If you've known me my whole life....which you probably don't. You'd know that I'm not a very religious person. I grew up a Mormon/LDS and always went to church with my family. When I turned 18 I strayed away. After all the things I've gone through in life, I'm surprised I didn't do it sooner. In our ward if you weren't rich and popular you were pretty much the dirt everyone walked on. While I loved the girls my age, most were cheerleaders and it was usually a popularity contest. My parents ward still to this day is like that.
When I was home from deployment #2 I was going to church all the time, I enjoyed being concidered an "adult" and it was a way to bring me some comfort into my life while P was gone. After Evelyn was born and P went back to Iraq most of my time was spent breastfeeding, taking care of Evelyn and preparing to move back to Kansas so church went away for me again. Even though I never felt any support from my bishop, especially after I had Evelyn or when P was home, I just didnt feel like apart of it when the leaders weren't taking an intrest in my solider, when they took an intrest in other families soldiers.
I dont mean to give the church a bad wrap, this is just my personal experience with this ward.
I've been feeling like I need some more God in my life lately. I've always missed church and the social interaction. I don't really like to drink or party anymore, my life has just smoothed out alot and I want friends with the same values as me. While I'm not sure how I feel about some of the asspects of the Mormon religion but I knew that another church was not going to be for me.
So P had a jump yesterday and I decided that Ev and I would go to church with my friend Sasha. The meeting was at 2 and as nervous and I was to go, I felt like it was just what I needed! I needed to feel closer to God again, and of course wether you like it or not when you go to church after a long time, the lesson they teach is just what you needed to hear.
Evelyn did very good too, she has her little drama queen attitude but usually when I told her to be quite she would be. I only had to take her into the hallway once, and she was mainly pretty decent otherwise.
I decided I need to get some more church clothes because going really did make me feel good. I don't think P wants to go, and thats just fine, that probably means I won't need to take Evelyn. But I just feel like 3 hours a week to dedicate to someone else besides myself is what my life needs right now.
I'm not sure how this will all work out. The senior missionaries have been coming to my house for a while now, and I've really enjoyed them. I know that they know I'm just looking for answers and trying to find some peace in my life. I don't have high expectations other then hoping I start to feel more connected to God once again. But I'm glad I went and I hope next week will be great too!