Have you ever had those days where you and the hubby can't talk for one reason or another and then thats the day you absolutly need a companion?...well that happens to happen to me everytime!
Yesterday I had my 35 week check up with my OB, and found out my daughter is measuring at the exact same size as she was last check up...Shes mesuring at 32 weeks...which is not normal. Last check up I was 33 weeks so I didnt think it was so bad, until the doctor told me this time shes still mesuring at 32..a million things ran through my head. He has been an amazing doctor and told me its very possible that shes just very low and he cannot mesure her all the way, but then there is always the chance she has completly stopped growing, and something is wrong.
First thought going through my head was, am I going to need a C-Section ASAP? and if so will there be time for Hubby to make the trip back to the USA in time? Second thought, what if this is unfixable? Third...is she going to be ok?
Right now my husband does not have internet...after the attack last Monday, they all moved into a concrete building and are sharing rooms again. Everytime he goes to get internet the guy isnt there..which is SUPER frustrating. The phone lines were fnally fixed and now they have been shut down again for one reason or another, so the only form of communication I have with him is through emails while he is working...which when he is at work is when I am sleeping and only a few hours of the day while I am awake.
So I wont really know anything until my ultrasound which is stupidly schedualed for Wednesday. Everyone always says the same comforting method..."dont worry she'll be fine" or "nothing bad is gonna happen I promise"....dear lord, I could kill people. I know in my heart everything works out for the best, even if it takes a long time to feel that way...but the biggest thought in my head at this moment is.."what if shes not alright??"...then what happens?
This is why 12 month deployments SUCK. This whole deployment I have gone through living with my abuser, to having PTSD again, to having 2 brothers in jail, to my husbands batallion being attacked, plus on top of that all the stresses of being pregnant. I want to seriously know when the fuck this is going to end! When will the shit storm stop?
Right now...I can really only hope for the best, and if Hubby needs to come home sooner then thats fine. Will I be able to reach him ASAP so that he can possibly make it home on time? I have no idea. But for right now its yet another sitting and waiting game...and I am sick of waiting.