Saturday, May 5, 2012


The last day I have felt really down about friendships I have had in the past. I have begun to realize I am way too flipping nice. 

This week I am babysitting a kid I have met once...for two days. His mom is friends with a girl I thought I was friends with back at Riley. She was backed into a corner and needed a sitter because she was due any day now. So when she contacted me about watching her boy I said yes. I'd be rude not to, considering I was her last resort. Not only did I watch her child, I cleaned her house and offered to make her dinner. Call me a "Mormon" or a "Utahn" but this is just what you do for someone that has a baby, you clean and cook for them. Apparently I have overwhelmed her with how nice I can be, and I could tell I was making it awkward. It was never my intention to make it awkward, but now that I write it down, I can see how awkward it would be to have a person you've met once or twice vacuum your floors and do your dishes. Nether-less I was trying to be helpful so when she gets home she can relax. 

This has brought upon many emotions for myself. I have realized that I really am entirely too nice. I have not one friend that I have had my whole life. Yes a few childhood friends here and there that I see every blue moon. But any from Middle School or High School? Not one do I talk to anymore. Its a sad fact that I am living with. I will say this though....usually these "friendships" do not end because I have done something wrong. Its usually me giving up trying to keep in touch with someone who clearly has no interest in keeping in contact with me.

I spent the night cuddling with my husband and crying because its becoming more and more true to be that I seem destined to not have life long friends. Something I have always wanted. I do not know why I am not desired as more then a temporary friend, and it really hurts my feelings. I know that is not the original intention at all, and I still will be looking for real friends.

I am not here for a pitty party or here for anyone to volunteer to be my friend, I am nearly writting this to get it off my chest. I am forever grateful that My Husband and I have such an amazing friendship. I'm glad I can tell him everything and not feel the need to hold anything back. He is my best friend and I am grateful for that. 


Morgan Neal said...

Well I love you to death girl! And I have only met you once!:) Keep your chin up! We need a date soon:)

Elizabeth said...

The shitty part of being a milspouse! :( I feel the same way hun, and hopefully with you guys staying here you can find some friends through FRG or something. And of course I'm here, even though I've been in a funk.
You did a really nice thing for that lady. I'm probably just a bitch and wouldn't have thought about cleaning up for her, but that is really sweet of you, and very nice of you to watch her little boy while she was in the hospital.

Don't sweat it. She obviously doesn't appreciate what you did for her.

zajanica said...

I think what you did was awesome, and Im sure it wasnt that that overwhemled her but the fact that she was having a baby too... Dont ever change who you are for fear of being not nice. Maybe that lady will turn out to be one of your lifelong friends. :)

I feel the same as you. I have lots of acquaintances but really my 2 best friends I haven't seen in years, yes I get to talk to them on the phone but not much. I wish I had more close friends, but honestly the last few years with some health issues I have been dealing with I have some good friends on the internet and not as many real life. My husband keeps telling me to stop living through my kids and the computer but for now it works. Unfortunately I have found that friends I have made in the last few years are more about using and hurting that adding to a true friendship so I find myself guarded!

Dont change yourself. Your husband sounds like the most amazing best friend! :)

Kristi said...

If its any comfort to you, you're not alone in this. I could have written this post about my friendships too!

Natalie and Remington said...

One of the bummer things about going to Tooele High! I am still friends with a girl I went to junior high and high school with, but could I really call her for anything? Not really.. We will probably see each other maybe once every six months. Wish we could have known each other better in high school!

Lou said...

I LOVE YOU...and you can come vacumm my floors any day. I think who you are and what you do is honestly wonderful and genuine. I wish i could be more like that, you are full of love and helpfullness. Many people dream oh having friends like you. Keep your head up beautiful :)

Audrey Spence said...

Thank goodness for family! They're always there! ;)

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