Thursday, May 3, 2012

Failing.

I am a failure. I promise you guys, I wanted to do my best and I tried. I don't know what my mental block is but its definitely something I'm trying to move past.

Ahh....I gained weight back.

I am pretty ashamed to say it. I really wish that I didn't lose my control or feel like I could do what I wanted again. I am back on my way to trying. I can definitely say that my eating habits have changed! I do not eat red meat more then once, maybe twice a week. I eat chicken and fish a lot. But I will admit that we have gotten into a pasta rut. I have my 2 snacks a day. I eat breakfast and lunch. I know I have slide back into have a soda more...I do have Diet Coke now instead of Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. I still drink a ton of water though.

I mentioned before in a Lets Get Curvy post, that I started supplements to help the weight come off, and I had a week were I spaced it off and forgot! The husband was in the field and it slipped my mind being so busy with Evelyn. I gained 4 lbs! in a flipping week! I didn't spend it eating fast food either! I made meals, I went out one time. I don't know what happened.

I need to exercise better for sure. I wish it was easier to go to the gym. The "play areas" for kids and pretty much for kids...walking kids. I thought the neighborhood center gym would have a good area for Evelyn but there is a big wall between you and the kids and just 2 huge windows, which Evelyn is too short to be seen over them. No daycare at the gyms either. I dont have friends here, well besides the ones I want to work out with. The husband hates to babysit after work because its "his time to relax", so I am backed into a corner. I probably should buy work out DVD's. If you know anything good please suggest them to me!

I have thoughts like "I wish I was one of those girls that could starve themselves skinny". Yes amazing thoughts I am having. I really do wish weight was easier to come off of me, but its not. I really feel like even though I had a few rough patches that I do try. I do. Its natural for someone who has never really dieted in there life to have a few rough patches. I accept that, but I don't accept me feeling awful about how I look anymore, and I am really trying to change. I want to feel sexy and I want to feel like my husband thinks I am sexy. I want to not see my body and wish I could slice off half my belly and suction out fat in various places. I want to be that girl that says yeah I look better then I did, and I feel amazing!

Back to the drawing board and hopefully I can post another Lets Get Curvy post soon!

8 comments:

Allison C said...

Try using myfitnesspal. It's helped me lose ~14lbs. They have a mobile app too. You can lose weight by dieting, the thing I have discovered with myfitnesspal, is that what I thought was 1 serving was actually a lot more, especially with pasta. Also a lot of people on that site recommend "30 day shred", I guess you can find the 1st part on youtube. It helps them "tone up"

KD said...

I'm sorry you're feeling that way about your body. :-( Not good.

As for DVDs, Crunch Fitness makes some of my favorite! My go-to is Super SlimDown: Pilates-Yoga Blend. The 40 minutes go by super fast, and it's even on Netflix watch instantly, I believe. Drew thinks it's hilarious to watch me too! It'll change your body… my waste is already smaller and I only do it twice a week or so.

I hope you get some positive reinforcement soon, on the scale or otherwise. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're beautiful!!

Elizabeth said...

Have you checked into hourly care on post? With me starting school I think I'm going to stick to morning workouts and get them out of the way.

Marysol Z. said...

How about walking with her? I'm training for a half marathon-running but there walking programs online available also. That way you can have another goal besides just the scale moving, having another goal is what is motivating me now. Good luck!

Amber said...

You'll get back on track in no time! Try walks with her, that's exercise that doesn't require a sitter :) And diet sodas are actually worse for you than regular sodas. The artificial sweeteners are terrible for you! Everyone has set backs in weight loss, it's ok! And tell the hubs that if he wants a smokin hot wife, he needs to step up once in awhile and watch the baby so you can work out :) Good luck!

Chantal said...

Don't feel like you failed! Just accept that you've gained some weight back and jump on it. Netflix has good work out videos on Instant Play!

Lou said...

you didnt fail!!! it happens to everyone, trust me its happened to me. Me and Guinn are doing south beach it was rough at first but now that we are on phase 2 we can eat pretty much anything we want except white bread and sugar...but finding sugar free becomes so natural and even better tasting!! I dont know if your interested in it but it sure helped me! Im sure youll get backn on track i have faith!

Cassidy said...

I agree with the others, you're not a failure. At all! You need motivation and there's nothing wrong with that. We all do, we just have to find what works for us. A suggestion? Make a goal for yourself a small goal. Work with 5 lbs, then 10 lbs then 20 lbs. With each goal you hit, indulge in something that's not food. Get your nails done, hair, new shirt something you've been admiring for a while. Also, make a routine. Routines are what keep you going. Here's mine it might help but I haven't fallen off the wagon, and when a wrench is thrown into my routine I use it to work around with mine.

Morning. Get up, let the dogs out, and make the hubby breakfast. While I make his breakfast I make us green smoothies. My breakfast is the smoothie since I put so many things into mine. I'll enjoy the 30 minutes he's got home after PT and before he returns. When he leaves I make time for 30 minutes of yoga and 40 minutes of walking my pit. It's daily. It's every morning and before the heat of the day when I can ENJOY it. This way I can say 'I did it all this morning' instead of a possible 'Oh I'll do it later.' Later never works. You can do it honey!!

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