Sunday, November 28, 2010


So this is obviously the 2nd post of the day...but I feel the need to blog it all out again. I think writing is my therapy because it sure feels good to stomp out all my feelings on the keyboard....but I am not really pounding on the keyboard I know that, that is bad for the laptop. AHHH.
I love music a lot, I get it from my daddy, we both can listen to music for hours and never get you can imagine that right now I actually got my music going. Its drowning out the sounds of the 9 family members in my family, leaving me here to concentrate on what I want and what I need.
I have been debating back and forth on moving back to Fort Riley, because I am super stressed here, and its not very easy being here with so many people. It would be so easy to do, if I didn't have a little person inside of me growing. I guess I kicked into full mommy mode because I would absolutely love to just leave after the holidays and go back to spending time with other Army Wives, who's husbands are with mine. I have one army wife friend here, and sadly we have not been able to hang out yet because of conflicting work schedules. But anyways back to my point, I have to constantly be thinking about whats best for my baby, and honestly I have never had to do anything like this! I am so excited to be a mother, although I admit I am absolutely terrified about the birth!
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I miss my own space. I know the money we will be saving is great especially for the baby to get nice new things. I just wonder if this is worth it. I wont be living in my own area for about 4 or even 5 more months, and right now I need my own damn space. I hate that its totally a possibility I will bring a baby into the world, bring the baby home and have to share a room with my little sister still.
The option to moving back to Fort Riley is there for me. I know my husband wants me to stay here to be near family, but I can tell you...I have had 4 other wives tell me to come back because they will be there for me, in the delivery room if Hubby isnt here. I have the FRG who has already reached out to help me.
I love my family I do. But I really don't think being back here is right now for me, or for my baby especially if I am this stressed out.
I know this is just another bitch session post...but I need help. I have no idea what I need to do. Any Suggestions?


Lacey said...

hey girl i cant imagine what your going through. Im sure if your stressed than it is no good for you need to do whats good for you. What will make you feel happy. Im moving in with my family at the end of December and i am sure scared of being overwhelmed of my huge family. Im not even pregnant. Well if you ever need to talk im here you know my email..weve talked before. hope you get it all figured out.

kelsey lauren said...

it sounds like living at home was initially an idea to save you from stress... and now it's caused more. if i were in your shoes, i would go back home after the holidays. my friend courtny lived by herself while her husband was deployed until a week around when she was due. at that point she had her mom and sister come in and stay with her so they would help with last minute preparations and the delivery. maybe you could do something like that? have some family or friends move in with you for the final days leading to the delivery.
i feel like you already know whats best for you, you are just worried about what your husband wants, and about saving money, etc. i think you need to listen to yourself more than ever before at this time in your life. so, my best advice would be to listen to what your body is telling you... stress is no good whatsoever (especially when you're preggers)!

Beka said...

If you feel like you should be over there and will do better and it will be best for you and the baby, then do it! I'm living with my family since the hubby is deployed and I love my family to death but I miss my own place!!

Follow your heart.

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