think I am going to be brave and do it! Even if its for a half a day. I'll just remind her there is a potty here and she can use it, and I'll be sure to have loads of carpet cleaner!

I forgot.

P is back on the GCF, which means if something happens he is gone. He's been on it before and its never bothered me. This time however, they sent P a packing list and we had to pack him all up just incase. While our living room was destroyed with Army gear and I'm highlighting the things he's packing I suddenly realize...I forgot how this all felt.

I told myself after 2 back to back deployments I would never forget, I would never dull the feeling to the extent of forgetting that at any moment we could be on a time line for him to deploy.

I have become comfortable.

I sat there and remembered how many times I ragged on him for sleeping in when it was my night, Fighting because he made a mess, telling him to sleep on the couch when he was drunk and I didnt want to deal with him. Now I know that we are also a married couple and married couples fight, and thats completly normal, but I'm sure I am not the only other Army Wife that has felt like they slipped into the comfortable feeling like we are normal and its not possible for him to leave again.

Having P be on the GCF this time has really opened my eyes. I am fine with being comfortable but not to the point to being a normal comfortable.

So with P's birthday coming up, and I planning on pulling out all the stops (especially since his B-Day is Super Bowl Sunday), and having a celebration! He doesnt want anyone to come over, which is fine, its not like we have friends here anyways, but I'm planning on making him some of is favorite foods and just making it a party! Valentines Day is coming up too and because we wont have a sitter I'm planning a stay-at-home game date night. Seriously the Wii is the best invention for parents with no sitters for Date Night.

I hope I can create some good memories on these special days, and random days inbetween so if something ever does come up and he has to deploy I won't be looking back and wishing I hadn't fought with him about not putting his dishes away or leaving clothes on the floor.

Live like he's deploying tomorrow.

18 months!

Oh my dear sweet baby girl! You turned 18 months on Sunday, and seriously its hard to believe. But when I sit back and look at you and watch you play I see my little one year old turning into a two year old.

You have such a fondness for almost anything girlie. Your teapot and accessories with it are almost always in your eye sight if you not playing with them. Your 4 babies are fed and shhh'd. Your Minnie Mouse car gets you places you want to go.

We are about to put you into a booster chair! You hate sitting in your high chair, and lets face it black is not a smart color for a high chair, your constantly trying to sit at the table, so its time we get you sitting like a big girl!

Potty Training has gone on hold while you've been sick. Mom and Dad are still deciding if we should start a potty schedule for you or not.

Your finally starting to used or at least create words! If I asked you to say please you say "paa?" working on it. Thank you is "anks". More is "why?" ya. You say "bayyybee!". Ball is "baaa". Tinkerbell is "ink-bell!". Minnie Mouse is "ouse" You say "No" very clear, but I still don't think you understand what "no" really means.

Your still more of a Daddies Girl then a Mommas girl, but I think that's just because your home with me all day. But Dad still wont change dirty diapers so I still think its a tad bit unfair.

Your the light of my life little girl! You brighten my day and even when I dont want to get out of bed you give me the best hugs and that pushes me to do that much more with you! I love you little princess! Happy Half Birthday!!

Love Mommy!

go away January!

Is it just me or is January just the most depressing month?

I read an article yesterday about how yesterday is the most depressing day of the year, because this is when resolution fall apart. Its true...lets admit it, we get into it and 3 weeks later we are bored of it.

After the Holidays going into a month like January where you start feeling like a failure...aka I feel like one. No more Holiday decor, no more presents to buy, bills are due, normal life is back.

I only feel like a failure because this weekend I really let go of my diet...my husband didnt help with that. I crave cake, he buys me a cake. I have a headache and cant get rid of it, he gets me chocolate and pepsi (which is my cure for headaches), I am bored of water, he gets me a soda. Guess what...instead of saying no to the delicious red velvet cake he bought me...I eat it...but do my best not to over indulge. It took me all weekend to the (half cake) he bought me...with his over indulging helping me.

P and I have had this talk many times. I appreciate him helping me, but he is not the best encourager when he is making hamburger helper, tacos, lasagna, ice cream and so on and so forth. I think he thinks its not a big deal, but I am really trying this time, and I do a horrible job at keeping up on losing weight.

I dont mind eating some cheaper, junkier foods especially when we had a sick baby on our hands this weekend, but when he is requesting to make all this crap all the time, oh it kills me.

I know everyone says you have to lose weight for yourself...but I've never ever felt like I need to do it for me. I want to do it to set an example for Evelyn on healthy eating, I want to do it so my back wont be in so much pain whenever we decide to get pregnant again, and I want my husband to think I'm sexy...er.

Anyways...it's a brand new week. Which means a brand new start to getting back on track, and as long as I am still trying I am doing good. But really I think if I was in a better month full of decorations and lots of things to keep me busy...like every other month besides January, I'd feel less inclined to give in to cravings. But who knows Febuary is P's birthday and Valentines Day...so its the Chocolate Month. At least I am trying.

doing the best I know how to.

If your not a Mom you might not notice all the harsh judgment in the parenting world. Sure I love being a parent, infact I think I am doing a fantastic job (most days) with Evelyn. But then instead of it being parenting like your parents and grandparents had, you have the added stress of social media.

Now I am all for being all you can be, super mom, crunchy mom, over the moon Mom...but I'm gonna be honest...thats not at all who I am.

I dont know if other Mom's feel like this but you feel this huge amount of pressure to better your child constantly. No sugars, no flour, no spanking, dont feed your kids corn dogs, no TV, no spoiling, no germs, no no no no no. ALL THE TIME.

I do not personally have the means to feed my child organic food all the time. Its not that I dont think organic food is better for you, I ate regular food my whole life and I am fine. But I personally cannot afford it. P and I are working to better our finances, eat better and be better parents and the first thing on my mind is not spending $50 more of food just because its a little better for you.

Now before I keep going...I am not bashing on ANYONE. I am just trying to get out some frustrations I feel.

I have said on twitter and even Facebook that our world has just become one big world of "your doing this wrong"...and I am at the point where I am freaking sick of feeling like I dont do enough. I try really hard to do things with Evelyn, and I think its terrible that I feel like an awful parent when I just flat out dont want to do much one day. I know Evelyn is just happy as can be if we sit and have an off day where we do movies, but then you hear comments or read articles about how your rotting your childs brain by even letting them watch TV. Your also encouraging laziness.

My Mom and Dad always did things with me and my siblings, and I love looking at those photos and those videos. When my sister died, alot of things like that stopped, my parents were heartbroken, I was 9 and didnt understand what just happened and neither did my younger siblings. While my parents did their best, a lot of things that should have been happening when I was 9 and 10 and even older didnt happen.

If its one thing I am learning from my parents losing a child its to take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment. Who freaking cares if Evelyn and I dont leave the house for a day or two, we are enjoying eachother, and its not like I am throwing her infront of the TV and going into a seperate room to be by myself, we are always together.

I've gone through a ton of shit in my life, more then the average person usually goes through, and I am doing my hardest to be me and be the parent I want to be. While I appreciate reading articles and learning about what I could be doing more of with Evelyn, I do know I need to take it day by day and just enjoy this time. You just never know whats going to happen in the future.

All I am trying to say is if your a Mom feeling the pressure to have the amazing perfect child, that can do no wrong, who was raised the "right" way, who ate all the right things, who talks perfectly by the time he/she is 2, who knows every shape and color before 2...just know your not alone in feeling the pressure, and its totally just fine to take it easy and parent the best way you can. Theres no harm in taking a "day off" and being lazy. No harm in feeding your child a corn dog just because your not in the mood to make a fancy lunch. No harm in anything your doing, your doing the best you know how to.

While I wait...

For my decision on wether I should go to WP or wait for blogger to get its act together I thought I would share my thoughts about whats going on in my life right now.

#1 Religion. I grew up LDS and I have not been active since I was 19. Reasons why are because even though I enjoyed church I always had an issue with the members. The area I grew up in was very rich or not rich, and if you were not a cheerleader/dancer/sports player then you were a loser. I was one of the losers. I always had a difficult time with it. Now that I've grown up and have Evelyn I have thought a little more about going to church, but I am hesitant since I have a husband who didnt grow up religious and like most other people thinks Mormans are freaks. Now I got missionaries knocking on my door and I know they are trying to answer my prayers for how I am feeling, but I feel like that pressure on my husband is not the way to go, and I am backing down. I dont know what I am going to do.

#2 Going home or not. P has a 10 day field in March, and it would be the perfect time to go home. However, I am one of those people who cares too much about what people think, and I dont deal with stress very well. So traveling with a 1 1/2 year old for 7 hours again sounds like hell. My parents have offered for me to come to Utah and they will give me some points to make the trip...but I just dont know if I want to do that. 7 hours should be no big deal to me, but with Evelyn wanting to be independant its super freaking hard! All she wants is to get down and play and I can't let her. I bought movies and apps for her to use, and she just hated it. But I do miss home, I hate that my almost 3 year old nephew doesnt know who I am. I need to start taking more advantage of these oppertunitys to go home and not be scared about pissing people off on the plane.

#3 Being a better Mom. I'll be the first to admit, somedays I just seriously dont want to do anything but sit in front of the TV and daze out. I love staying home and having this oppertunity and I dont always take advantage of it. Sometimes Evelyn and I go a few days without exploring, and I am getting worse at letting it go. Since I stopped eating so much junk and drinking soda, I have felt some more energy and we've gone out a little more. I know Evelyn enjoys it and I want to get better at doing more artsy and sensory play with her, she loves to color and loves to mimic me when I paint. I know its ok to have a few days here and there where you just dont do as much, but seriously the pressures of other moms being "super mom" so gets to you. Its almost made me want to delete my social media all together so I can just be the Mom that I can be without feeling more pressure.

#4 Baby maybe? Thats all thats on my mind. Its in my dreams. Its in P's and I's conversations. I'm preparing my body for it, but losing weight and eating healthier but man I wish it was go time now. I have to remind myself that I am not that old, and the longer I wait the more Evelyn will be into it and the more time I'll feel comfortable bonding with a newborn when Evelyn is at school or whatever. I know I am in the mind set of getting more healthier to get ready to get pregnant, and hopefully somewhere in this year P and I will decide its time. But babies are on my mind like crazy right now.

damn you blogger!!

I am once again having issues with blogger and it letting me upload pictures, and we all know my good blogs have photos...well at least the ones I want to remember forever. So I am stuck between a rock and a million drafts waiting for Blogger to stop being a POS!

Until then you can follow me on twitter or instagram :)

and until I can write fully...I am organizing things I should have done a long time ago.

turning a baby room into a toddler room.

I'm not gonna lie, Evelyn never really had a baby room. Yes she has had her own room with her own things and it was a tad bit decorated. But when I had Evelyn I was livng with my parents and P was deployed. When Evelyn was 2 months old we moved back to Kansas. At this point Evelyn was sleeping in her portacrib/basinet (btw best purchase ever), sleeping near me and didnt have anywhere to put her things. P was gone for everything and we decided the majority of Evelyn's things that I didnt need ASAP were going to be bought when he was home. After P was home 5 months we moved to North Carolina. So this poor girl has been moved and uprooted almost her whole life.

As P and I get closer to Evelyn being 18 months, and starting to think about when we should put Evelyn into her toddler bed, Ive decided to re-do her decor.

When I posted a long long time about about Evelyn's Nursery, I lovd her room...sorta. I searched for bedding that I found on Overstock.com and I loved it...until I got it. I saw how light the print was and I already couldn't wait to change it. But I made it work. We went with a french theme and it went pretty well for a long time...but now Evelyn's growing out of the baby period (sadly), and has a personality that should shine a little more with her room. So I started looking for things.

Since most of you have never met Evelyn, if you ever did you'd notice that she is a very funny girl, shes active, she loves babies, she loves her Disney movies, loves dancing and she's just very much a girlie girl. She loves her tea partys as well.

So I decided to go with a Minnie Mouse themed room. Most of Evelyn's things are light pink, and since I dont want to spend a bunch of money re-doing a room that she's once again going to be up-rooted out of again in probably the next year, I'd keeping it simple again. But I'm going to add more of her into the decor. Its a work in process and I'm hoping it will be done before her 2nd birthday (WHAT?!).

But I'll tell you I'm super excited about this project! I love decorating! next project....my room!

We started potty training!

Yep its that time! 17 (almost 18) months might seem a little early, but Evelyn has been having all the signs of being ready. She has been taking her diaper off, sticking her hands down her pants, constantly interested in following me to the bathroom...so on and so forth. So far she is not really going potty in the potty. I'm pretty sure that normal though, as soon as I say "do you want to go sit on the potty?" she takes off running to the bathroom.

She got her own little corner in her bathroom. Of course I can't show you pictures because Blogger is messed up again. But we created a potty chart and she has her "ink-bell!" AKA Tinkerbell stickers for when she goes potty. Along with praise, clapping and cheering her on! So far she's gone potty one time!

I'm not expecting results fast but we are headed in the right direction as we start to figure out more of what works for her.

2013 the year of the Unknown

Usually I go into a New Year with lots of expectations. Especially since I got married I could predict how the year would go and usually thats how it went. 1st year we got married we got married the day before NYE so no surprise I would be moving and get a job in a different state. 2nd year, P was deployed, I moved home and I was pregnant, so I knew I'd be having a baby and moving back to Kansas when he got home. 3rd year we knew we were moving to NC and I had huge plans to go to DisneyWorld and DC, Fort Bragg was going to be amazing (yeah right). This is the 4th year and all I see is a giant black hole.

We have no idea whats going to happen this year, and its always given me bad anxiety. I'd love to say that 2013 will bring us to a new move, hopefully to Fort Carson, that it will bring me weightloss so I can get pregnant towards the end of the year, and it will bring us more money to the bank account. But lets face it...P doesn't know what he wants to do, which means I have no way to plan for what he wants to do. I am trying to lose weight for my health and have failed consistantly. We can only save money when we really really try to cut back, which we've done better at, but could still do better.

I'm currently standing in front of a big black hole. What will this year bring us? Hopefully at least my weightloss and us being better with spending and saving. But thats about all I see...and I barelly see it.

I guess thats another thing that comes with being an adult...you cant always plan everything.