Thursday, March 24, 2011

FML...sometimes.

I'm really trying not to bitch and moan. But....all I wanna do right now is scream.

No one knows this....but my brother is out of jail. The police arnt done with their investigation and they had no choice but to release him. While he is not in my house, my parents....ok scratch that....my mom is trying to help him, so that he isnt on the streets but because she gave him the rest of his paycheck and is...somehow announcing on facebook that he is going to the bars at night, I dont think...or at least I hope this doesnt last long.

Another thing in my life is yesterday while I was at the Spa with my Mom and Sister-In-Law I got an email from Hubby asking if his mom could come out to Utah when the baby is born....I suggested this months ago! But now that its getting closer and I'm getting more nervous, I really dont want her to come.....call me selfish, but I really want this time alone with Hubby. I havnt had him the entire pregnancy....and its been WAY harder then I expected.
We flew my mother in law out to Riley, before Hubby deployed....and she wouldnt talk to me unless Hubby was home. She slept all day and would only come out of her room if Hubby was there. He talked to her and told her to wake up and do something with me, and she went to starbucks with me, one time....and when we got home, she went to bed. I kinda ran at a loss....we get along on the phone...but I dont know. I just dont know if I wanna deal with it all.
My mom says I am being really selfish but I cant help but have reservations about it all. Now Hubby is mad at me, for not jumping up and down and being super stoked.....I dont know. I feel like such a bitch.

I dont know. I know I suck for venting....and I am sorry I am such a pain. But I just am losing my mind.....glad not to be pregnant and alone...but sometimes, I do wonder...would it have been easier if I had just stayed in Riley? I dont know....5 more months and I can move back...just 5.

4 comments:

Ash@Life As Lucy said...

I would feel the same way in your position. My mother-in-law has maybe spoken 2 sentences to me in the nearly 4 years we have been married, has only seen caylee once [when she was 3 months old] and wouldn't even so much as hold her or anything. Sometimes you need to be selfish for you and your family. it's not about her, it's about you, your husband and your beautiful baby! She seems a lot like my mother in law so if you feel you don't want her there, then don't have her there. i hope you figure things out love!

Chapa Style said...

Stating the obvious: Having a baby is a huge deal! If you're not 100% comfortable having her there, then don't. Your baby, yourself, and your husband are what you should focus on. That bonding time is really important & stressing about how she'll act isn't something that should be worried about.
I hope you figure things out, though. And if you decide to not have her there, I hope your husband understands.

Lou said...

I agree with everyone else, take care of your comfort, not the comfort of others because its conviennet.

The Sometimes Single Mom said...

Here's my thoughts, let her come. It might be a great bonding experience for the both of you. Having a baby, whether it's your first, second, fifth, etc., is always going to be a big deal. It's a new life that was brought into the world through love. Is this going to be your MIL's first grandchild?

You don't have to have anyone in the room with you that you don't want to be there when you have the baby. Or you can simply as that she wait a few weeks after the baby is born so that you can start to heal and bond with the baby and then she can do all the things that grandparents do with their grandchildren.

In my experience with my family and my in-laws, I can't let one side of the family do something and not let the other. Having in-laws is a lot like having two (or more) kids, what is good for one is good for the other.

You'll make the right choice for you when it comes down to it. Don't psych yourself. Just try to relax and talk to your husband, because ultimately it is going to boil down to you and him. :)

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