Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out.

Latley there has been some major drama in the cool old house. I have to admit its really hard to not participate in it, because its more then one person being targeted.
As most of you know I live with my brother, who molested me 7 years ago, its the first time we have had to live together in well over 6 years. Him and I had a talk before I moved home, because we knew it was time, and I was beyond ready to have the talk. I was ready to forgive him. Well since I moved back, I have been learning he was not ready to not bring it up again. One thing I have learned is when you forgive someone for something they have done, you dont bring it up again and you dont talk about it, leave it in the past. I have done very good with that. I only talk to my mother, dad, and of course Hubby when I need to about the situation. Apperently my brother doesnt feel the same. He is very immature and there is a ton of resentment in my family on him, which sometimes I do feel is unfair because it did happen to me and not them. I forgave him. He gets blamed and picked on alot and even though its hard not to participate because he is so immature, that I sometimes let my emotions get the best of me. When my parents talk to him about the things he is doing, he seems to blame alot of what he did to me on how he acts. My parents and I have had the talk about how that is not ok at all...but it continues to happen.
Not only this is going on, almost everyday....I have learned that my brother and sister-in-law are not planning on moving out of my parents house until May....I will 7 months pregnant. I told my mom that I was not ok with this situation. They moved to my parents house after living in Maine, so they could pay off bills which is not happening. Instead I have turned into a baby sitter almost everyday, even when they are here I am constantly changing diapers, making bottles, and putting him to sleep. I moved home so Hubby and I could put money away in savings and pay off the few bills we did have. Glad to say...Hubby deployed in November and we almost have our car paid off, and have 2 bills done and paid for, they have been here since July and have not even made a dent in their bills. It maybe unfair for me to compare my situation to theirs, but honestly its hard not to.
I almost always wish I stayed at Fort Riley, because of this situation here. I know its better for me to be here especially with my little girl on the way. But right now I feel like I am in a lose lose situation. I am sharing a room with my sister, I cannot buy any baby things, because I have no where to put it, and now I find out they want to stay till I am 7 months pregnant....I am stuck where I have no idea what the hell to do. I cant do that. I cant chance me having the baby early and having to bring her home to a house full of people. I am a very nice person and never stand my ground but I am learning....I am going to need to do


Shell said...

Oh, that would be so hard to be there!

AngieDMac said...

I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation. :( That's definitely hard. But you just have to stay strong and try to be stress-free for the baby!

Lou said...

IM BACK...AND I LOVE YOU...when i move to the springs you move down with me...ill take care of you! hahah im praying for you girl, i really hope things start looking up. Go get another massage:)

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