Clarification..

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am sorry I am not commenting on your blogs. I really am. I know no one is mad at me (yet) but my dads computer is a desktop and its the one I am currently using, since leaning over with a laptop or sitting a big thing in front of my big belly is annoying I am using this because its much easier! But it does not let me comment on blogs...wether its Bloggers fault or the computers I dont know. But dont forget I love you!!
This also means I havent been able to follow new blogs, especially from my new followers. I'm sorry dont hate me! I am a very lazy pregnant woman and I am trying to take it as easy as I can on myself since I dont wanna force my body into labor yet, plus I already cant get up by myself or sleep very well. I am reading your blogs though!! Cant wait to have the little one out so I can interact with you more. Just be patient with me.

Love you all!!!

MILSpouses

Today I am so happy! My best friend Kylie who I have known since I was 12! Is here! Her husband has been deployed with my husband for the last 7 1/2 months and is here for R&R...Kylie didnt move home for the deployment and I havent been able to see her so I am super excited to see her.
When you have little to no interaction with any other MILSpouses it really does take a major toll on you. Talking/Texting doesn't always help. I need someone who understands, and I need someone who doesnt make me feel like I have to constantly talk about how my husband is doing! That or when I do need to talk about how he is doing, I dont feel like its so akward.
I've heard many new MILSpouses say they dont need Military friends. The friends back at home understand how hard this life is......WRONG! All my friends here avoid me! No joke. I have had a few friendly interactions since I have been home, but everyone knows I am pregnant...so there goes all their party time if they want to hang out with me, PLUS I am married with a husband who just isnt in the picture right now, so I'm not single and I cant go to parties and go to clubs and hang out with a ton of guys like my single friends want to. I love being married to my husband!! I wouldnt change it for anything, he is so adorable! But right now it would sure be nice to have people around me who understand the challenges I face.
When the attack on their FOB happened a few weeks ago, I was here in Utah..with no one to talk to about it. If I needed to talk I had to TXT or Call a friend in Kansas and talk. But here zip..nadda..zilch.
I'm glad I moved home...its given Hubby and I the chance to save some money and pay off our car plus get all the things our Little Love is going to need without breaking our budget. I have gotten alot closer with a few of my family members, and though it sucked hard core for the first 5 months, I'm finally at a place were I'm settled and ready to move on. I'm ready to move back to Kansas and start my life with my husband and daughter. I honestly cant wait!! Oh did I mention...I am so ready to have friends again :)

Blog Make-Over Complete!

I am so very very happy with this design! I loved my design before but after a while I felt like I needed an upgrade. I had Brea over at Utterly Chaotic Designs do up my blog. She gave me a great Military Discount and she was very fast and very easy to work with! She has all her designs she has done for other blogs up so you can always check them out. I really loved working with her and I am so very pleased with how it turned out!

So thank you Brea for my design I am very much pleased with it! 

How do you guys like it???

I got a Twitter Account.

Also my blog is currently undergoing a makeover!!

Keep a look out for a new design!

follow me on twitter 

@OptimisticArmyW

I also have a facebook page

the link is on the left side of my blog

Our First PCS

Hubby recived orders...finally! We have been waiting and talking about this since we got married. First we were gonna jump ship and try and get out of this deployment, but that didn't work. So after he deployed it turned into...do we really want to keep doing this? Well we decided Army life is gonna be our life for the next 15 years. Hubby had to fill out a wishlist in December and we naturally put..

• Move (Fort Lewis, WA or Fort Carson, CO)
• Re-Enlist

Now as some of you know he did end up putting that he wanted to do Airborne on his wishlist at the very last minute. No joke either the papers were headed to the head honcho when he grabbed the guy and had him write it on his.
We were really hoping we would get Lewis or Carson since they are both near our families. Carson is obviouslly closer to Utah then California..but Lewis was a pretty even trip to either of our families so there would be no fighting on who's family we were going to go see.
But we are not going to either of those places!

First off let me say...The move is seriously 10 months away. Remember Hubby is still deployed, he has to remain at Riley for 90 days...so thats the Holidays..plus He has Airborne training...we think? They didnt give him a clear answer in his orders.

I thought I would make this fun and give out hints and such...but because most of my readers are military wives...I think you all know what I am talking about.

Next April the Optimistic Army Wife and her Hubby and Little Lady Love will be making their home in....

Fort Bragg, North Carolina!!



I am way excited to move here! I have been a distant fan of the Carolinas for a while. My dads family is from there, so my Dad and my Mom have been there a few times. Plus I know most of you have been around those areas. So I am way excited to learn about places for us to go eat and play! Plus I am beyond excited that the beach (according to mapquest) is only 2 hours away. Ahh!

Also I do not know anything about PCS...I always hear DITY moves are the way to go...but concidering this a move with a 8/9 month old, and a 20+ hour trip...I wonder if its really worth it. Especially if we want to see sights along the way. So because I will be studying about this until I give birth and then start studying up again When this all gets closer...anyone have any suggestions or ideas to give me?

Kisses.

I dont know whats going on with me...I can feel the deployment blues again. I have friends preping for R&R and then alot of the Hawaii bloggers are getting their husbands home, and as happy as I am for them...and believe me, I am stoked for you guys....AHHH I miss my husband.
I knew what I got into before I married him. As I mentioned before I did a deployment before we got married.
But latley because (we all know) R&R for me is upcoming...that I wonder....

what if...I forgot how to kiss...and not just kiss...full on make out with my husband?

Seriously...I know I am not the only person to think of this...but what if I am awful and my tounge is all over the place and he pulls away thinking...huh?

Obviouslly I know my husband doesnt really care, and that he is gonna be so happy to see me, and my growing babylicious belly...

Ahhh sometimes I wonder. When he has R&R it will have been over 8 months since we have Kissed, Huged and got Naughty...what if its all bad and all over? I dont have much time to fix the Naughtyness part...but somehow I kinda think I'll still be kick ass at that part....ya know the hormones. But what if the little things are bad? What if he kisses me and my breath stinks? Should I just buy a million and one breath mints?

Come on girls and guys...I know I am not alone on this.

Please just tell me its the jitters and to stop freaking out about the little things.

reminder.....Everything Will Be Ok.

Memorial Service

Today is the Memorial Service for the 6 soldiers who died as a result of a attack from enemy fire on my husband Batallion in Iraq.
Last time I wrote about this only 5 had died, but sadly one who was injured and sent home passed away in Boston only 5 days later.

I cannot personally attened the service at Riley from being too close to my due date. Because I can't I decided to take a moment of silence with my family and pray for the rest of the troops to come home safely.
This has not been an easy thing for any of the boys, concidering nothing even close to this happened last deployment. Continue to pray for these soliders and their families. God Bless America.

"the flag still stands for freedom and they cant take that away.."

SPC Robert P. Hartwick

PFC Michael C. Olivieri

PFC Christopher B. Fishbeck

PFC Michael B. Cook

PFC Emilio J. Campo JR

SPC Marcos A. Cintron

An Update?

Since I blog regularly technically this isnt an update its more of a...a bunch of stuff happened and I blogged about it but never gave an end result type of blog. One of the BIGGEST things is the BIG thing I am going to tell you.

Remember my brother? My abuser? How he went to jail? Well if you dont remember I suggest you read these two posts before continuting... #1  &  #2

So my parents have let him sit in jail and have not gone to see him, though I was still on edge because of how much lack of cotact they were having with him, I had no idea what was going on, and when you have PTSD and your abuser is still around you want to know where they are at all times...well at least I do. Well yesterday we got some news.....

My brother has no been sentanced to 1-15 years in prison for Sexual Explotation of a Minor. One thing that hit me as soon as my mother found out was he'll actually get therapy! I know alot of people think convicts should not recive treatments, but believe me, because this is not a life sentance you want this boy to get help. I do want him to one day get better. Our relationship has failed on every level and he knows it, and even though I have forgiven him for what he has done to me, my sister, and my family...he never could really let what happened go...because to him I was the bad guy. I turned him in, I made sure he was prosecuted, and I made sure to protect my sister and inform people around me what happened so they could protect themselves. Sadly this is one case where turning in your abuser does not solve their problems.

I know deep down that he had been abused before my family adopted him. That his birth mother would leave him alone and constantly bring random men into her home. I know that has to be tramazing for him...yes you could say I feel a little pitty for him. But given that he has been in my family since he was 5, he knows that those thoughts are bad, and wrong. He should have came to someone and said he was having these thoughts. Otherwise, we'd be in a different situation. But because he has acted on those thoughts and has a huge addiction to pornography (which I hate to all ends of the earth) he has now 50 million problems stacked ontop of eachother.

My brother has problems. I know he does. I want him to get help, but I cannot help him anymore and my whole family knows we cant help him either. Prison is the best place he can be. Its structured and secure and he will get the help he desperatly needs. I know my life will go on and I will eventually stop thinking about him every day...and who knows maybe one day my nightmares will stop. But he is still my brother and I do want him to get help. I can only hope there are no more victims and no more issues with him...but who's to say...this is all in his hands now and I accept that.

36 Weeks!!

Well everyone I am finally in crunch time!!! She could litterally come at any moment but lets hope she waits at least 3 weeks!
I planned on posting more personal photos today...but my mothers laptop crashed and this computer is being a pain in the rear so unfortunetly I cannot show you everything I wanted to show you.
First off! if you read my post on Friday you know Baby Love isnt growing too well, so I need another ultrasound so my belly isnt growing very much. But I took a picture just to show you :)

In my baby books it says it is now time to prepare for the hospital so I printed off a check list from Baby Center which all you mommies can click *here* if you want the same list. I found some of it kind of pointless, but I packed alot of it up. My mom and I went to Babies R Us and bought everything else I needed that I didnt get at my Baby Shower and stopped off at Target to get me a travel bag, since I have mine in storage 1,000 miles away..plus get me some tops that would be easier to nurse in. (one of which I am wear in this photo...its so comfortable!!) My bag is so cute I love it!!
I also had to pack up my diaper bag! Which was very strange...I knew what I needed but to make sure I didnt miss a thing I got another check list, which is right *here*. Thank goodness I did it because I would have forgotten Diaper Rash cream. Also some of it I skipped too since shes a newborn and I wont be taking her out in the sun so I found it pointless to pack sunscreen...but I will buy it just in case.
It all was a fun process to do, even though I avoided doing it...everything is starting to seem so very real. Its exciting but I just hope she waits for Daddy to be home. Cross your fingers!!

I ran upstairs and snapped this picture..

the blue bag is my hospital bag (cute huh!)

and then my diaper bag which I got from Babies R Us.

The little do-dad in the front of the D.B is a pacifer holder.

(sorry its not good quality I had to use my cell phone)

Also to let you all know...I'm totally nesting and I dont like it!

But thats a post for another day :)

Butterfly Dreams N' Things Giveaway

Megan over at *Butterfly Dreams* is doing an amazing giveaway!!



Shes giving away a pair of these beautys!

which she handmakes and also in any color you choose!! PLUS!!

Yummy!!!!

Head on over to her blog by clicking RIGHT HERE and enter in this sweet giveaway! Good Luck!!

:)

This weekend...was well...full of me sitting outside with my feet in the little blow up pool my mom bought and a yummy salad dinner with my mom's family. But other then that....I got to see this...

It wasnt for long...the internet he got is way crappy and we ended up finding out it was a waste of 40 bucks since 2 floors above him is a NICE MWR....Thats ok...I got to see his face...even if it was frozen like that for 5 minutes or so and his voice was disorted. I still got to see him and that made me smile really big!!!

Stupid Lame Scary Deployments.

Have you ever had those days where you and the hubby can't talk for one reason or another and then thats the day you absolutly need a companion?...well that happens to happen to me everytime!
Yesterday I had my 35 week check up with my OB, and found out my daughter is measuring at the exact same size as she was last check up...Shes mesuring at 32 weeks...which is not normal. Last check up I was 33 weeks so I didnt think it was so bad, until the doctor told me this time shes still mesuring at 32..a million things ran through my head. He has been an amazing doctor and told me its very possible that shes just very low and he cannot mesure her all the way, but then there is always the chance she has completly stopped growing, and something is wrong.
First thought going through my head was, am I going to need a C-Section ASAP? and if so will there be time for Hubby to make the trip back to the USA in time? Second thought, what if this is unfixable? Third...is she going to be ok?
Right now my husband does not have internet...after the attack last Monday, they all moved into a concrete building and are sharing rooms again. Everytime he goes to get internet the guy isnt there..which is SUPER frustrating. The phone lines were fnally fixed and now they have been shut down again for one reason or another, so the only form of communication I have with him is through emails while he is working...which when he is at work is when I am sleeping and only a few hours of the day while I am awake.
So I wont really know anything until my ultrasound which is stupidly schedualed for Wednesday. Everyone always says the same comforting method..."dont worry she'll be fine" or "nothing bad is gonna happen I promise"....dear lord, I could kill people. I know in my heart everything works out for the best, even if it takes a long time to feel that way...but the biggest thought in my head at this moment is.."what if shes not alright??"...then what happens?
This is why 12 month deployments SUCK. This whole deployment I have gone through living with my abuser, to having PTSD again, to having 2 brothers in jail, to my husbands batallion being attacked, plus on top of that all the stresses of being pregnant. I want to seriously know when the fuck this is going to end! When will the shit storm stop?
Right now...I can really only hope for the best, and if Hubby needs to come home sooner then thats fine. Will I be able to reach him ASAP so that he can possibly make it home on time? I have no idea. But for right now its yet another sitting and waiting game...and I am sick of waiting.

holy wtf craving

the last few weeks of this pregnancy I have been craving....

not my picture

ONION RINGS AND FRY SAUCE!!

I hear alot of people tell me they dont know why Fry Sauce is...well I'm here to tell you...its a Utah thing, we bottle it and sell it here...everyone always gives me weird looks when I make it at resurants but its suoer easy to make ok! heres the recipe....

KETCHUP AND MAYONNAISE!!

some people put mustard in it for some tang...others use Barbeque Sauce instead of Mayonnaise...but either way its delicious.

Now if I could only figure out why I am craving these things soooo much!!

35 Weeks and a birthday!

first off let me say....

HOOAH!!

Happy Birthday US Army!! 236 Years and still going strong!!

How far along: 35 Weeks!!

Total weight gain: Lost 6 more pounds...so right now at a -10

Size and growth of the baby: Heres my Update from Baby Center.Com

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that she's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, she isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times she kicks should remain about the same. Her kidneys are fully developed now, and her liver can process some waste products. Most of her basic physical development is now complete — she'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

Sex: Little Angel.

Maternity clothes: I just hate wearing clothes now. LOL.

Sleep: Up every few hours to pee.

Best moment(s) of the week: Finding out she'll jam out to the backstreet boys :)

Food cravings/aversions: Onion Rings.

Morning sickness: Getting sick again!

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, Pelvic Pressure.

Labor signs: Braxton Hicks.

Belly button in or out: In. I doubt its popping.

What I miss: SLEEP!

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out if I am dialating at all!!

Rockin' The Bump!!

So at one of my other 1st time mommies to be blogs *Moore Kaylee* she linked up to this and I'm going to follow in her foot steps since its been about 3 weeks since I've done a belly update!!

We...wait slash that....I found out the day after my husband left for Iraq that we were expecting a baby! We had only been off the pill for 4 months and just kinda seeing what happens...well it happened!!

I moved home to Utah from Kansas and started planning out the arrival of our little one...anxiously I had morning sickness like crazy...so bad I would even have to pee my pants from throwing up so violently....and yes girls I am not the only one who has done so! I luckily only had morning sickness about 10 weeks and lost over 25 pounds! My doctor was and has never been worried about the weightloss since I continue to fluxuate between gaining and losing.

We are having a baby girl!! We have not announced her name to more then just family members and a few close friends, and we have 5 more weeks to go!

Our little Lady Love should make her debut around July 19th! Hopefully no sooner then that since her Daddy has been in Iraq the entire pregnancy...we often joke about how he knocked me up and left. So her Daddy has yet to see my belly or feel her move in the belly. Fingers crossed!!

This is when I was 34 weeks! and I'll be 35 tomorrow! I'll do my "weekly" update tomorrow with a new picture...sadly I ripped my clothes off of me and jumped into my jammies and husbands t-shirt already for the night...no one needs to see that mess. :)

Heaven Needed These Heros.

Its been a week(tomorrow) since the attack happened. I never thought I'd know anyone who died in the war, and now that I know 2 of them, its hard to comprehend I'll never see them again. I even started to remember the funny times I had with them. Not as often as my husband had with them but some good times, especially at the Batallion BBQ's.
Its not a proud thing I am going to remember but I'll always remember the sacrafice they made. They will be names I will not forget. They will not just be a soldier who gave their lives, they will be the boy we called "Olive Oil", the boy whos last name always made me think of fish sticks. The boy who was so egar to know the army ways when he first got to Riley, and the boy who was so excited about the new camera he got for his first deployment.
I'll never forget these heros.

True Friends&Family

When bad things happen, life really shows you who your real friends are.

Its so true. Since everything happened on Monday I have really learned who is going to be there for me. One of our worst nightmares at Milspouses is our spouses being attacked or but in harms way. Because I have now had this nightmare happen to my husband and I, I have now been reminded of who's my real friends.

Thankfully I have 2 very very good friends in this blogging world Katie and Lou who have been giving me tremendous support. Thank you. Plus the few wives a know from Riley who have been supportive, especially because their husbands are with mine.

Sadly I have had barely any family support. I had a few cousins say something to me, and of course my parents have been there....but other then that, my family of over 40...not a word.
I even had a few friends who have said things to me...but even ones who have loved ones in the military...not a word. But I do love my readers who have been VERY helpful.

The other day I got so furious at the lack of support I deleted over 60 people on my facebook account. I have been very understanding with people who dont get on facebook or who I know are going through other things...but when your husbands so called "best friends" talk about what color they are dying their hair, or how wasted they are only minutes after me throwing an update on how my husband is doing on there and they say nothing....I decided I could careless what color they dye their hair or what bar they are at and deleted them off my page. I dont owe them ANYTHING and I dont even need to say anything to them about their friend and how he is doing...because they dont care.

Even with my family members...Aunts and Uncles and even sadly my own siblings who dont say anything to me, even when they see me on a daily basis with my phone attached to my hand, constantly jumping when my phone beeps and they dont even ask how he is...it hurts my feelings. I dont have the closest family relationship with my cousins and aunt and uncles, but with my own brothers and in-laws...it hurts bad to know they cant even say...is he ok?

Maybe I am wrong here and need to just let myself be mad at these people. Maybe I'm just really hormonal and over reacting (though I highly doubt I am), but I just have realized how many people will be there for Hubby and I in the future. This type of situation can very well happen again, especially with Hubby choosing to stay in the Army...and I dont feel like we should surround ourself's with false support.

As for an UPDATE on my husband and his battalion...They are all doing alright. The memorial service for the soldiers who lost their lives was held yesterday, and Hubby said it helped give him closure...though he is still really sad and upset, his friends that are there are there for him. Right now he still doesn't want to discuss with me what happened...which is fine with me, I am ready for him when he is ready. Though they did have to move into a huge cement building and no one is sleeping in their rooms. While my husbands room only has minor damage and no power lots of rooms were destroyed.

I did want to ask a favor of anyone and everyone who wishes to help these boys. I know they are not the only ones in the world being effected by the war but because so many of these soldiers have lost all of their belongings I had to at least ask.....

If anyone wishes to donate personal hygiene products or even send treats to these soldiers please let me know. A lot of us wives and husbands are sending things, but we all know that they need a lot more then what only a few will give. I sent one box full of supplies from toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, body soap, shampoo and conditioner, and even wet wipes. They do need a lot but really anything will do! If you would like to donate please let me know. Thank you so much!

a little update

first off...if you dont know whats happened click *Here* to read the article on whats happened with my husbands Battalion.

I want to thank everyone on facebook and on my blog who have wrote supportive comments. I learned a little bit about whats going on, but because none of our friends our husbands want to talk about it...and I cannot say I blame them...us wives and husbands don't have too much information. For right now we have learned that they have sent troops to help them out. (thanks for the info katie). Also that their base is pretty much destroyed. There were about 3 rockets or more that hit them, and they are lucky the one that landed by their living quarters did not explode.

Its been a whirlwind experience for us for sure. A lot of us wives and husbands have banded together in hope of forming a stronger support system, especially for those who have been injured. That by far is turning out to be a really good thing.

Although I dont want to give out too much info on whats going on, I did want to write this to inform everyone that the majority of my personal friends and of course my husband are just fine...sadly we lost 2 of our friends. I am constantly praying throughout the day that there are no more attacks.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support and especially your prayers.

Ultimate Sacrafice.

If you have turned on the news lately you know that there were 5 US Soldiers killed in Iraq by a rocket attack. Sadly this was my husbands battalion. While I have learned my husband is safe...I have sadly learned he lost two of his good friends.
Though I will not release the names of the soldiers so that their families can grieve in private. I decided I needed to talk about what has happened.

These attacks from what I have learned were warnings to us that Iraqi's do not want us to stay there. They are warning us to leave Iraq by our deadline, which is the end of the year. Its very sad that for them to get their point across lives have to be lost. Its been discussed that if the Iraqi Government wants us to extend our deadline that we could possibly end up staying longer...which would mean my husbands Brigade would be extended.
Given that since this deployment started 8 soldiers have now given their lives in his Brigade, almost everyone is begging for our husbands and wives to come home. I cannot blame them, things like this make me long for my husband even more then I longed before. I would give anything to have him home.
Though we all know just because this has happened, doesn't mean our soldiers are coming home, I cant help but wish it would mean something to our government, that these attacks are in hate. They dont want us there. They want us gone, and they don't want our help. I hope that our President see's what they are putting our families through, that we don't deserve to lose our loved ones to make a point to the world. America is strong, and the world knows that.

I wish the families of my husbands brigade comfort and peace. We all desperately need it.

 

Keep these soldiers in your prayers as well as all the other troops.

Maternity Photos

So if you remember I had a HUGE surprise for my husband that was my maternity photos! He didn't know I was getting them done while I was in Arizona...I had originally planned on doing them with my cousin Karly in Idaho...but I because I was going down there and my cousin Becky did my Senior Photos I really wanted her to do my maternity's. I thought I had been sneeky and such...and so I posted on my blog one of the photos that I had done you can check that post out *Here*...it even says...my husband never reads my blog.....I was wrong! He reads it. He never tells me he does and I figured he lost interest since I tell him EVERYTHING anyways...but nope one day he calls me and says "so you got pictures done I see".....damn it. So I did a few other things for him which I will not post...ya hear that hunny! But I figured my readers would love to see how great these photos turned out...enjoy!!

Are You Out Yet???

I have 6 more weeks of being pregnant. While I thought I would be able to enjoy this time a lot more, I am learning that I am so far over being pregnant it isn't even funny! I am so beyond ready to get her out! Not only to see her beautiful face, but I am not sleeping well if at all! I have major back pains! Not to mention my braxton hicks contractions have been so awful that they have brought me to tears. I am pretty sure my labor is going to be pretty rough!
Right now its 80 degrees outside...at least that's what my car says. Its not sunny anymore and a little windy, but still nice...and I am sitting in my recliner with my feet up, laptop on my lap, and a heating pad on my back. I wish I was outside! I am sweating even more because of this damn heating pad, but because today I am constantly having major back pains and those braxton hicks, I dont want to go very far. Anytime I move its like I need a fork lift to help me.
I never ever wanted to be one of those woman who complained about how fat they are when they are obviously pregnant...but no joke I absolutely feel like a whale! If I try to do anything I get worn out, and when I move from place to place...or even worse seat to seat I am limping from the pains in my back, and almost waddling. If I bend over my daughter gladly pushes on me to let me know how much she hates it. I'm almost to the point of needing help to stand up...seriously you do feel like a whale when your huge and your balance is off centered.

Other then all the hard things...I am dying to see what she looks like. Really honestly. We have this one ultrasound photo, when I was about 14 weeks and she has her daddy's face! The shape of it and everything! I absolutely loved that she looked like Hubby! But the last ultrasound we had when I was 20 weeks you could see her face had changed dramatically! I cannot even tell you who she looked like. Half of me hopes she really looks like one of us, but considering I have 2 nephews who look exactly like me...its hard to say she might end up looking like someone else!
Shes also moving a ton! I'm loving every kick and punch! Shes deffinitly a feisty one!

I'm so excited to meet her!! 6 more weeks and I can finally hold her!

Facebook Page

I finally created a Facebook page for this blog! I am concidering creating a twitter account...not quite sure if I'd use it very often!! anyways! feel free to head on over and "like" me! I like to be liked.

HELLO?

I feel as if the blogging community is silent today....and its not a holiday or anything? so...I'm a little curious. I guess its the lords good way of telling me to get my pregnant butt up and clean.

my parents house is having an ant problem...gah! its ugly! I even found them in my shower...while I was in the shower. Ya its pretty nasty. Guess I should go clean.

My dad and lil' brother went to the slot canyons this weekend so its a girls weekend for my mom and lil' sis. Yeah the Slot Canyons are from the movie 127 Hours...they have been on a "quest" to find his arm. Its been really rainy here and pretty wet, so I'm hoping they dont get trapped in the canyons when they fill up with water....

Totally wish I was there!

Lovella Bowtique Giveaway!

My friend Katie over at *Life of an Army Wife* turned me on to this giveaway! I just had to enter when I noticed all the cute things!

Over at As The Forest[e] Grows shes hosting a give away for Lovella Bowtique...and they have the most adorable *Ruffled Bloomers* I have seen! I adore them!! They also have hair bows and headbands! Tons of things for your little girls! Even some very cute clothing!

If you wish you enter the giveaway all you have to do is a few simple things!

I'm so excited to see if I win...even if it is a long shot! :)

Its an OK Day.

Its almost noon here in good ol' Utah...I've been able to really release alot of my sadness with this deployment, by telling myself it was ok to be sad.

During this last 7 months I have only let myself cry a handful of times. I tried to be strong, and I knew not to be sad and put that stress on my little girl. But the last week I have told myself its ok to be weak. I need to be strong the majority of the time! I dont let myself feel bad because I know others have it worse, but I finally decided I needed to let myself feel this deployment. Let myself feel that he is gone and I'm sad. I try to act like I have it together 100% of the time...which is normally not true...its usually 95% together all the time.

I would fake smile and say I am doing OK. That the pregnancy was going easy and I was just ready for him to come home...but on the inside I desperately wanted to scream BRING HIM HOME NOW!!

Since I have allowed myself to be weak, and sad and not feel bad for it, life is going smoother. I actually feel at peace. I have been able to open myself up more to feeling this. As a person who's suffered with depression for over 12 years I felt like it was time.

You know what...I am glad I let it out. I'm glad I let myself be sad. I am glad I cried myself to sleep. I'm glad I opened up more. I'm glad I let that stress and anger and sadness go.

I know they say once your over the "hump" in the deployment that it will be easier...and so far it has gone by faster, but its still the same. Since I haven't had R&R yet its still just the same. But I am truly grateful we chose to have R&R later in the deployment...not just because of me being pregnant and all...but because when he leaves to go back to Iraq, it will be time for me to pack up me and my little love and head for Riley and prepare our home and wait for his return! Which if all goes according to plans...and no ugly E words show up, should only be 3 months after R&R.

I have to say...I made some really great friends through this blogging community. Its meant a lot to know that you all share the same thoughts, the same actions, and feel the way I feel...and I appreciate those who let me whine and let me be sad...and really let me know that it was ok to feel that way. You'll have no idea how much that really ment to me. I'm glad I started this blog in October...I never thought it would be a support system, but its one of my best supports. Thank you girls and boys for being there for me.