life with two!

Wow you guys! I've been a Mom of 2 for almost 6 weeks... and its been crazy!! For anyone that thinks their new newborn will be just like their first... let me laugh in your face for a moment... HAHAHA!! Don't fool yourself! I did that. But before I explain that reasoning I have to say life has been nuts. I mean NUTS!!

Evelyn was a perfect newborn... never cared to be held all the time, loved being on her own, in her on bed. Perfect on schedule... I mean perfect! I could get all my chores done, and she'd be content in her swing. Valerie... shes a pretty good newborn, but she's very demanding. Pick her up, not later... NOW! Hungry? Wait a moment?...NEVER! I swear most of the time its pretty good... but with a toddler who want's Mommys attention too, its a little difficult!

I've had alot of people tell me they admire how together I seem... and I can only think in the back of my head "oh no no no no please no! don't let me fool you into thinking this is easy!". I love that so many people think I am doing so great, it boosts my self esteem so much! But I'd hate to fool anyone into thinking I have a handle on things... I really don't.

I'm learning, and I'm not fond on learning how to handle this. When P is home, I can do it like a pro! But when he is not... its hard. I won't lie. Evelyn loves her sister, but Evelyn also knows that when Mom is busy nursing Valerie that she can probably get away with murder. Throw her toys everywhere... on it! Pick them up... its a fight to the death!! Evelyn was a pro at picking up her toys when I was pregnant... after words, it takes forever and sometimes a day to pick up just one toy... finally we took all but 5 little toys away from her, because we can't stand the two full boxes of toys being thrown all over and her refusing to pick them up.

We hear we are a little strict with her... but it usually works for her.

Evelyn also refuses to eat dinner or nap now. Its just fun!

Its a lot of work... but even when I feel like I am loosing this battle of trying to make everyone adjusted, on a schedule, little things like this happen...

And then its then... I remember. My house doesn't need to be spotless, I don't need to have the answers, and the days of fighting to make them both nap will be gone all too soon. These are the moments that matter, and although it may mean we have cereal for dinner and P might have to wear a dirty shirt to PT, as long as these two girls are happy and healthy... nothing else matters! If I raise them to be decent human beings, I have done my job! Sure, it's hard sometimes but they are worth every single second!

Dylan Farrow

I don't know if it's just me or the rest of the blogging world.. but I seem to keep up on entertainment news a lot lately. I think half of it is trying to stay awake during late night nursing sessions or the fact that I'm always curious about how the other half live. But in the recent weeks I have read a lot of articles on Woody Allen and his daughter Dylan who alleges he abused her at a young age. Some of those commenting on it are saying she told the truth, others are saying she's lying, other then that I just have an opinion on it....

Why do people feel they need to have an opinion on someone else's sexual abuse? This is coming out at a national stand point... so many people having opinions on it. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and I can tell you if it had come out to the world what had happened, I'd be mortified! I am not one to hide what happened... its part of me and it's effect who I am as a mother and human being. I couldn't imagine if I had people publicly coming out and calling me a liar.

Anyone who's ever reported their sexual abuse knows that there will always be someone out there who think's you're lying... because really does sexual abuse ever happen? That's people's mind sets... that it doesn't happen, you are lying, your trying to get back at someone, you're a slut anyways... really the list goes on, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard someone say some of those things to me.

I don't think anyone who's never really cared about sexual abuse probably doesn't realize how often it does happen. Most never get reported or fall through the system. Only one of my abusers ever got convicted. I read a statistic that said only 3 in 100 abusers ever spend time behind bars. I have to assume it's because most victims are scared to face their abusers. Can you blame them?

I don't want to comment too much on what happened to Dylan.. weather it's true or not, only she will ever know. It's no ones business to comment on what happened because it's clear they were not there. I doubt she'd ever even read this... but I am truly sorry for what has happened to her. I am sorry that she has to face the comments and criticism of others. But she's also helping others who have been or are being abused, to speak up and not listen to the critics that will call them liars. Those who've been abused in anyway should not feel the need to run and hide from what has happened. I applaud her for standing up for herself and not being scared of the criticism. You are a brave woman!

Valerie's Birth Story

How do I even begin to start this story... I guess I'd have to go all the way back to my due date which was January 2nd. My Mom had arrived in town a few days before, and I had my 40 week appointment. P and I went to this appointment alone, and we were very anxious to see if anything was happening in there. I was over due with Evelyn, so I sort of expected to be over due with Valerie too. We got to my appointment and because of the holidays I was forced to see a OB then seeing my regular Midwife. We got back into the room and the doctor did a quick ultrasound, the baby looked fine. The doctor scheduled me for an induction which was set for 12 days after my due date... I was super upset about it. Not only would P be in the field but it was also the day my Dad would be flying back home. We asked him if we could do anything at home to get the process started and he basically told us "nothing can be done, the baby will come when she's ready and there's nothing you can do about it"... and no joke, he was super rude. I left my appointment in tears. I set up an appointment for my NST and a 41 week appointment which I was hoping would end up being unnecessary.

I was really upset about the doctor telling me that I just couldn't do anything at all but wait... So I decided that even if he think's I can't do anything, that I needed to at least TRY! My Mom and I asked for lots of advice and then spent a day picking up things like primrose oil, raspberry tea, eggplant parmesan, birthing balls, clary sage and massage oils! I walked and shopped like a mad woman! I was bound and determined to help my body get ready for this. But... nothing worked.

Finally my Dad came to town, and him and my Mom got a hotel with a pool so that Evelyn could have some fun. We went swimming with them one night and I spent the majority of the time in the pool swimming laps. When we were done with the pool and I was in the bathroom I suddenly felt my bladder let go of itself... I started pretty much peeing everywhere. This had happened to me twice already, I pee'd myself a few times ok. I was so not sure if I just had water in me, if I pee'd or if my water broke. I grabbed some toilet paper and decided to see if I leaked anymore on the way home and up until bed time... I didn't see much water... so I just wasn't sure what happened. I just assumed I pee'd my pants again and went to sleep.

The next day was my 41 week appointment and it was at 9AM. I had a few contractions that night but nothing regular. I had a different OB this time, thank goodness! The doctor pulled out the ultrasound machine to see what was going on and it turned out I only had 2cm of amniotic fluid in me (found out my water had indeed broke). He sent me straight upstairs to be checked into L&D. He told me not to get my hopes up though, that the hospital would likely check me again and if the baby pee'd, my water might go back up. So P and I headed straight upstairs. As I was getting checked in they told me that I was indeed being induced that day! P left to go home and get our bags, while I waited in the waiting room for our room to be ready. All I could think about was how much I already missed Evelyn, I had been spending a lot of time with her, but suddenly I felt like I didn't get enough in. But this was it, and boy were we ready to have our new addition here!

My Last Pregnant picture!

41weeks 1day

 

P and I settled into our room and we got all set up and ready to go. I was hooked to fluids, Pitocin and penicillin. I was hoping I could handle birth and not need an epidural but I made sure to sign the papers just in case I felt like I needed it. I was check in at 3cm, 50% effaced and a -2. By 4pm I was checked and had only progressed to a 4! I was certain I was in for a long labor.

 

I handled my contractions the best I could. P was seriously amazing! He supported me though it all, gave me his hand when I needed it, and rubbed my back. He also was so sweet and would help me to the bathroom every time I needed to go, and with that much fluids hooked to me, I went a lot!

 

At about 7-7:30 I could not handle my contractions any longer. I was having horrible back labor, and if you've never had back labor it feels like your back is splitting in two! I tried so hard to put up with it, and when the tears started rolling and I was feeling exhausted and hungry because I hadn't ate since breakfast, I knew I was done experiencing the miracle of natural birth. I knew though that I gave it my all! Getting my epidural SUCKED! They got me once... and it didn't work. So they stuck me again... meanwhile my nurse has her hand up my gown to keep the monitor on the baby and I am sweating so bad from the contractions and the fact that I was nervous. I looked my nurse straight in the face and told her how sorry I was. She didn't seem to mind but I'm sure it wasn't her biggest highlight of the night. After the epidural seemed to be working, I decided to take a nap. I had a rough night with Evelyn and I knew I needed the rest. It took some time but with some calming from P I finally was asleep by about 8:30.

 

I woke up at 9 with a horrible pressure in my butt! I'm talking like HUGE pressure! I was huffing and puffing! I grabbed that epidural button and clicked on it a few times and it wasn't going away. My Epidural failed me! I paged my nurse and after 3 more contractions, I paged her again and said "I NEED SOMEONE NOW!!", suddenly my nurse and my midwife, who hadn't checked on me in hours was in my room. I told them about the horrible pressure I was having and the biggest urge to push. They checked me and I was a -2! Baby girl was right there!! I screamed "OH MY GOD!!, someone fix my epidural!", they said there was nothing they could do about it now and that I should try pushing a few times... little did they know how amazing I am at birth.. in two pushes they told me to stop because she was coming now. Suddenly P is right next to me, and 8 people are surrounding me and telling me to PUSH!

 

I started pushing and I felt everything!, and I mean EVERYTHING! I was a woman screaming in labor, anything to help me and empower me, I was doing. P was next to me cheering me on, my nurses were telling me what was happening down below, and I was screaming "holy shit! I feel everything!!". It felt good to scream for a second and then push again! Not many pushes left and I saw her arm fly up in the air! I was told one more push and I gave it my all!! I pushed like I had never pushed before and suddenly she was in my arms!

Valerie Alisha

January 10, 2014

9:40PM

7lbs 9oz

19inches



 

I started to bawl and the only thing I could say was "you look just like your sister!". I was being cleaned up and I was doing skin to skin with Valerie. I got her latched on right away and I looked up at P and we were both in awe with her. She looked gorgeous! We had just added a beautiful little girl to our world and we were elated with pride and joy!

 

Because it was so late P and I had Valerie all to ourselves. We didn't get moved to the recovery room until 2am, but it was ok. We called all our family and sent photos to everyone. Cool fact: Valerie was born on my parents 38th Wedding Anniversary. We got very little sleep in, and we were pretty much forced to wake up at 6:30 to eat breakfast. So began the little sleep time in our life.

 

That morning my Mom and Dad brought Evelyn to meet Valerie. I was super excited to see her! I really couldn't wait to see what Evelyn thought of Val. Evelyn was super excited to be in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and everything! Her obsession with Doc McStuffin's really helps! You could tell Evelyn was confused at what I ment by Valerie was the baby we had been talking about for months. Suddenly mommys tummy was gone and there was a baby there. But as soon as we let Evelyn hold her, she kept saying "She's cute!". She counted her fingers and toes and gave her kisses. She was just how I wanted her to be with her new sister, and has pretty much stayed that way. She loves being a big sister!

 



We all feel so blessed to have welcomed baby Valerie into our family! Valeries middle name is after my little sister Alisha, some of you know Evelyn's middle name is after my other sister Suzanne. I have now had the pleasure of honoring two very important people in my life. I hope my girls will look at them both as the amazing women they were. Suzanne passed away 13 years ago and Alisha is mentally and physically handicapped. I'm proud to have honored them both in such a special way.

Our Family of Four!

 



Meet Our New Addition.

Hi everyone! I know I have been a terrible blogger but I wanted to introduce you to someone!

Valerie Alisha

7lbs 9oz

19inches

January 10, 2014

9:40 PM

 

I have to go feed her now... but I'll be writing her birth story up soon!



Thought and Input

I've been seeing this article floating around on my Facebook timeline. Its titled "6 ways to protect your child from sexal abuse" as I looked through the article I could see several ideas that seemed liked pretty reasonable ways to protect kids from abuse... but then some I sorta disagreed with. Such as "do not force your child to give affection such as saying "gimmie a kiss"" .. come one who doesn't say that to their child? Or "telling your child to be good"... I believe telling my child she needs to behave in the store is perfectly acceptable!

But I'm still open minded to what the author was writing. I don't personally know the author, so I have no clue if she has any history of being sexually abused. But for me speaking as a person who has been sexually abused, I have to agree with one point the author made.

"Know that potential abusers may not be who you expect."

I was abused by a brother and my best friends brother. I have come in contact through years of therapy with others who have been abused and learned that it happens quite often that a family member or people close to the child are the abusers. That's one thing I really take from this article and one thing I hope people really know and understand to ALWAYS be careful of who you leave your child with.

My best friends brother raped me and it only happened one time. I was sleeping over at her house and her brother, who was very popular are cute had asked me to come into another room with him to watch a movie when it happened. My Mom didn't know for a while, and I pretended like it never happened. This is another reason why my kids will not be doing the sleepover thing... it happens a lot! It happens often that things like that happen during sleepovers. Not to mention experimenting with drugs and alcohol. This boy came from a nice Christian family, and it still happened.

My brother... well he has his own huge set of issues. Its been almost 3 years since I talked to him... but it happened about 10 years ago... about the year mark after I was raped. My brother knew I was taking sleeping medications and decided to sneak into my room and attack me, and it happened more then once. My parents room was right across the hall from mine. He was reported and did a lot of therapy and even some time in juvie for what he did for me, and is now currently in prison. He had admitted to abusing my little sister as well, which if you know about her she is handicapped and is physically incapable of talking. He also admitted to going after other family members as well. His issues are his own... and I have put him behind me, and I have forgiven him for what he did to me.

I only share these stories and experiences to open peoples eyes. This stuff does happen all the time! Its nothing my parents did wrong to cause me to be abused, these things happened to me because of the person who did it. I didn't do anything wrong, and to be honest I am not sure there was much I really could have done. My parents have often had issues about what happened to me and how they could have prevented it, especially when one of them happened in their own home. But this has caused me to really think about how P and I will raise our children... one of the hardest parts of being a parent is realizing that I just cannot protect Evelyn from everything, but I can learn from what has happened in my own life and apply that to my parenting today.

By telling my child what her body parts are at an early age is not going to stop her from abuse, and not asking for kisses is certainly not going to stop it either. All I can do is warn my child of the dangers in the world and do my best to protect her. Set up rules and hope that nothing happens to her. Limit the contact with people who watch her, and if I have a gut feeling, then I need to follow it and not dismiss it. One day my children will understand how I feel, and if they are mad they are not allowed to have sleep overs then so be it... but I will do all I can to protect them. That's just my input.

Black Friday

Hey everyone! I know its been another long run of no blogging... but I am still going to blame it on potty training. While things have been getting better... Evelyn still has her days of wishing we would just throw a diaper on her again... and believe me I sometimes really want to!

Anyways... I thought before I do my 35 week post and my Thanksgiving post that I would write about Black Friday.

I am a pretty big bargain shopper... you kind of have to be when you're a one income family with almost 2 kids. I'm not the type to haggle people in stores and at their yard sales.. but when I see a good deal, its a good deal!

Black Friday, its only been my thing since I had Evelyn. Do you know how expensive kids are? Then to get online and see this amazingly cute $40 dress on sale for $10?! But I will say this... I'd rather do the Black Friday thing, online. I don't really feel like dying over a pair of shoes.

But it really disappoints me to see people just rag on anyone who participates in Black Friday. I mean.. I get that it is madness! But I really honestly don't see the harm in the people who aren't going to kill you for that TV, saving some money and spoiling their families. One thing about Christmas is it is the time for giving, and I love to give my family everything, and Black Friday makes that a possibility. Sure these are material items, they will be junk in a few years, and hey maybe they will be someone elses junk, but to spend money on it, and watch my family enjoy their gifts is a huge blessing for me.

Evelyn still loves her toys she got for Christmas last year, and soon when she's over them, they will be passed on to her little sister. Its like a saving money merry go round!!

I am really grateful for times like these, when P and I can watch our money and then blow some of it on having an amazing holiday with our family! This year we wished we could be home, but its definitely not happening this year. So it will be just us 3, and I don't see any harm in making it special. I don't know what it's like to grow up away from family, and sadly my girls will have to grow up that way. I want them to always know how special these holidays are, especially when we cannot be with family. I will teach my girls that Christmas is not just about gifts. Its about Jesus, Love and Family! Black Friday will never change that view for us. I'm glad I get to spoil my family, and we've worked hard to make sure we can.

If your shopping today, be careful out there. If not, I hope you enjoy those leftovers :)

And your point is?

Lately I have been really wrapped up in sales, discounts, coupon clipping, menu planning and present wrapping! Can you blame me? Thanksgiving is coming up very soon and right after that is Christmas! I like to finish my Christmas shopping early, and it seems like every year I start earlier and earlier. I'm pretty big into getting the best deal I can. If I was brave enough you would probably find me actually in line to get into stores on Black Friday... but instead you'll find me going through online sales and finding coupons to get my family their gifts.

As you can see I get really wrapped up in giving gifts to my family. I know the season is not all about gifts, but this is the one time of year I feel it is appropriate to spoil my family!

As I was searching through my shopping apps on my phone this morning, looking at weekly deals and coupons at my favorite stores, I remembered what P said to me last year about my shopping. He told me; "If you don't stop shopping, you won't be getting anything for Christmas."... and my reaction was the same as last years... "So?" But then as I was searching some more, I started to think about why P would actually want to buy me a present... I mean, I don't need anything. I don't want much either... other then baking pans. My gift is to spoil them rotten, because I love them so much! and then there! You see it? I realized... P feels the same way! He never gets to buy me anything because if I ever need anything, I go get it. I take care of Evelyn's presents, parties and her needs as well. I do all of that. If P needs something, I make sure to grab it too. This is also his one time of year he gets to spoil his wife. He may not be so into finding the perfect gifts for Evelyn, but when he gets the chance to shop for his wife, he does take it seriously.

P treats his girls very well! He sometimes gets frustrated when I buy Evelyn a gift she doesn't need, or a cute outfit that is so not necessary, but you'll almost never hear him complain about it. He works 12+ hours a day and just wants to relax on weekends, so he really doesn't ever get the chance to go all out for anything other then Christmas and my Birthday.

So as I am going through ads and such thinking of going out and shopping this week or next, I stopped myself and decided to throw some more money into our "extra money" account. Its money we put aside for occasions such as Christmas, Birthdays and Vacations. Its money for P to use to shop for me... and money I won't touch. I still want to spoil him rotten for Christmas... and just a hint... Online Black Friday shopping is so worth it! Especially on...Video Games. But I'm glad I stopped myself and realized how important this is for him too. I hope he enjoys it... I'm sure I'll enjoy receiving it :)

Potty Training... Its happening!!

I never thought this day would come... after at least 10 false alarms, and Evelyn thinking she was ready, and turning out to not be ready, its really here! Last Sunday, Evelyn insisted on using the potty so I took her to the bathroom... she went, and then she went again and again and again!! Words cannot describe the joy I felt knowing this was more then likely it! I really didn't think she'd want to do it for a while, and to be honest... I was mentally preparing to fly to Germany with two kids in diapers.

Its been over a week now since I have even touched a diaper! Not including pull-ups. I know in some situations pull-ups are no no's but Evelyn does not understand getting up and using the potty at night, and until she has control of her bladder, I'm not going force it.

I'm glad that I decided to take a step back and stop trying to force her into potty training... this is a huge step for her and she should be the one to make the decision to do it, not me or her Dad. Now that she's using the potty... almost like a pro, it makes me so proud to see her have made this decision.

I'm still cleaning up messes sometimes, and of course she's having an issue pooping in the potty, but I expected that. But I know we are on our way! I couldn't be prouder of my little one.

She's thrilled to keep her Minnie Mouse and Bubble Guppie panties dry, and gladly tells me she is dry when I ask her if she is. She also gets the hint that if she does good all day she gets to pick a treat from her Halloween bucket. Best use for Halloween candy I swear!

Now that she has this new found freedom... she also has decided to learn how to take clothes off, and at this point... I don't mind. I'm glad we aren't living in Utah though so she's not freezing!

32 Weeks!

Sorry for the lack of posts this week... someone became very interested in potty training this week, and I've been busy! But I'll write more on that later :)

I can't complain too much.... but I can. Its rough the last few weeks of being pregnant, and I'm pretty ready to be done. My hormones are all over the place, its hard getting up off the floor, chasing Evelyn is hard on my hips and did I mention I started to waddle? Its been a long pregnancy for me to say the least, and I'm ready to be done and meet our baby girl!

How far along: 32 weeks!

Total weight gain: I have gained 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Size and growth of the baby: According to my baby apps, she should be about 16 inches long, and about 3-4 pounds. Geeze!

Sex: It's a Girl!

Maternity clothes: I wear sweats and dresses... unless I have to wear regular pants.

Sleep: have to wake up to roll over, my hips pop when I roll.

Best moment(s) of the week: Evelyn became interested in the potty!

Food cravings/aversions: I haven't had steady cravings this pregnancy... it varies.

Morning sickness: GONE! WOO!

Labor signs: Braxton hicks.

Belly button in or out: In!

What I miss: regular sleep. No hip pains. 

What I'm looking forward to: MY next appointment. Thanksgiving menu planning.

 

 

 

Sick of it.

I really try to avoid writing posts about me being miserable in pregnancy. I know sometimes they come off as "ungrateful", or "whiney"... but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am so excited to expand our family and meet this little girl who refuses to leave my rib cage. So excited in fact that I am beyond sick of being pregnant.

I really seriously am.

I think I have had a pretty good pregnancy... could have been better at points, and it could have been worse, but all in all I'd call it a pretty normal one. But the last week... I am an emotional, hormonal, over reacting, nesting mess!! I seriously don't know how to handle it anymore.

I have SO many things coming up in the next month! Thanksgiving, P's Leave, Christmas, Anniversary, Baby being born... PLUS all the little things like finishing preparing for the baby and getting the things I will need when I have the baby. Nesting is a great thing.... but when your trying to find a happy budget medium to finish Christmas shopping before becoming a HUGE whale and buy all those other little things you need which of course none feel "inexpensive"... oh my lordy! My brain is going to explode!! Nesting this go around is a nightmare!

Did I mention how even my maternity clothes are starting to not fit... yepp. I have hit that awkward stage of not knowing my belly is hanging out in public sometimes. When I realize it all I can think about is what people must have been thinking!? I just want to constantly be in sweats... and even though I am not tired enough to want to be on the couch all day... I'd rather be on the couch.

Evelyn is in the midst of another HUGE power struggle with me... and I find myself losing my temper really fast and needing to walk away from her. I text P all the info while I bawl my eyes out feeling like there is no way in hell I can handle two kids... and then, Evelyn has one of those days... those oh so sweet days that make me feel like I can handle 5 kids. Terrible two's are definitely the worst thing I have had to go through in a while! I'd literally take a deployment over this crap!

Yesterday, after putting all my Halloween décor away, dealing with a refusing to nap toddler plus all the house work... when I got my Fall décor out, I found that I didn't seal the box from last year... found 4 cockroaches living in the box, their poop and they had been munching on some of my Styrofoam décor. It was the last thing to throw me over the edge from the day. I'm just already super hormonal and have a toddler who's fighting me on so many things, then to find out those nasty bugs were eating my stuff! Oh I called my Mom and just bawled! I'm so just ready to be back to being me again!

P and I had date night last night, and as much as I felt like I needed to get out of the house and do a big thing just us two... we settled on KFC and sitting on our couch watching The Walking Dead. It was bliss! When we picked Evelyn up, I felt so refreshed! We let her stay up a little later and we all sang our ABC's and some other songs. I just soaked it up.

I know I am bound to have some good and bad days for the next, hopefully only 9 more weeks. I know its a blessing to actually be carrying my child. I also know these are only temporary feelings I am having and pregnancy doesn't last forever. Even if it feels like it will. :)

Halloween!

Halloween is usually my favorite holiday! I have a ton of décor and my house is decked out. I'm always looking for ways to get more into the spirit of it all. It's such a unique holiday, which is why I love it so much! I'm curious how it will be in Germany next year :)

This year we actually had a lot going on! We had my churches trunk-or-treat, plus P's work's Halloween Party, Playgroups Halloween party and then Halloween! Evelyn ended up with so much candy, and I'm telling you, most of it will end up in the trash... I wish I had done the switch witch thing this year.

At my church's Halloween Party.

(ps. I got so many compliments on this shirt!)

A lot of people were confused about Evelyns costume... A LOT of people asked me if she was a ladybug. I guess that's what we get for going with the Original Minnie Mouse color of Red and not a traditional store bought costume.. also probably the fact she refused to wear her ears.

Other then that I thought Evelyn looked very adorable! this is her second time trick-or-treating and she was able to say the words "tick or treat!" and always made sure to say thank you! She knew exactly what she was doing, and nothing brings a smile to mine and P's faces more then seeing her really involved in something and enjoying it!

We had a moment during the night where she tripped and spilled some candy and Evelyn without skipping a beat said "Oh no! My candy!!" But after collecting her candy and putting it back in her bucket, she was off to the next house.

When we were done trick-or-treating we came and sat with P and passed out candy, Evelyn loved seeing everyone in their costumes! It was a really great night! I swear having kids makes Holidays so much more fun and important to me. I'm so glad Evelyn had a fun filled October and Halloween :)

Paranoia!

This has been kind of a rough last few weeks for me. As my due date approaches and nesting quickly sets in for me, I find myself feeling VERY unprepared. The girl has all the basic's and a few extras, and a few more things on the to-do list that aren't expensive.

This pregnancy is way different then when I was pregnant with Evelyn. With Evelyn, I was living at home, P was deployed, I could pretty much buy what I wanted with that extra money... so I was pretty prepared when I entered into the single week count down. This go around... I have been bargain shopping like a mad woman since I found out I was pregnant. I've gotten a lot of the things I need PLUS the added bonus of things I really wanted.

When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I had weird dreams all the time... this time, only a few here and there. But this time, I am having dreams about going into labor SUPER early. I'm talking like any day now type of early. I'm to the point where I almost feel the need to pack up a hospital bag it's freaking me out so badly.

I made arrangements with a good friend here and she's willing to take Evelyn whenever I go into labor. My Mom's flight is booked, and she'll be here a few days after Christmas. I only need a few more things for myself for the hospital and first few weeks, but I still can't shake this feeling I am having.

I hope its just me freaking out about becoming a mommy of two, and not a real serious thing. I know the dangers of having a baby earlier, especially in the colder months.

The funny thing about my dreams is that even though I am "in labor", no one believes me! Not even the hospital. I even find myself waking up from the dreams grasping onto a hard belly. I'm just not sure, and there is no way to even be sure!

P and I have been doing great and preparing my body for labor & delivery. Lots of stretching, lots of breathing exercises and when I'm up for it we go for a long walk. (usually I can't walk too long or far without some Braxton Hicks contractions). When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I avoided almost all of that, because I NEEDED P to be here for Evelyn's birth... worked out pretty good for us, since he was there. But I wonder if all this preparing will also make labor happen earlier this go around... I was over due by a day with Evelyn, and I was induced. This go around, no induction unless needed... and lets face it... I'm actually sexually active with my husband this go around... so who knows if that will stir anything up.

Now my belly and body are getting all nervous just thinking about it all! AHH!

I'm going to stop talking about it for now. Tomorrow I am 31 weeks. 9 more to go people!!

30 Weeks!

Yesterday I hit the big mark!! 30 weeks means a lot, because I am into single number weeks until this little girl arrives... hopefully! I'm hoping to not go past my due date again, but I'm sure I will. Its getting crazy real now! Her room is almost complete, I just need a few more random things for her and I am stoked!

I'm a little bummed that it seems like I won't be getting a shower this go around... I'm not sure if I feel like its tacky to have a shower for your second, but really it would have been helpful for a few things. But I have been lucky enough to find lots of great deals on used items, so I can't complain too much :)


How far along: 30 weeks!

Total weight gain: At my last appointment I am still -2 lbs.

Size and growth of the baby: According to my baby apps, she should be about 15 inches long, and about 3 pounds. Geeze!

Sex: It's a Girl!

Maternity clothes: I wear sweats and dresses... unless I have to wear regular pants.

Sleep: It varies night to night. But usually pretty good, with a few times getting up to use the restroom.

Best moment(s) of the week: Evelyn being in love with my belly :)

Food cravings/aversions: I haven't had steady cravings this pregnancy... it varies.

Morning sickness: GONE! WOO!

Labor signs: Braxton hicks and that's it.

Belly button in or out: In!

What I miss: regular sleep. No back pain.

What I'm looking forward to: The trunk or treat with Evelyn tonight, then one on Monday, and then Halloween!! This time of year is my favorite!!

 

The downside to Germany... for me.

The process of us moving to a new country has only just begun. We are in the baby stages, getting the little things done, preparing for the big things. Its a huge process to move, but move to another country... its a bigger list of things to do. I am getting excited about going, and although P has his hopes up about visiting every. single. place. I am being more realistic about it.

One thing that isn't far from my mind is being away from family. You see, I am a BIG family person. I always have adored my brothers and sister, niece and nephews, and as of growing out of that teenager attitude my parents fit into that category now. I am not very happy about missing out on lives and get togethers... I have been pretty lucky since getting married, that I have been home for some good events at home. Sadly I've missed a friends funeral, and a few family emergencies... and P's and mines goal was to move closer so that I could be more included on those things, especially while he is away.

I have had to come to the realization that moving to Germany, although it will be an amazing experience and I know it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, that I will miss out on things... a lot of things.

I have a Grandpa with Alzheimer's and I am positive that if he is not gone by the end of the 3 years in Germany, that he will have no idea who I am. I have become very close to my Grandpa in the last few years, and he has opened up to me a lot about his military experience in the Korean War. Its hard to think he may pass away while I am gone, or forget who I am. I've cried about that a few times. Its inevitable.

I know that I am lucky to move... but I don't think any move is that easy for anyone. You can be so excited... but there's always going to be that one downside. This is mine.

I don't like the thought of knowing when I get back that my nephew will be graduating high school... that my niece and nephew will be in high school! I'm missing out on huge points in their lives, and although they know their Aunt Lizzy, it really bothers me to know that I'll be missing out. My youngest nephew and Evelyn just adore each other... and they won't get that cousin experience I had growing up with my own cousins... and that sucks! The baby will be 3 when Germany is done, and although I am sure I'll make a few trips home, my brothers and the grandparents will be missing out on her growing up.

Thank god for technology.

I'm so glad that P and I are getting this experience, and so are our girls. Who would have thought that a little girl from a town in Utah would be moving to Europe! I certainly didn't see this in my future, but I am excited to have the experience.

I know it will be hard to be away.. and I'll have to find some great ways to be involved in the kid's lives, and it will be the same on their end. It's no fun to miss out on huge family events and even the sad events that happen. I always want to be there for my family, but I'm so glad they have all made it so much easier on me and are so supportive of us. Its going to be really hard, but I know it will work out, and hopefully nothing really bad happens while I am away. Maybe I'll get lucky and all of them will take a vacation to see us... haha yeah right! I can dream though can't I?

Finally Some Fun!

I have felt really bad the last few months. Summers in the South are seriously awful! The humidity is horrid, the heat is overpowering and unless you're getting in a body of water, its really not that great! I'll also be honest about something... I don't handle heat very well at all! I can't stand being stuck to my clothes, drinking so much water which then leads to peeing every 5 minutes. I just suck at Summer. On top of the regular summer issues, I was also pregnant this year... I've been pregnant in the summer before, but I was 7 months along by the time it started to get hot, and it didn't bother me one damn bit to not leave the house. Now I have Evelyn... so not leaving the house isn't always an option... but still, if we didn't get out early in the morning, or be going to the pool.. we didn't spend much time outside. I'm lucky she's two and doesn't really care. But still this summer wasn't a fun one.

Finally here in good ol' NC it has cooled down! I haven't seen the sun in maybe 2 weeks, and I don't care! Evelyn and I are out having fun almost every single day! Its been a blast to be out with her. I think P has been enjoying that we are getting out too.

The last few weekends we have had trips to the parks, pumpkin patches, painting pumpking, carving pumpkins... I mean really we have had fun! I'm even more so in the mood to get her doing more things indoors when I am busy cleaning or whatever else I need to do. You can definitely see a difference with Evelyn in how she feels.

I could really beat myself up about not being active this summer, but I can only do so much. Having morning sickness and chasing a toddler was ALOT! Plus keeping up on all my household duties... sometimes it just was hard enough to stay awake because I was so exhausted. I was lucky enough that P helped pick up the slack, and Evelyn was very patient in waiting for Mommy to feel better. Now that its cooler and I am feeling loads better, except for a few Braxton hicks here and there, we will be getting out lots more before baby comes and we are limited to doing too much again. I am so glad I can make things up to her as time goes on and she's just as happy as can be about it.

cherish the moments.

I gotta say... that title is something I have a very hard time doing, especially lately. I have been so frustrated with my toddler and her terrible twos that I am almost projecting them onto other people. I've even contemplated losing a few friends because I can't stand that they don't know how hard it is for me to have Evelyn all day and be pregnant.

I realize exactly how ridiculous that statement sounds. Lets face it, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Its no one's fault that Evelyn is testing boundaries and that I am tired and more easily frustrated then I usually am.

Yesterday was one of my hard days... and I tell you, it was bad. I was so frustrated that after punishing Evelyn and getting after her for not listening and just flat out horrible behavior, I just sat down and bawled my eyes out. Evelyn kept telling me that it was ok and that I was indeed crying, and it cheered me up a bit. Finally I text P and told him that I was quitting the day, that he would be coming home to a wife on the couch and a toddler in front of the TV. Luckily he was super nice about it, and just knew I needed to stop. I mean we all reach that breaking point at one point or another where we just need to stop. We need to do it for our own sanity! Nothing wrong with that either.

This morning I woke up, and while laying in bed checking FB and other social media sites I learned that a member of my church just found out her son has cancer. This little boy is maybe...7, they just moved away at are in Utah visiting family when they found out the news, and that he will be starting Chemo this morning. As I laid there thinking about them and how they must be feeling when I did what I think almost everyone does... you think about what if that was your child. The ache in your heart gets worse, your heart breaks for that family a little more, and then I realized how if I had just found out Evelyn was sick that I would have just had a horrible day with her where I wasn't happy with her and her behavior... and that made me sick to my stomach.

I know its ok to have moments with your child that aren't perfect, and that we all need down time and moments of relaxing when your child is just not behaving.

So after a moment to letting that settle in, I could hear Evelyn playing in her room, for once she didn't climb in my bed this morning, so I called for her to come to me and she came running in my room with the sweetest smile and said "hi mama!", I held my arms out to her and she jumped right into them, I brought her up into my bed and laid her next to me and began to tell her how much I loved her, and as she always does she respond with "you too *kiss*", and I told myself that today will be a better day, if not for me then for this family who has a long journey ahead of them.

28 Weeks!

Its been 8 weeks since my last update! WOOPS! dropped the ball this pregnancy.

How far along: 28 weeks!

Total weight gain: At my last appointment I am still -2 lbs.

Size and growth of the baby: Size of an Eggplant

Sex: It's a Girl!

Maternity clothes: I wear sweats and dresses... unless I have to wear regular pants.

Sleep: Its pretty much horrible now.

Best moment(s) of the week: Getting the room more put together.

Food cravings/aversions: Apple Pie. Milky Way. Pepsi.

Morning sickness: GONE! WOO!

Labor signs: Braxton hicks and that's it.

Belly button in or out: In!

What I miss: not waddling. and also feeling better, I've been sick all week.

What I'm looking forward to: finishing up her room soon!

 

How I ended up co-sleeping...

I have never wanted to co-sleep... I really didn't. When I was pregnant with Evelyn and I was living at home, my brother and his wife were co-sleeping with their son. I saw the good, the bad and all the in-between with co-sleeping. Because my nephew was almost one when I moved home, I didn't see it as a big deal...but the farther it went the more I saw it as an inconvenience. To this day my nephew is 3 1/2 and is still in bed with them. I've never ever minded Evelyn sleeping in bed with us on certain occasions such as her being sick or being on vacations. I just never wanted to have an older kid in bed with me.

When I first got pregnant with baby #2, I was seriously ex-haust-ed! no joke. I had never felt so tired in my life. Evelyn started getting up at 5:30 and when she would come into my room to get me, I'd pull her into bed with me, and she'd go straight back to sleep... here we are, I am now 28 weeks along and about 5am every morning, Evelyn is climbing in bed with me to sleep... and earlier if she can.

I haven't minded it. Its been nice having her there, she sleeps so well. But I also realize that with a new baby on the way and about to come into my room to sleep (in a bassinet), that having both my girls right there might not be so smart. I also don't want to let Evelyn think that her new sister is getting more attention, or that Mommy loves the new baby more then her. So I'm at a cross roads.

P is not a fan of Evelyn sleeping in bed with me after he leaves for work... and he's honestly not happy that the new baby will be in our room when she's first born. But its not his choice ;).... just kidding.

I am not 100% on what to do. I am sure that I need to talk Evelyn into going back into her own bed... but when I have done that, I felt bad, I miss my little baby and she'll only be my only child for less then 3 short months now. I just miss her. But I also don't want conflict when the baby comes, especially if I am not sleeping well, or the baby some how ends up in my bed and then I won't know Evelyn's in the bed as well... its so confusing!

I've given myself a little break... told myself to just love on Evelyn a little longer. I'll always want to love on her... but she's almost 2 1/2... which means she's almost 3! and soon... she wont want to cuddle me... and I cannot stand that thought. I don't know what I'll do but for now... I am just going to hold onto my little one a little longer.

Whats up with Evelyn.

I really truly believed for a long time that Evelyn was a perfect little angel. She has her good and bad days, but usually she's pretty good. I almost never had to punish her or practically beg her to pick up her toys. She did everything with a smile...

Fast forward a few months... Holy hell! Evelyn is still an amazing little girl, but she's in time out at least 3 times a day, usually for not listening. She's started her "drama queen" attitude, which is a total mirror image of who I was until I was 18 (woo), she also doesn't like to pick up toys... just for her to pick up her room it takes us about 15 minutes (max), to get her started, it usually hits the breaking point when she gets put in time out for hitting/running away from me. I really sometimes have no idea where that sweet little toddler went. P and I finally decided to put child locks on the doors so that she cannot enter any room she pleases and make messes. Her room also has one on it, so we can contain the messes.

For the most part though... I do have to say I have a little sweetheart. She is so in love with her Daddy and really in love with my belly. She is having a hard time learning boundaries with me now that I cannot be her trampoline, but I try to be very forgiving. I know how much her life is about to change and we are doing our best to prepare her for her Sissy.

I'm lucky enough that a few of my friends have had babies lately and I just love how in awe she is of all these little babies. She doesn't touch without permission and just says "awe how cute!", "its a baby!", "shhh she's sleeping". She's done great and I can only hope she'll keep it up with her new sibling. My mom reminds me though I might have to worry about her trying to mother her sibling, but I can't expect Evelyn to be a complete angel either. I'm sure we'll end up with some funny stories.

Evelyn is suddenly super interested in Pirates! I know that P is stoked that Evelyn will pick up sticks outside and they can have a little duel. She's completely in love with Hook, and screams every time he comes on Jake and the Neverland Pirates. But she's still very girlie and loves to dress up and is still in love with Minnie Mouse.

We started doing school time with her. We registered for ABCmouse.com and Evelyn has been really enjoying it! She is mainly focusing on her ABC's, animals and numbers. She used to really try with her colors and suddenly everything is now "ink!" to her, so I had that take a backseat, but still correct her if she calls her banana's, "ink".

Other then that, Evelyn is still a really great kid! She gets along so well with other children and is usually just so happy to be alive! She loves acting like a big kid, although she's super NOT interested in potty training, but we are working on it :) We are so blessed to have this little girl apart of our lives, I have high hopes for her future.

Making the Big Decision to move to Germany!

This is a big one for our family. It hasn't really been a secret that my husband hasn't been happy with the brigade he is in here at Fort Bragg. Since he finished Airborne school and got settled he has been even more unhappy with it, so since we've been here he's been plotting his way to get out of here. When we found out he would have to be here at least 2 years it kinda made life settle down a bit. Since his unit here is now disbanded and he's been dealing with a new brigade it's caused him to want to leave even more. So because his re-enlistment window opened and we are now expecting a baby I told him to do what he needs to do.

We were offered Germany and Alaska straight off the bat! I always knew I'd say yes to Alaska... but Germany? What a big opportunity... and a really scary one! I'm so close to my family, and the goal was to move closer to them... and Germany definitely isn't closer! After a few debates and a few discussions with a friend who's currently living there, we had decided to go for it, but when he went to tell them yes, Germany was off the table. He was disappointed and I even was a little bit. But I knew that P had more goals for his career and even though Germany is an amazing opportunity, there's not much excelling he really can do there... at least what he wants to do.

P decided he wanted to put in for it anyways and see if it got him anywhere, and if it didn't he would finish his Airborne contract (3 years) here at Bragg. Seemed reasonable to me, no moving after having a baby? Awesome! So that happened on a Monday, and I went about my week like normal... I was pretty confident that he wouldn't get it. I got a phone call on Thursday from P and this is how it went;

Me: Hello?
P: Hey! Guess what!!
Me: *thinking he's deploying*... great what now?
P: We are moving to Germany!
Me:....are you freaking kidding me?
P: Nope! I report in May!
Me: Oh shit.
P: You excited?
Me: Give me a few hours. I love you, congrats!
P: Love you too, thanks!

Yepp... I wanted to pass out. It took me a few hours to really process this. I have been excited to move again, but moving to another country? This is a whole new ballgame! I am obviously more excited now then I was for those few moments. I am ridiculously scared of being very far away from family and then something happening to someone. When we first got to Fort Bragg my little sister had 2 emergency surgeries, more crap went on with my little brother and my Grandpa's Alzheimer's got worse. I planned a trip home almost right after getting here, and if you followed my blog, I spent the whole summer in Utah, which was ok since P had trainings to go to anyways! So I'm a little hesitant to move, but knowing how excited my parents are to go to Europe is exciting me! I won't be the one not seeing family for 3 years and they have assured me, which makes me feel like 100x's better!

Its weird though.. I have babies and within months of them being born, I move. Evelyn moved twice in her first year of life! And now this baby will be born here in NC and then 4 months later we will be homeless visiting family and then off to Germany. I am however very happy that P is here and can make this move easy with two kids.

So now that I am excited I have been trying to learn all I can about where I am heading too... for one thing Germany is about $0.24 more expensive per USD, and it seems like you pay for almost everything... bathrooms, grocery carts, letting your kids play in the play area... I mean that's just a little much! But it's an experience, and I have yet to hear one person say they hated Germany... most tell me how much they miss it. So I'm embracing it. I know it will be hard to be far away... but I know that this is one of those once in a lifetime opportunities for us.