Thursday, October 7, 2010

Why is the biggest question?

So lately I have been debating back and forth on if I should move home when Hubby deploys. I am coming up with more Pro's to move home then to stay here. I had a big talk with Hubby and my parents and all 3 of them want me to go home.
I was staying to help a friend out, who has 2 kids and is on disability and also because of the things going on with a sibling...but now that things with that sibling are really settling down, my friend is starting to..blow me off.
Today on my FB, I put a status that just said...its time for me to start thinking about what I want and need.....my "dear" friend responded with....Why??
Hmm...why is the question. Why should I start to beginning to question if I am staying here for the right reasons or not? Why shouldn't I get what I want? Why should I have to stay where I feel I am being used?
Its not a fun thing for me to be selfish...but I am think I need to be. I have so much support at home. I have a huge history with depression, and I know it will be worse with Hubby away. I can have a job at home, with people I love, a job I am good at, and flexible hours! Why should I have to be at someone else's beck and call, who finds it so easy to blow me off?
Which is what she does. I am only useful to her when she's bored. Its a lot for me to be selfish, like I have said before...I am not a mean person, and I know she's going through a hard time, but its just no fair and definitely not ok for her to ask so much of me, and then have me feel only at use when she has no other options. I feel for her, I really do..but is what she's doing to me right in anyway?
I pretty much have my mind made up, though I do want to think on it for a few days. I don't want this choice to be rushed in anyway, and I want to always remember I didn't jump into such a huge decision. I am possibly ruining a friendship making this choice.
Hubby has told me, if she ruins your friendship over this then it wasnt a friendship to begin with. I know he is right. But how do I tell her? I think...I need to not care. Its my choice my life, and if it's one thing I need to learn is that in a year or two I wont be here anymore, and even if our friendship makes it...we will never see eachother again, or even talk.
I think my mind is made up.

4 comments:

Audrey Spence said...

One thing that I always find helps me get the answer is to pray about it. But definitely do what is best for you. It's always nice to help people but its okay to be selfish in a situation like that. You need to take care of yourself too and if you think your depression will be a problem while hubby is away maybe you should be with your family when they know you best and can help you best.

Poekitten said...

I think you should think about what you need while he's deployed. That might be a little selfish, but what good is it to stay around to help a friend and than not be able to do that well? There's nothing wrong with going home...do what's best for you.

Lizzie Fish said...

Girl you are not being selfish. Your priority is to make it so that your hubs doesn't need to worry AT ALL about you while he's deployed. You can move back a month before he's scheduled to come home to set up, so that he has somewhere to come HOME to. It's sweet of you to be concerned for your friend and to want to give of your time, but moving back with your parents and being around people who love you and will be there for YOU is actually one of the most unselfish things you could do.

I'm just saying. You have your own family (you and your husband) and that comes first. =)

xoxo
totally random stranger fellow military wife =)

hmb said...

Gotta do what's best for you! I stayed on post and visited quite frequently. That worked out well for me (a mix of the two...). Deployments are a good time to grow as an individual so you should go to the place that you can do that best!!

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