I am a failure. I promise you guys, I wanted to do my best and I tried. I don't know what my mental block is but its definitely something I'm trying to move past.
Ahh....I gained weight back.
I am pretty ashamed to say it. I really wish that I didn't lose my control or feel like I could do what I wanted again. I am back on my way to trying. I can definitely say that my eating habits have changed! I do not eat red meat more then once, maybe twice a week. I eat chicken and fish a lot. But I will admit that we have gotten into a pasta rut. I have my 2 snacks a day. I eat breakfast and lunch. I know I have slide back into have a soda more...I do have Diet Coke now instead of Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. I still drink a ton of water though.
I mentioned before in a Lets Get Curvy post, that I started supplements to help the weight come off, and I had a week were I spaced it off and forgot! The husband was in the field and it slipped my mind being so busy with Evelyn. I gained 4 lbs! in a flipping week! I didn't spend it eating fast food either! I made meals, I went out one time. I don't know what happened.
I need to exercise better for sure. I wish it was easier to go to the gym. The "play areas" for kids and pretty much for kids...walking kids. I thought the neighborhood center gym would have a good area for Evelyn but there is a big wall between you and the kids and just 2 huge windows, which Evelyn is too short to be seen over them. No daycare at the gyms either. I dont have friends here, well besides the ones I want to work out with. The husband hates to babysit after work because its "his time to relax", so I am backed into a corner. I probably should buy work out DVD's. If you know anything good please suggest them to me!
I have thoughts like "I wish I was one of those girls that could starve themselves skinny". Yes amazing thoughts I am having. I really do wish weight was easier to come off of me, but its not. I really feel like even though I had a few rough patches that I do try. I do. Its natural for someone who has never really dieted in there life to have a few rough patches. I accept that, but I don't accept me feeling awful about how I look anymore, and I am really trying to change. I want to feel sexy and I want to feel like my husband thinks I am sexy. I want to not see my body and wish I could slice off half my belly and suction out fat in various places. I want to be that girl that says yeah I look better then I did, and I feel amazing!
Back to the drawing board and hopefully I can post another Lets Get Curvy post soon!